Yea I was thinking that too. Maybe the whole religon thing should be set aside for now and they focus on bonding using the 4 policies that are in HNHN and read lovebusters?

That is the approach we are taking, and it is working. At this point the religion question has not been a wedge, but it could happen later.

If in doubt email Dr Harley.
My understanding is that this is a disrespectful judgement and a lovebuster. It's also control telling a spouse what religion is allowed

Its not the religion that's a wedge.
It's the control and disrespect just3 shows her by mandating what religion is allowed in the house.
It causes love bank withdrawals and resentment.

I think his problem is that she converted while in her affair. If he is not Muslim and does not convert then the stage is set for future arguments.

This should be worked out now, before they get comfortable in recovery.

But I agree....email Dr. Harley.

Not true. As I posted earlier, I am advising my wife to follow her faith, whatever it is. However, I cannot abide by her being a Muslim because of the nature of her conversion.

I am not making a disrespectful judgment and there certainly have been no angry outbursts. Neither am I trying to control her. I am simply setting limits for what I can live with. She understands this completely and does not feel as if I'm being disrespectful or controlling.

I will ask Dr. Harley by e-mail if it is possible for us to to reach an enthusiastic agreement on this issue.

So its an EP not a DJ. Understood, I can see that now. POJA isn't used in EPs.

I think you should welcome her to practise and study it yourself and show your complete support. You don't have to covert though.

Yup.

She converted with OM. How sucky but alas.........there IS some very lovely stuff that appealed to her about the faith.

It just made her OM more attractive to be the one to show her cool stuff about it.

I vote be supportive.

I wonder what Dr H would say on this.

To me his WW converting to Islam for her OM then coming back home to recover her marriage with her BH and refusing to give it up is the same as a WW that had sex in the family car with the OM and refuse to sell the Car.

Same goes for the mattress, sofa, dining room table (actually that house needs to be sold), clothes, jewelry, gifts, bought or worn for the OM, music introduced to WW by the OM.

A WW that drank beer with her BH before the affair has to learn to give up wine and going to vinyards because those were things WW did with the OM. That WW has to go back to beer or go dry.

It is not a LB to require a WW to rid herself of everything that is connected to the OM, it is called Consequences.

WW goes boo hoo, tuff, get her a box of tissues.

I am NOT bright enough to answer these questions, but I am just barely competent to ask others...

If WW bringing back a new religion, acquired through association with POSOM, to the marriage is unsupportable, how then is the situation in which a WW brings back to the marriage an OC, also acquired in association with the POSOM, supposedly supportable?

Which of those two acquisitions is more of an affront to the BH? And, to address TR's phraseology, which would require the bigger box of tissues?

I've only got two Master's degrees; I'll leave this one to the fella with the Doctorate. But I will be watching.....

I agree with your first sentence.
Because you are not even comparing a fruit to a vegatable, let alone an apple to an orange.

Things from the OM usually trigger the BH. That is why the BH requires that the mattress, clothes, anything to do with the OM be removed.

An OC is not a material good. An OC is a person. To expect a WW to give up her child is a lot. Women do not normally want to give up their child. As seen in a movie or read a story a mother has no chance of escape, there is no room for her on the last train, boat, plain, car, whatever and she asks a stranger to take her child.

For some BH replacing the mattress on the dining room table and the sofa, and the kitchen floor is not enough to remove the OM's presence from the home so the whole house and contents must be sold. That is the BH's right.

Some BH can accept just buying a new mattress.

Some BH can accept not changing any thing in the home.

Some BH can accept the OC and some can not.

Some WW can give up their OC and some can not.

There are deal breakers to everything and that includes recovery.

The BH that can accept an OC that is the same race and can pass it off as his own to strangers.

Then there is the BH that can not accept an OC because it is esaily apparent that the OC is a mixed race and a public will know what his WW did to him.

There is the WW that already has 3 kids, ages 4, 7, 9, the OM is a dead beat. There have been WW that the gives up the mixed race OC because her BH will not accept the OC and she is putting the need of keeping the marriage intact to protect the COM.


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An OC is not a material good.

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And a set of religious convictions IS a material good? **edit

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Sometimes you do give ok advice.

Yes indubitably a religion is not a material good. **edit

As I stated before if a WW liked beer with her BH before the affair.

OM showed her how to appreciate and like wine and do tastings at winery's.

Now WW affair is over and WW wants to recover an have BH drink wine and take her to do tastings.

There is no way a WW should expect her BH to accept this change brought about by the OM.

When they married they were of the same faith. The BH expects his WW to maintain the family religion as an example for their children.

Now that there has been an affair and they are recovering the BH is in his right to not have his WW be an example of the OM's religion for his children.

**edit

Never Guessed,

All the WW had to do to convert was to recite the shahada in the OM's hotel room, (eeew)and poof, she was in. No study or learning is demanded beforehand, no testing by a religious court to determine if the conversion is genuine; not coerced. It is even possible to be forcibly converted in the same instant, as in girls who are kidnapped and forcibly "married" in Egypt, Syria and Jordan, where Christians live, and in India and Pakistan, where Hindus live. In this faith the girl's silence is deemed to be consent. Converts do not need to do their own research into doctrine or dogma. Nor are they required to read the holy books. Just submit and accept.

Children born of those unions are de facto presumed to be Muslims based on their father's religion. The mother's desires do not count.

Catholic converts attend classes for years if necessary, so that they understand what they are committing their lives to. They are tested, examined, they participate in the community and do service for the church whenever possible. They usually undergo a public baptism, usually in the Easter season.

I don't know about other Christian conversion practices.

Jewish converts must attend classes until they can answer questions put to them by the Beit Din (a religious court of 3 usually elderly rabbis who are skeptical of the convert's desire to join the tribe). Once the convert arrives at the point of facing the clergy they are pretty certain this is what they want, but it isn't unheard of for the clergy to refuse to convert the person if they don't believe the request is genuine.

The OM practiced deception and conquest by seducing a willing WW and further compounded it by making du'wa (asking her to convert) and bringing her out of Christianity, what is known as a "reversion". When she became too much trouble, she was discarded. And he is pretty much bulletproof. Nobody in his home country gives a rat's patoot if he slept with a married infidel woman and got her to convert. He got her to betray her husband AND her G-d. That gives him status.

At least justthe3's wife is back with him and he has a chance to restore their family. Time could bring her back to her senses as far as the conversion.

I understand WS and OPs can be beyond despicable, but your final statement is patently untrue. Making what most certainly appear to be naive assumptions and falsely denigrating a religion as lauding adultery is detracting from what this site is about and what board members can best help this poster with.

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**edit

This WW has to give up Islam.

Her BH is just to demand so.

There is nothing P or O or J or A.

**edit

I agree with you TR.

She converted in the fog of adultery, and in any case Islam is totally incompatible with any religion that might be in his house at present. It WILL be a recurring fight. They cannot be a united front if they are this different religiously.

Well, my situation has sparked quite a debate among some veteran posters here.

I just sent an e-mail to Dr. Harley regarding the Muslim issue, and I hope that he will provide all of us some clarity on the issue.

Karma,

I am Catholic through and through, yet had I met and fallen in love with my wife when she were already Muslim, her religion would not be a deal breaker for me. The issue is not religious differences but the fact that she did "Shahada" (profession of faith) with her affair partner. He is the source of her conversion.

Parenthetically, had she been Muslim before we married, she would not be allowed to marry me. Muslim woman cannot marry outside of the faith. Muslim men, however, are free to do so.