Love it! Gonna be my sig!

Here ya go, Dollyhoe, MAKE MY DAY!!

Taffy had his telephone interview with the Dolly's HR Manager this morning.
The outcome/what I learned:

1. Taffy had not initiated or encouraged contact with/from the Dolly since NC letter #2, Aug/12. (Good)
2. Taffy confirmed and corroborated everything I had said in my interview. (Good)
3. HR Mgr says she will need complete documentation, including both NC letters (which I have sent to her), and the telephone logs documenting calls/emails sent by the Dolly after 2nd NC letter (which we will have to fish around to locate.)
4. HR Mgr says if she is to proceed with an investigation Taffy must file a letter of complaint, as I am a "third party."
5. HR Mgr suggested Taffy should contact the Dolly and remind her of his request for no contact. (Bad!!) Taffy told HR Mgr he would discuss it with me.

Where we stand: Taffy was defensive of me to HR Mgr (good) BUT, he was also protective of the Dolly (bad), saying he didn't want her to be reprimanded for her actions. UGH.

I said no way to him contacting the Dolly in any way. If he won't file the complaint with the Dolly's employer, he must at the very least have a lawyer send a Cease and Desist letter. I do not want to soft-peddle this to the Dolly in any way. Taffy says he thinks she wants to make up, that she likely realizes she was out of line with her threats and vitriolic emails to me. My point is, so what?

Taffy told me today he thinks she is no worse a person than he is, so therefore she shouldn't suffer for her actions. He just wants to move on.

I called the MB office to schedule an appointment w/Steve so we could get some unbiased, but MB-based, input. Unfortunately he is away until next week, so we are booked for Wednesday. But I really don't want to be in limbo for the next week. UGH.

Steve is away this week?

Yes, until Tuesday, and we could not make the one appointment he had left that day. So Wed. a.m. it is.

Taffy and I will be spending every minute together until Monday a.m., so should be some opportunity to POJA.

Taffy says he agrees something must be done to stop further contact.

P the T:
Taffy says you are right. Message received loud and clear.

Thanks!

That is the post of the YEAR!

Ok then.

Good week last week. 49 hours of UA time.

Finally got Taffy to the Sunday scheduling meeting, which we said we'd do every Sunday. This was the first one, and it was interrupted part way through. Then I had to "remind" him that we needed to finish the scheduling for this week, at the end of the day.

And I had "suggested" he try putting his reminders of NC plan and Vulnerability Protection plan onto his calendar to remind himself to do them. (Agreed to review twice a week, which never happens if I don't remind him.)

Now tonight was our first UA date of the week, which we both wrote into our calendars, just yesterday. He was 1.5 hours late. No explanation, just he "got busy and forgot." He apologized, and then I told him it hurt me because it feels like you just don't care, like I and our Marriage is not that important to him. He apologized again. But that is all.

I don't want to demand or AO, but I am getting tired of holding my breath until he gets it. I don't see how this is helping to rebuild my trust in him or lessen my resentment, or even help me fall in love with him again.

He has always been pretty selfish and prone to IB, so I understand this is new to him. But come on!

Okay, end of rant. I am writing out EP's now and asking Steve in our next appointment (postponed to Thursday now, because Taffy has a conflicting appointment which he didn't mention at the time of booking) if I can deliver them to Taffy. I am not used to all this waffling or waiting!

It seems like he is still upset with you for exposing the affair at the OW's workplace--but he knows he shouldn't be--so he is taking it out on you through passive aggressive behavior.

JessicaClaire;

OMG, you are right... Hadn't realized it was passive aggressive behavior, but it is classic!

Had a heart-to-heart with Taff his morning. Expressed how much his behavior and attitude hurt me. He was contrite, said he hadn't realized it was this urgent. That he would try to do better.

I said, no trying... Doing... (Thanks, Yoda)

He did get kinda angry at one point in the conversation, said he felt like I was calling him on the carpet. I said, on the contrary, I am living up to MY promise to let him know when things bother me.

UPDATE:

Big improvements.

Had our session w/ SHarley yesterday. Went over events, incl. call from the Dolly, and our subsequent actions. SH got me to see that the BEST action for now is to send the Dolly a legal Cease and Desist letter. The complaint I filed w/ the Dolly's HR Manager will only be followed up on if Taffy files a letter with HR, as I am "a third party." And the company would only be looking to curb her contacting him from work. A C&D letter will be more encompassing.

SH says we are doing well, and pulling together as a team. He gave us the green light to start the online program. We are enthusiastic.

Taffy made the appointment with our lawyer for next week, for C&D letter.

Then he called the Dolly's HR Mgr back and said he would. To be filing a written complaint at this time, that we were going to use a C&D letter. He said he will file a complaint in future if the Dolly contacts him again from work. So at this time, the Dolly has no idea I exposed to her work. Though they are not presently taking action, the note will be in her file. If she knew, we both suspect she go ballistic again.

Since I told Taffy how much his foot-dragging' ways hurt me, he has stepped up. SH reminded me that T is learning new habits, that they won't be automatic for a while.

We are getting lots of UA time.... 13 so far this week, another 15 scheduled.

I requested Taffy to post on the forum every 2 days. He is mulling and will give me his answer this weekend. And I said I want him to apologize to my parents, which he had already agreed to do, but was going to wait until we are there in person, end of Feb., as it would be more personal. I suggested he could call or write now, then do the face-to-face follow up in person. Again, he is mulling.

Thanks catwit for the update.

How do you feel about it?

Calm, Brainy, I feel calm.

I am happy Taffy is demonstrating his care, not just verbalizing it.

Excited to get going on the online course.

Interested to see what fallout, if any, occurs from the C&D letter. The Dolly has reacted badly to upset in the past.

Update:

Had our meeting w/ our lawyer this week, regarding sending a Cease and Desist letter to the Dolly. (She continues to contact Taffy, at least 3 verifiable times since Aug/12 NC letter...) Lawyer advised that we would need to use a Canadian solicitor, since that is where the Dolly resides. Sigh... We are going to be travelling there end of February, so I will make an appointment for us for while we are there. US lawyer looked over documentation and said we have a good case for C & D letter, but, in WA state, not for a restraining order. Apparently, in this state, a RO is applicable only where there is a physical threat.

I really don't like all this waiting around. By the time the Dolly gets the C&D letter, it will have been 9 weeks since her January 4 phone call to Taffy. I did send the info to her HR department, but they have not told her of this. They will only follow up on a written complaint from Taffy, and SH advised us that going the lawyer route would produce more of he result we wanted.

SH did say he was surprised I didn't cc the Dolly on my email to her HR. Sure wish I had...But as of now, she doesn't even know she's been exposed. So, right now, no consequences for the Dolly having continued attempts at contact, that she knows of. I suspect the note will stay in her HR file, even if Taffy doesn't file a complaint, esp. since Taffy says she has had run-ins with HR before.

Taffy said if the C&D letter doesn't work, he will file the complaint with her HR Dept. His stated concern is that if she loses her job, she will go nuts. (Already demonstrated... Last time she even threatened my life.) Maybe even harm herself (which, while I don't care about her safety, I think a dead or self-harmed Dolly would be really bad for Taffy 's and my recovery.)

I am very frustrated. If I send the Dolly a copy of my email to her HR, she will likely go ape-dung crazy. But she will also learn that unless Taff files the complaint, no action is going to be taken.

If I send the Dolly a copy of my emails to her from August, where I demanded she have NC with Taffy, she will think I am not acting on my implied threat (I let her know I had her adulterous emails to Taffy, incl. naked photos.)

Any suggestions, or do I just have to wait until we can send the C & D letter in 5 more weeks? Such a delay seems so toothless to me. Plus, maybe she will try more contact. (Taff says she won't, since he hung up on her last time. I think he underestimates her. He says her consequences are that she has lost him forever; I have "won". Maybe goes in the "stupid things waywards say" thread?)

I think a dead...Dolly would be really bad for Taffy 's and my recovery.

On the contrary, it's wonderfully liberating!

LOL....
NG, you crack me up!!!