Glad to be of help where I can be, RQ! Hang in there... you are in my prayers and have been for a long time!

how are things sunnny? i know you're busy. your calm, wise voice, though, is such a welcome addition to the boards!

hope all is well with you. it's raining here - the first drops to make it to ground level in over a month. the breeze feels lovely!

Hey Sunny!! Hows it all going down in TX? I can see you have stuck around and I am Glad for that. Continued good luck..

Well, I just finished one of my classes for the semester. It was a "mini-mester" course that ran 8 weeks instead of 16 so it was twice the work. That frees me up some! I also just finished with the big fund-raising event I was chairing so that also frees up some time. I shouldn't be nearly as busy over the next few months as I have been, thankfully! Well...except now I need to get my house back in good shape. It suffered a bit with my schedule.

Overall things are going very well! The good thing about my courses this semester is that I've been able to turn some of my assignments into UA time - a definite bonus. I'm taking Astronomy and H has gone with me star gazing and we've had such a good time! I'm also taking Geology and he wants to go on this upcoming field trip with me. My Psychology of Adjustment class has allowed me to discuss a lot of MB stuff - which I like. I feel like I've been able to do some good with some of the younger folks in the class. Maybe I've at least made them think about some things when we've discussed marriage and relationships - the professor too. lol He's seemed pretty interested in what I've had to say on the subject.

Glad you're getting some rain - it's always nice when you haven't had any for awhile! Sounds like things are good with you too.

So....hopefully, with my more relaxed schedule I can help out around here a bit more. And thank you for the vote of confidence and kind words. Experience is the best teacher,
isn't it?!

Thanks, CP! I DO try and stick around and at least keep up - even when I'm busy I'm reading if not posting.

Things are really good for the most part. I'm not looking forward to the climbing heat here in Texas...but...it is what it is. Sigh. Some people get Winter blues; I get Summer blues!!! I HATE the heat. I grew up in Florida - you'd think I'd be used to it, but NO! blech! lol

How are things with you???

Hi Sunny! can you believe that I am still kicking around the boards here? Almost 2 years and it's like a support group that I just can't leave. I wish I could, I really do.

Anyway, just wanted to pop in and say hi. I've seen you show up online a time or two and was hoping that the next time you did, you could post an update.

Hope you and the family are well!

~RQ

Hi RQ!!!!

It's crazy how fast the time flies, isn't it?!!! H and I just passed the 3 year recovery mark and I just shake my head in disbelief that it's been that long. When you're first going through it you just want time to go as quickly as it can yet it feels like it moves at a turtle's pace. Looking back... where has the time gone?!

We are doing VERY well! Thanks for asking! I can truly say that we have the exceptional marriage we were shooting for. Went to my niece's wedding recently and gave her and her new hubby all the MB workbooks/books... I hope they utilize them.

Yes - I still check up on the people I care about when I can.
I've just been extremely busy. We were out of town a lot over the summer and I've got extremely difficult classes this semester along with chairing several events and doing volunteer work... and keeping UA time...and well...you know, family stuff...

I'm hoping that you get to move soon! New cities can be very refreshing.

Good to hear from you!

@SunnyDinTX: Right there with you. It's been four and a half years since D-day for us (almost exactly four years since the real beginning of recovery), and things are really, really good. I can visit the board without triggering, which is... well, progress.

Getting the fifteen hours a week together alone remains critical. Easy to fall into the watching TV trap. A weekly, scheduled 4 or 5 hour date plus having lunch together during the week and going shopping together & whatnot really helps.

Good on you. I remember when things looked hopeless for you. Glad to see your optimism bubbling over!

Thanks, Door! Glad things are going well for you also!

Yes - I agree - so easy to fall into the tv trap, especially when you're both exhausted from working and in my case, school. We have a couple of shows that are must see for us, but it's important to do other things for UA time.

The holidays are great for UA time - so that's another reason I love this time of year. When we were first in recovery one of my favorite things was H and I jumping in the car with a hot coffee or cocoa and driving around looking at Christmas lights, playing Christmas music. At the time I was very thankful for Christmas music because there was nothing in it that triggered thoughts of the A!

Sorry to thread jack here, but if you don't mind may I ask a question about this? Not picking on you just an honest question.

I see this all the time from people in recovered marriages and they claim to be getting in their 15 hours. But here you say you have only 4 or 5 hours scheduled and the rest of it seems to be just winging it. (Lunch, going shopping together, and whatnot).

DNM-
How would you feel about starting a new thread? It sounds like some of us would like to post to you but are not sure that you would want your old thread resurrected.

Good to see you back.

And hello again SunnyD! �=

No worries on the threadjack. Here's an example of our 15 hours a week, from this week's activities combined a bit with last week's. Note these are things WE enjoy from our lists of activities we like together. There is room in UA for activities you do in the same physical location that give you shared experiences without it involving a lot of constant physical affection...

Sunday: Read books together snuggled in bed for 2 hours, talked about what we were reading for another hour. 3 hours.

Monday: Cooked breakfast together (30 minutes). Family night that night, so no specific together-time.

Tuesday: Cooked breakfast together (30 minutes). I came home from work for lunch. We made love then had lunch together, then I worked from home for the afternoon. 90 minutes, but working from home I take frequent breaks too and we chatted in the kitchen several times even while I was working on my laptop.

Wednesday: Cooked breakfast together (30 minutes). Texted frequently throughout the day. Drove home for lunch, ate lunch together (45 minutes). Leftovers were yummy. Traded massages & made love 9PM to 11:30PM (2.5 hours).

Thursday: Cooked breakfast together (30 minutes). Started some research on the "common core" education thing, as I know very little about it. Took a lunch break from work and researched it together, her on the iPad, me on my laptop, next to one another, and talked about it for an hour over lunch. (1 hour, plus a bit here & there). Went to Home Depot together after dinner, bought a new refrigerator. Very exciting. (2 hours)

Friday: Cooked breakfast together (30 minutes). Got together with some friends to grab some Pho. Played games, stayed up late and ate food we shouldn't have (3 hours)

Saturday: Scheduled date night. Dinner, movie, snuggle time, etc. (4 hours)

Final tally: Right about 20 hours a week. And this is pretty typical for us; some weeks it's a lot more, some weeks a little less.

You need to find a plan that works for YOU. Dr. Harley's usual recommendation is to go on four four-hour dates per week. What we find works for us it to find reasons to spend time together doing things we enjoy: shopping, visiting, eating, cooking, a few hobbies, etc.

The end result is LOTS of time spent together doing things we enjoy. It may not be what YOU enjoy (for instance, cooking breakfast? Not on many people's radars, but we enjoy it), but it is what WE enjoy. When we started, we specifically scheduled our lunches together... these days, we just know what nights of the week we'll be free from other obligations, and spend them together doing stuff we enjoy.

Hi, Sunny! I'm glad to see all is well in your life/marriage.

We, too, are solid as a rock ... though I did look at MB forum yesterday (D-Day three years ago). I wasn't too mired in antiversary memories (did not mention anything to FWS), but I was working a rare evening shift, which was a huge aspect of why we grew apart. These rare evening shifts always bother me now, but REALLY bug me when September/November hit. Didn't realize until I logged in at work that it was D-Day.

Then today it snowed. Really gorgeous, huge flakes -- the first of the year. I used to love this kind of snow globe flurry. But it's also the same kind that fell the morning of 11/10/2010 as I finally got ahold of FWS via phone, who was "on a business trip" but really at a hotel with POSOW. So, now that kind of snow -- right around D-Day -- still makes me sad. Ugh!

So, trying to shake that feeling off. So much is so good for us. We have launched our video business and I'm seriously contemplating taking it full time in 2014. It's something hugely creative and satisfying for the two of us (FWS shoots with me); plus we work together at it, and 95% of the time, it's a huge positive in our lives. Our kids are great. Our health is good. We have a ton of fun together (plenty of UA time).

So, many pluses in the recovery column. I will endeavor to keep those pluses in the forefront today!

Hugs to you, Sunny!

SWEETPEA!!!!!! SOOOOOO good to hear from you! And so good to know that all is well. I've thought of you often - especially since our journeys have such similar timetables.

I know exactly how you feel about the snow/D day trigger. I did find that I triggered a bit back in October but got over it fairly quickly. The past couple of years it made me sad and this year I was more angry... maybe that's progress. LOL

Overall though, I can't complain. Even the small triggering was fleeting compared to what used to be.

Very exciting about your video business! And yes - you do have a lot of pluses to be thankful for. Very glad you popped in to say hi! Hugs to you as well!