maybe exclusive dating means something different to others....it isn't a huge deal to me except that she can concentrate on getting to know him.

This was the first date with this guy and you are exclusive? Indie, where's the fire? Why not date a few more times over the course of say a month or so and then see?

I saw it recommended on this forum months ago "The Rules" I got the "The Rules for Online Dating" because to be quite honest I was completely clueless about what to do.

The rules are controversial and while I don't want to argue them, I will say that the message in the book that I completely agree with is to keep things slow in the beginning -- it's kinda a self-preservation thing. The online rules discourages any type of intimacy building over email/text, keeping the expectations low until you have really had a chance to know the person over the course of several dates -- spread out, not all day dates etc.

Just consider it. I have been warned numerous times that after D, you can fall in love VERY QUICKLY and EASILY. And with the WRONG PERSON.

Please be careful. Many people are seeing a red flag with this. Think about it. We all care about you

I agree with the bolded. Being exclusive doesn't mean jumping incompletely with someone you just met.

I do think enough time has passed since your divorce that you are capable of being smart. Just take it easy even while being exclusive.

That is the plan! Exclusive to me does not mean serious. He was very much in agreement with that too.

It is tough thinking straight with those chemicals coming at you for the first time in a long while..but I am determined to keep my head on straight.

I feel much more purposeful and level headed after a spending bit of time on here.

It's why I started this thread. Objectivity to hand when I need it.

It has nothing to do with being smart, though, IMO. It has to do with allowing the person to make massive love bank deposits when you haven't even REALLY gotten a chance to know them yet, which will cloud your judgement.

The fact that she is already contradicting what she said her plan was shows you that she has clouded judgement, IMO.

I think it is completely crazy to be exclusive with a person after one date. It raises all kinds of red flags on this -- for you what I already mentioned, you let him make too many LB$ deposits too fast. For him, it raises red flags as well, if you get my meaning. Many of these online guys are sleezy, Indie. Be careful.

Third date. I am taking a break from the 30 dates (he knows my resuming that plan is an ever present option) and I mean for things with him to be super duper s.l.o.w.

I'm pretty certain if there are red flags to be seen, I will see them. Or you all will!



Absolutely. I just don't know enough for it to be serious.

Well we were chatting online for about a week, maybe a bit longer. We had two evening dates and a day-long date over the course of about a week and a half. We have kept in touch every day by text, though not many because I don't want that to escalate and he agrees.

Obviously that's only long enough to know that you 'want to know more' not long enough to 'know'

I will agree that lots of LB deposits are being made. Which perhaps IS foolish.

The main ones that are sending me reeling are O&H (my top need) and RC.

I don't know whether I should discourage those needs so much. I want to encourage transparency and I want to see if we have fun together.

Thoughts?

OK, I just looked back.

You have gone on 3 dates with him in 1.5 weeks, one was all day and it sounds like there was intimacy being built thru texting and emails (him sending you flower, etc).

It doesn't really change how I feel with the red flags I am seeing. TOO FAST.

The book I mentioned would tell you this is bad for a whole host of reasons, one being you will automaticlly screen jerks out by making them be patient and have to "work" for it.. Again, controversial but just wanted to give you something to think about.

Just keep in mind that even though he appears to be O&H, you don't really know that he is in fact being honest. Smooth talkers who open up fast have always been a red flag to me.

O&H is important to most women and guys know that.

You should encourage transparency and have fun together. I guess I do not understand why that requires exclusivity after only a few dates. The way you described dating in the UK now makes me wonder if you have fallen in that same trap...artist guy is there and you don't know what to do with him.

That he has dated several people over a period of months and then you date him for less than two weeks and go exclusive...idk...this just rubs me the wrong way. He's had his comparison shopping, you have not. And breakups suck, whether a couple is serious or not.

I think the more important question is what does exclusive dating mean to artist man and why is he so insistent on it after only 3 dates. I think it is sort of controlling and selfish if you ask me!

It rubs me wrong too, BR.

indie, you sound foggy too in some of your posts. I mean, I don't know how else to describe it. We are exclusive but it doesn't mean it's serious? We are taking it s.l.o.w? this is contradictory.

You want to take a "break" from the 30 dates? I have never seen someone take that 30 date rule so seriously as you and seem so excited by it. You just got started. You have started to fall in love with him and this makes me scared for you.

Ok I realized I made a DJ there. I should have asked how did the talk of being exclusive come up especially if as you suggest artist man already knew of your 30 date challenge?

Artist. In this field will he be able to establish EP's to protect you? Does he have social networking for all his admirers to follow and post to him? Does he travel and have showings?

Is his lifestyle and occupation one that can support MB?

Oh good point. And when I talk about needs being met, I of course mean 'appears to be'. If someone on a date tells you they earn a lot of money, it isn't necesarily true they can meet an FS need.



Sort of yes. I was swimming against the tide culturally, but as I have said: contrast effect still applies when two people have only just started going out. Other men still try to be 'friends'.



Oh no I agree he will have to work for it. He knows he's still very much in the early interview stages. He by no means has got the job!



If he was insistent, we would be done.


It means I am trialling but not committing to the situation. I am not sure how much plainer I can make it. I want to see <IF> he is suitable, I am by no means saying he is.



Yeah, this is one of the things I find appealing. His time is very flexible, he can work from anywhere flexibly and he (appears) to have a good attitude to a work/life balance. His mother is a BW (he mentioned this before I gave anything away) and he blames his fathers lack of time and prioritisation of home life for his father's A.

I am still excited by it. I think it is a fabulous concept and gives you a much better 'take it or leave it' attitude than you would otherwise have.

By no means have I debunked the concept as unworkable and by no means am I necessarily done with it. I could very well be picking the plan up again and meeting date number two in a week or so's time. I would not be unreasonably distressed if I was.




No, this isn't love. Perhaps the seed, but it doesn't look anything like the plant.

I have these answers. Two serious relationships. Most of his time spent travelling around, not putting down any roots. One four year GF that fizzled out. One five year that became an engagement - he ended it because she had a great deal of IB habits, he knew she would not alter. He's never lived with anybody.

I have an invitation to meet his mum and some relatives on Sunday.

I have plans overnight Saturday in Manchester with my friends, but should I make the effort to come back for a Sunday meet-up?

Part of me thinks it sends a 'serious' message, part of me thinks its all part of getting to know each other.

He knew because I told him!!

This seems to be happening way tooooo fast.

Maybe meeting the definition of a rebound relationship