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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1 |
The gist of of the letter was her desire to have him validate his continued existance for her and to acknowledge she still cared. What do I do? He is working overseas and I dont want to trouble him about it. Not over the phone. I know him too, and he will just feel a heel again for any pain its caused me.
A yr after he broke it off from her, she did send me a card with photos of them together. so I guess its more accurate to say it been 5 yrs since she made efforts to contact. Should I ignore it? Should I tell him?
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
He doesn't know about it? Burn it. Or mark it "not at this address" and have it returned to get her off of his scent.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
The gist of of the letter was her desire to have him validate his continued existance for her and to acknowledge she still cared. What do I do? He is working overseas and I dont want to trouble him about it. Not over the phone. I know him too, and he will just feel a heel again for any pain its caused me.
A yr after he broke it off from her, she did send me a card with photos of them together. so I guess its more accurate to say it been 5 yrs since she made efforts to contact. Should I ignore it? Should I tell him? Welcome to MB. Does your H travel for his job?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
He doesn't know about it? Burn it. Or mark it "not at this address" and have it returned to get her off of his scent. Agreed. Don't bring it up to him. Since you opened it, I would just burn it. If you get another, return it to sender with addressee unknown.
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964 |
Juliawjek,
The problem I see here is that unless this OW is living in the stone age it will be possible for her to track down your FWH. She has shown an undying passion for your FWH that does not appear to diminish with time.
At the very least you need to make a copy of this letter and send it to whomever is the current partner of this OW. Not telling your FWH is a violation of radical honesty as well.
God Bless
Gamma
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589 |
Gamma,
I disagree with your last statement. PORH does not apply in this case. Once there is an affair, a BS has no obligation to "kindle the coals" of the affair. Neither is there an obligation to divulge snooping techniques.
I vote for destroying the letter and not telling FWH.
AM
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 900
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 900 |
How about sending a legal Cease and Desist letter to OW?
I would be very worried about any continued attempts at contact. BS intercepted this one, but may not be so lucky in the future.
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232 |
Gamma,
I disagree with your last statement. PORH does not apply in this case. Once there is an affair, a BS has no obligation to "kindle the coals" of the affair. Neither is there an obligation to divulge snooping techniques.
I vote for destroying the letter and not telling FWH.
AM agreed. RH does not include AP. it will only put her in his mind, and as AM said, "kindle the coals." AP is dangerous. 6 years and she's not moved on? also agreed - destroy the letter. do not tell FWH.
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