I think your daughter is too stressed from the devastation of her family to use traditional authoritarian discipline. It is just added stress to an already miserable place she is in.

Tell her you are sorry she is hurting. Tell her you want a good life for her and that doing well in school is helpful to have one. Tell her you will support her in any way to do better in school. Tell her you love her a lot. Ask her to show you her assignments and let her know you will be speaking with her teachers to keep on top of what is happening and then do it.

Also, tell her you want to spend quality time together just doing stuff together before she grows up and makes her own life.

It is important to talk with your daughter but not lecture her. Let her know you are there for any sort of topic (school, boys, health).


So help me, the children affected by infedelity and the fracturing of their homes.......they are troopers.

Hi GJM-

My YS had just started high school when my FXH left us and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a tough year.

My YS didn't get apathetic, but he still failed a few classes that first year. I had gone to his teachers and counselor to let them know what was going on. BTW-I'm a high school teacher myself and work in an alternative program for kids who are behind in credits, so I see this a lot. It's still different when it's your own kid.

One of the things that really "saved" my son was his participation in NJROTC. (Naval Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps). He was on the Armed Drill team (spinning parade rifles in formation) and air rifle team and had training every day-either in the am or pm. He practiced every day,went to competitions and had classes with a group of friends who had the same interests as he did, and he was busy doing something he enjoyed. (He took 3rd place nationally his sophomore year in sport shooting, went to a national competition his junior year and was the leader of the Armed Drill Team his senior year). The key thing was, he found a place to belong. This is key to high school success. There are all kinds of clubs and activities kids can get involved in. Drama, Key Club (service), Environmental Club (my daughter did that) etc.

Your DD may not be very motivated right now, but you can let her know that the privilege of driving is going to depend on her demonstrating that she is responsible and that starts with school. Most states don't allow kids to drive until they are 18 unless they have taken drivers' ed AND have their parents' permission. It's your insurance on the line, and most insurance companies give "good student" discounts (a "B" average). In my state, a parent can rescind their child's right to have a license between the ages of 16-18. I've only seen it happen once. That student's dad caught him at a party.

My son had to take extra classes to graduate on time, but he made it.

Hope this helps

I also would suggest revisiting the every other week schedule. No adult could function well with that kind of chaos and I'm sure it's hard for her. Did your WxW ever get more suitable housing?

In terms of the time suggestion, I think that's great. Think of it as plan A'ing her, filling her love bank to overflowing. Is she into music? Learn to like hers. Try the goofy stuff you did when she was littler, she's still a kid really...go bowling, or mini golf, or skating. Help her plan and cook a meal. Take a class together...when I was in middle school I thought it would be neat to be a private investigator so my mom enrolled in a class and I basically audited, but we had a blast going there together every week. Does she go to the gym with you? Take a yoga class with her, show her how you branch out. Do stuff with her AND her friends. Be the coolest/craziest dad around, throw her a half-birthday party...

I like the idea of having a friend come over to do homework. I also believe she is depressed. I have taken her to see a psychologist, but not a pediatrician as of yet. Another idea I got from one of her teachers is to buy her a calendar planner so that she can write her assignments each day and have her teachers and I sign it daily. This way we can make sure she isn't skipping out on homework. I am going to sit with her and my boys each night to go over howework. If it is completed before I get home, I will look it over.

Thanks for your suggestions.

Does her school have the option for you to check online her assignments/grades as much as possible?

Yes, but they fail to update it on time. It's usually after it's too late to make sure the work is done

Last night was somewhat of a success. When I got home from work, the kids had their homework on the table and the planner opened so I could see the assignments. My D forgot to have a couple of teachers sign her planner, but I received emails from them. Once she makes it a habit, things will hopefully get better.

Last night was somewhat of a success. When I got home from work, the kids had their homework on the table and the planner opened so I could see the assignments. My D forgot to have a couple of teachers sign her planner, but I received emails from them. Once she makes it a habit, things will hopefully get better.