I knew the OW for several years before H and she got together. We were never friends. She is very different from me - petite, thin, athletic, and a professional career woman. It did surprise me that he picked her because she is homely and he always says a nice looking person is important.

How interesting this is!<BR>I knew the OW before only casually. My H was always crazy about me being petite and this woman's an amazon, Bigger breasts than me but saggy. Very, very short hair. Not as attractive as me, even my H says so. She is ten years younger than me. He says he fell in love with her voice of all things. She has a low, breathy voice with hispanic accent. Oh brother!!!

Never met the guy, but I did see a picture of him. Very long hair. He is from Arkansas, has a deep voice with a very southern drawal. Even look slike a wankboy!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

It was REALLY interesting to read recently on the philanderers forum (this is used by current affairees..you definately DONT want to go there)they ALL said their wife or husband was actually better looking and even more intelligent etc than their affair partner.<BR>And most said their wife or husband was actually a lot "better" in bed (other than the obvious excitement of doing something secretive)<BR>It is all about how they FEEL about *themselves* at the time, not the looks of the OP. Affairs are really selfish things.<BR>

At first H talked about the exciting things she could do in bed or where ever. He really got caught up in that. Then he made her feel good about herself she never love anybody before. Ugh!!!! Asked what about I never loved anybody before. He was the only one for me that didn't count. I am strong how I hate that word.!!!!!!!! I didn't need him to feel good about myself. AAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!! How do you fight that.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Great thread:<P>Slug is fat (I am overweight but she has fat wrinkles on her fat wrinkles), coarse, smokes has been a druggie in the past (claims she has "given it up" because he doesn't like that), not particularly attractive, lazy, unmotivated, and DUMB AS A ROCK.<P>He has always HATED smoking (he doesn't let her smoke inside the apartment or in his car) and one of the things that bothered him about me was that I wasn't physically active (depression does that to a person, I've discovered), so her laziness is another trait that should have turned him off. He has always wanted to BE something - so the fact that she's completely unmotivated to be anything more than an unskilled laborer should be a turn off for him, too. AND, he has always appreciated (or so I thought) our intelligent conversations, so the dumb as a rock thing ought to have been a real turn-off, too.<P>But ... "she's fun." Sure, people who aren't clinically depressed and don't have any financial or other worries in life can be fun all the time. She was also drunk a lot of the time - as was he. Supposedly he doesn't drink that much anymore... but she has ALWAYS been a partier - dunno how long that will go over well...<P>UGH...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>No, I'm not a Marriage Counselor,<BR>But I did sleep at a <BR>Holiday Inn Express last night...<BR>

Terri. Our OW must be related. The only thing is OW is not fat. She smokes and it is her house. H can't handle smoke it gives a terrific headache and affects his sinuses. I wonder if she gave it up for him. She also has cats, my H the dog lover hates cats causes the same problems as smoke. I wonder how long she will take him correcting her English. It always up set him to her some not speak correctly. Sounds like a perfect relationship doesn't. <P>You know all theis is suppose to have happened because we weren't meeting the needs of our S. I am having trouble putting this into words. But here they are with people that before they couldn't stand but now they do because they meet some need. Wouldn't this cause other needs not being meet? Or at least get on their nerves. I can't stand to be around people who smoke because of health reason plus it stinks and the thought of kissing some one with smoke breath UGH. He always felt the same way wouldn't that soon begin to bother him? And what about the other things that the OP do that our S don't like wouldn't that cause a big gap in the needs requirements? It doesn't make sense of course nothing my H does makes sense anymore. Can anybody explain this?<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Boy guys the more I read of this thread the more I want to see the OW. <P>If I get up the courage after the job transfer for my hubby I'll let you know. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

I agree that its the emotional needs that matter more than the physical attraction. It's how the other person makes them feel about themselves that matters to the spouse.<P>But as long as we are comparing notes...the OW looks somewhat like me when my H and I met 13 years ago. The major difference between us is that I've had two children plus a miscarriage, leading to an extra 30 lbs and a flabby belly. You can't imagine the beating my self-esteem took when he left me for her and I was 7 months pregnant and looking and feeling like a blimp! <P>I would have given anything to be instantly thin again. But now I'm happy with myself. I'm gradually losing the weight and getting in shape. Losing about 1 lb/week which is a healthy rate while nursing. <P>If he's that shallow that he would reject the woman carrying his child for another woman because she's THIN, then to hell with him. If he wants a thin wife, he ought to be here watching the kids while I work out, and helping to shop for and cook healthy meals. Instead I'm trying to get myself back in shape with no help at all -- but I'm doing it for ME, not for him. <P>He's gained and lost weight over the years, too. His in nowhere near the shape he was in when we met. So what's his excuse?

Hey gang,<P>Oh, I just HAD to post! Are any of you smiling? Even laughing? This thread's a hoot. We're such doofuses aren't we?<P>I probably should let Suse post this one but I just can't resist. My OW is NOT as pretty as Suse is. And Suse and I even tease each other about it. She tells me, "oh I'm soooo relieved SHE wasn't gorgeous!"<P>OW is overweight had wild kinky reddish dirty blond hair, and Suse has such pretty skin. OW does not. Suse has very elegant hands and I love her eyebrows. Ummm...guess i'd better stop, huh? I'm gettin' carried away!<P>Back to our teasing, I kept telling Suse for years that even tho' she'd gained weight over the years, it wasn't a big deal. I just wanted her to be happy. So, the OW is heavier. Every once in awhile I can't resist needling Suse with, "Nowwwwwwwww do you believe me?" And she says, "Yah, finally I do!"<P>Oh and btw, Suse told me years ago that her OM was no JFK. Anyhoo, never met the guy (least that I know). <P>I'm glad we're both able to laugh about things. Glad most of you are too. It really helps.<P>Take care all

It seems as if I am the only one where H's ow is drop dead gorgeous, 20 years younger than me and at the peak of her career (because my H got her there)......I do hate her and wish upon her some disfiguring injury and significant and unexplainable weight gain...among other unspeakable things.<BR> Simone<BR>

My husband's OW was everything that I wasn't. <BR>Although I figure, considering the total picture, I can more than hold my own against her, she is the personification of femininity and neediness. She allowed my husband to be the knight in shining armor. By contrast, I have always been the problem solving super strong wife and mother. Also, in our shared profession, I have a reputation to which my husband incorrectly felt he didn't measure up. <P>With 3 children and a career, I had not paid the attention to my appearance that I once did. By contrast, people always remark about how "pretty" the OW is. <P>I think my husband was really at odds with me and chose for his OW one of the people I least liked and respected. She was the "not- wesse." I wonder if that's typical.

Well...... I am eight months pregnant and the OW was 19 years younger than me. She was very cute and I thought so the day I met her (the day before I discovered the affair) of course, I wasn't too bad when I was 19 either.

I guess ALL of our SP are temporarily INSANE!!<BR> We knew OM because he sold us our Condo.<BR> I thought he was a lazy fat 60 yr. old toothless (in front) loser then Now, he's a lazy fat 60 yr. old toothless loser that has no principals or morals BUT....... he's with MY WIFE!!<BR> He makes less money is 16 yrs older has ABSOLUTELY no personality (really his W has called me and said he hardly talks) BUT>>>>> he's with MY WIFE.<BR> She told me "He listens to me and doesn't want sex"<BR> OF COURSE HE LISTENS TO YOU!!! HE HAS NO PERSONALITY TO INTERRUPT YOU WITH!!!<P> Everytime I picture this (OM & W in conversation) I picture a little bubble over his head with cartoon squirrels hopping around and playing!! And my W thinking he's SOOOO wise because he LISTENS!! THE GUY COULDN'T COMPETE WITH ME ON ANY FIELD!!<BR> W thinks he's great!! Because of the way OM makes her FEEEELLLLLL? Oh brother, when the bubble bursts......<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>