You ARE getting advice. I know you are hurting but try to see what we are saying. Divorces only come in one flavour: bad. This place can save marriages. Gosh, it might even have saved mine if I had got here early enough.

Even though I did end up divorced, this place still taught me what I did wrong so that I do not repeat the mistakes I made. There were lots.

Melody is one of our best vets. Listen to her.

Well its all in the first post. But basically, she is tired of feeling the way she does. She's been to doctors therapy read books and nothing has been able to change the way she feels. She has no desire or drive for sex at all. And with that, because I am a good man to her, comes a lot of guilt and self denigrating feelings. And she knows now bad it is for me. And she doesn't feel its fair for either of us. Says she has never been sexually attracted to me. I just always held out hope she could change. Because she has tried. But she feels like she is living a lie.
Ive looked and dug and dug. I don't believe she has anyone else.

Her whole family is like this too. And they all are the same way.

Ive showed her various articles on this site. We have read his needs her needs. And I, for the most part meet her needs. Not perfect I know. But she feels there is no way she could ever meet my top 2. Sex and affection. And she doesn't want to keep trying know she cant and feeling horrible about what that does to me.

I know it all sounds strange. But it is what it is. I cant stop this now. Believe me ive tried.

I cant change her mind.

What kind of snooping do you have in place? Does she feel she loves you but is not in love with you?

No PI level stuff. But I seriously dont believe she is having an affair.

I guess you could say that.

Here is the thing. This program - and no program - will "work" if you are not spending 20+ hours a week meeting the intimate emotional needs. I bet you and your wife have never done that, have you?

If Dr Harley has a proven track record solving these very type of problems, why wouldn't she jump at that chance unless there was another reason for her desire to divorce?


I've seen quite a bit in my 12 years on this forum and I have never seen a woman break up her marriage because she wasn't meeting her husband's needs. Never. There are 2 reasons a woman leaves a marriage: neglect and her own affair.

When you show someone a potential solution that has worked for thousands of people and they won't even try, that typically means that person is not looking for solutions.

Do you have a keylogger on her computer? What about spyware on her cell phone?


How did she phrase it exactly?

Does it really matter. She gave up. She doesn't want to be married to me anymore.

Yes, it does matter very much. Because if she wants to divorce over an affair, there is hope for your marriage if you kill the affair. At the very least, doing some investigating and exposing the affair would help you protect your kids from an other man. But if you don't know what is really going on, you can't do that.

Just because she "gave up" today does not mean she wouldn't change her mind if you removed the reason for her decision. People change their minds about this all the time. It is the rule rather than the exception.

Does she have any male friends?

Has she ever had an affair? Does she have opposite sex friendships? Have you ever been suspicious? Anything ever bother you?

No...nothing like that. Ive never suspected. I fact, I used to laugh at guys would hit on her because she isnt like that.

I knew in the beginning she qas like that. Not just, but with every guy. I thought she could be different with me.

She sometimes jokes that she is asexual. Says stuff like our relationship would be great if we never had to have sex. Because she says ahe loves me....

I just dont believe she has someone on the side. Ive never seen anything to suspect it.

A couple of her ex boyfriends even turned out to be gay. And says she dated them because there was never any pressure for sex.

How about doing some digging just to rule it out?

Ive dug. I haven't used any software or anything. I just dont think there is.

Well you haven't really dug if you haven't used any software, though. It is very easy to delete emails and texts. Even the dumbest wayward knows that trick. And even the dumbest wayward knows the affair phone trick. [a secret second phone]

Are you wondering why I am so suspicious? It is because I have been here for 12 years and it is very, very rare that a wife wants to divorce unless there is another man waiting in the wings.

In 12 years I know of ONE TIME that there was not an affair when a wife wanted a divorce - all the other times there was an affair. Hundreds of cases. Even in that case, I believe to this day there was an affair but the husband did not want to know it.

The huge red flag here is that I have shown you a plan that really does work and apparently she is not interested. That doesn't jive. The only reason she wouldn't be interested is if she is not being honest about the true reasons she wants a divorce.

And there may not be an affair. But you need to rule it out. When there is an affair, the favored tactic of the wayward wife is to ask for a divorce because she "loves you but is not in love" and needs some "space." She has "been unhappy for years" and has "never been attracted to you." The plan is to rewrite history to justify leaving the marriage. Yet when very viable solutions are presented, they are all rejected, which is an indication that the reasons given for the divorce are not honest.

So once she gets the husband out of the picture, she quietly replaces him with a "new man she just met!!" and no one is the wiser. By that time the WW has wrested an agreement from her clueless husband that he remain her "friend" so they can be good "co-parents" for the children. He unwittingly becomes her ally in the destruction of his own marriage and alleviates her guilt by being her "friend."

The "friend" angle is very important to the wayward wife because she does not want to feel guilty about divorcing their father and replacing him with another man. She wants to keep the ex-husband close by for that reason.

So what do I do? That is leagal.

What if she just doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to. And there is no one else.

Become James Bond and find out what is going on. Maybe it is nothing. But if there is something there, be very quiet and come back here with what you find. We will give you next steps. And don't ask her or let on that you have any suspicions.