I absolutely do recognise it. I think that is the way to keep a level head.

Someone who didn't understand alcohol would think: "my goodness the bar is tilted and there is two of everyone" whereas someone who did would realise they can't trust those perceptions.

When artist man meets a need, it feels good but I know what is happening. I never think: "He likes Warhol too - it's fate!" Rather I think: "Good at RC and affection".

JMO but it seems that a big part of your decision to (temporarily) derail the 30 date thing is that he simply didn't want you to. I believe you said was he pretty unhappy with the idea.

Were you concerned about losing him?

Something that is important here is Dr. Harley's vision of the 30 dates ... it is process that happens over time ... actually I am going to send him an email about this because I actually think someone in their 30's needs more time to do the contrast dating because there is so much baggage associated with life.

Okay emailed the radio show ... hope to have more information soon.

Tough~

Kerela great point because wouldn't it be something to actually have a man chase you, fight for you, win you over.

Then get yourself dating more men...and make artistman chase you!!! He won't go anywhere if he really likes you and wants to fight for you.

The reality is you stay a freeloader for a very short period until you automatically go renter. When you both go renter then you are willing to care more .... this is where you want your contrast dating to go ... be chased Indie ... let them chase you ... if they don't ... that makes them bonafide freeloaders and lazy.

You are getting to Renter with Artist man ... go on more dates and get other men to renter ... it will be an eye opening experience.

Indie I have just discovered your new thread and am only on page 7, so forgive me if someone else has already posted these tips.

Tips that I have heard from my brother and several other friends who have done Internet dating of course.

One, plan a first date that is easy to get out of. Like a drink or coffee, as opposed to a dinner or event. That way if you meet and know right away there is no spark, you can bail with out investing too much time or money.

Watch out for catfish, seems to be everywhere these days. Especially on free sites like POF.

There are also money scams on these sites, but I won't warn you about the seemingly perfect man who at some point asks for money bc you are way to smart for that.

Expect highs and lows. Everyone I know who has doe this gets really excited and has a million logs in the fire, then just gets overwhelmed by it all and goes into hiding for awhile. Rinse and repeat. This can also be a reason for the disappearing acts.

Finally, I always shop for groceries in the middle of the night. It is usually me and about 10 single men. Just a personal observation...

Good luck lady!

Oh ya, another thing that you are already doing it seems. Give people a nickname based on a defining characteristic. Farm boy for the farmer, blueberry for the guy who likes blueberry beer, etc. it helps to keep them straight, it can get confusing when you converse with a lot of people at once. (plus it is easier for your friends to keep up with the stories).

My bro is blissfully married to 'lucky number 13.'

Keep reading unwritten.

Oops there was supposed to be a smiley face there.

Yes he was and I did take it into account. Just as I would anyone's discomfort. It was half that, half being a bit fed up with the dating attitude I kept encountering. It was also curiosity to see where a few more dates with artist man would lead.



Hardly. I locked my first love and husband out of the house. I kept a dark Plan B when I was expiring with distress and thwarted love and the withdrawal was giving me physical pains.

With respect, I can handle a second date with someone I am not in love with not working out.

Also, he made it very clear that his discomfort was his problem and that he wasn't going anywhere, regardless.

Even a hint of a demand in his expression of this would have ended everything for me right then and there.

Great ideas, thanks guys

Just lurking Ladies I am way past the dating game age..(I started young?)

Its interesting to watch and see people exchange ideas and tactics, and see them come up with the same ideas I have too. Also seeing the MB Crowd doing well, as can be expected..

Like Pep, I will be looking for a sugar Momma, just because I don't want Money to be an issue at all, not because I want any of hers.. I'm too old for that anyways and wouldn't know how to. "Play Dat", so to speak...

On second thought, I will wait till I am independently wealthy so I know money won't matter..Then I can trust them right? Just look at Anna Nicole and her TV show...

But that's not fair, he must of known she was a flake and putting all that money in her hands was just plain irresponsible, but it was for love no?

Seriously Indie you sound great and this thread is awesome..

Now back to the program...

It was a simple question. And a pretty defensive response.

Hey Indie,

Congrats on the successful first dates.

I must say I am in agreement with your choice.

I get the need for contrast dating and for the 30 dates challenge but I also don't think that the 30 dates are time bound or that you have to be dating more than one person at a time to get a contrast, why can't you gat a contrast by dating one person at a time?
Why can't you contrast between artist man and your XH to begin with?

Here is my logic

The 30 dates are there so you can know what to look for in a future husband because eventually you want to remarry and share your life with Mr right.

You are at an advantage because you have Mb, you know about the qualities you should look for in a mr right and how to protect your future marriage against Affairs and heartache while having a very exceptionally happy marriage.

If Artist man turns put to be your future Mr right then you have found him and will be happy.

If artist man isn't then you have another person to contrast your next dates against.

I personally think that dating one person at a time is beneficial because you can concentrate on each person and get a deeper knowledge of what you want and don't want from a future spouse.


I'm in the UK too and would like to point out that dating is very different here. British men are not used to going out with ladies who are also dating other men. It's simply not the culture here.
Dating exclusively is the norm not the exception here so I can understand why artist man might have been a little bothered by the 30 dates concept and got confused to the point of thinking and suggesting that they only be friends.

Hope you have fun indie and as everyone suggested already keep your guards up and take it slow.

Thanks to you kerala I had to spend all day catching up to see what I was missing!

IG might still have a need for late night groceries in the future, if Art doesn't ride off into the sunset with her...

For one, because this could take a really, really long time. Fine if you are in your 20's, but I don't think Indie wants to date for another decade. But I could be wrong.

If I were online dating, and after the first date someone wanted to be exclusive, that would be a red flag to me honestly. If I knew someone for a decade and was good friends with them, and then we started dating, I would STILL not be exclusive after 1 date.

You won't even snog on date 1 but on date 2 you will decide to become exclusive? Doesn't sound rational, sorry.

I also agree that it is too soon to meet anyone's parents. In my teens and early 20's I introduced everyone to mom and dad. But now I would not introduce someone to the rents unless it was so serious I was thinking possible marriage, and wanted parents to meet him before he popped the question. For any of my single friends who are dating, this is standard quo.

Just my .02 if you needed any more, doesn't seem like you do

I'm confident you'll do fine however this works out. Just don't want to see you get so warm and fuzzy you derail your overall plan. You know how it goes, follow the plan, not your emotions...

"Do I follow my head..or follow my heart.."

Just reminds me of that REO Speedwagon song from thier album in the 80s..Funny was struggling then too with that question..

Please understand so much of that part of my life is over, married in 1977 to my first GF in HS who I dated for 2 years prior, yeah sweet 16 I guess it was..

separated in 1980 and it was really over, and boy was I messed up. So much so that my buddys GF,(Who I guess had a coke history or something), used to jump in when the guys called me "Head case" I just replied with.."Well at least I have a head on my shoulders..." Yeah she was pathetic..

But the song meant the same thing, and asked the same questions.."Are we going to blame ourselves for where we let our hearts lead us?" I mean when we are older, less hormone drives, less afraid of being alone. More sure of ourselves..

Will we be ready when we change, and yes we will change,(Didn't David Bowie write a song...sorry)

How much of our emotions can be attributed to fear and loneliness, of making a mistake and living it down, when in fact we are human and we are bound to make mistakes, its in our nature, lessons learned.

But sharing this experience, this very deep experience with someone and making it sacred, is the most important and yet seems the most fragile thing..Im talking about sharing the car keys and the apt but more than that..sharing the bringing up of children in the world. Just bringing them into the world is enough of an honor we get from Nature, but sharing what it takes to love and raise them?

I am proud to say that Dr Hs wisdom and his teaching is the closest thing I have ever heard to good marriage discipline, and practical also on so many levels.

Join me in this joke on my behalf folks..I Mean I can take a joke...

CP SAYS.."What? I am 55, have 4 wonderful kids, am a diabetic and am out of work collecting disability, my wife was an addict who died because she didn't take care of herself,,and NOW I FIND MB?..Whats more is I recently found out that this board just got straightened out in 2008, and I joined in 2009, six months after my wife passed away?"

I am not in crisis, my children are all doing fine, but hey lol...

Yeah the contrast effect sounds really good Indie, I know your not going to be crazy and you know you are worth way mare than this guy says anyways..Yeah he has got to prove it...

Take your time Indie is my advice too..

You're right. I think I made my point, but I didn't have to get quite so on my high horse and be so snooty about it.

I shouldn't forget these questions are being driven by concern. And I shouldn't act like such a know-it-all. Sorry. Forgive me?

Of course.

I've been thinking that this whole sitch may point up some of the limits of certain aspects of MB thinking as applied to different cultural milieus.