LOL. I like it too.
But to what end?
Listen, my ex wife did the same thing. Going to another mans house for sex.
I can tell you something better than calling her a slut: KINDNESS.

When she asks these questions or wants to talk, simply offer her a cup of coffee.
I'm serious. It sounds crazy but it will upset her more I promise you. And more importantly remember this: She is responsible for her action and YOU are responsible for yours.

I did a plan A until the day of divorce. And I'm glad I did. You have a child and logically it would be best if she decided to become a dedicated wife , wouldn't it?

Your best option is to plan A until divorce.

Even if you want divorce, plan A. It will help you be a better man. I know from experience

Justthe3ofus and Jedi_Knight, I agree with what you are both saying. The one thing I'm finding hard to do, is to not let myself go back on the line I drew in the sand. I know D'ing is my main option fight now, but when I spend time with my D I feel this sense to keep my family together. But I know it's not right. That makes me hate my WW even more!

Its natural and understandable to feel hatred, contempt and anger. I hated my WW too, and when I come across a picture of her that was snapped at the time she was in the affair, those emotions come crumbling down on me all over again.

We say here that love in a action more than it is a feeling. Feelings follow actions. Love that dies can be resurrected with the right actions applied over time. An so it is with hate. If we let our feelings dictate our actions, we will show hatred and contempt to the person who injures us, and there will be zero chance of recovery. But if we answer evil with love (or in the case of plan b simply avoiding Love Busters), we have a chance to recover our family and our marriage. Furthermore, by doing so we build on a foundation of MB principles that will serve us well in our next relationship.

Furthermore, by doing so we build on a foundation of MB principles that will serve us well in our next relationship.

Agreed, which is why I suggested starting with PORH!!!

"Well, WW, your actions made obvious the fact that you and I should not remain married. I would probably have not been able to reach that firm a conclusion if you hadn't demonstrated that you have become a cheap, easy, slut."

Justthe3ofus, that is powerful stuff.

NG, I'm not sure what PORH means. I do like your statement but I may leave the cheap easy slut off for now.

We have a tax appointment tomorrow. She asked if I was planning on picking her up from work, as is how we normally did it in the past. So I just said NO and left it at that. Just to say that felt good, even though it was just to say NO!!!

Good for you FB. Stand up to her and don't let her cake eat anymore.

I'm not sure what PORH means.

Principle Of Radical Honesty

I may leave the cheap easy slut off for now.

Yeah, you're probably right. She'll likely get cheaper and easier after you kick her out, so you might want to remain "understated" for the present!

Here you go.
Policy of Radical Honesty

BrainHurts, thanks for the link. The article has alot of good info. I just need to learn how to apply it to my sitch.

Well, I have been trying to practice avoiding the love buster things as justthe3ofus had brought to my attn. I have found 2 things. 1 it has in just a short period of time gotten my W to talk to me, and was even venting to me about work and I found myself listening. But the other thing I noticed is that if I don't keep anger in my heart over her, I start to feel love. I don't want to because this will make my following through with my D that much harder. Not sure if that makes any sense, but I feel like if I go back on following through with the D then I'm back to being a doormat and who knows if she ends her affair or not. It hasn't been discussed and I'm not going to bring it up.

Should I feel this confused or conflicted over someting that should be cut and dry?

FB, you really don't get the point of the principles on this site, do you?

One's feelings for another are strictly the balance struck between the EN's that person supplies, and the LBs created in day-to-day living. When the ENs grow one feels "love". When actions and attitudes are unpleasant, those Love Busters wear down the Love Balance. That's it! There ain't no great mysteries here.

So your EN(s) are being satisfied at a great pace by your comfortable relations as you and Skanky interact on other-than-conflicting terms. We don't know what they are. We can guess, however.

1) SF - Yeah, you might not be tapping that right now, but the memories of what WAS are still lighting up your gonadal region.

2) IC - She might be the greatest "talker of romance" in the world, and you might be open to listening.

3) FC - Yeah, she bolted to AZ to get her pipes cleaned by POSOM. but she remains the delivery system that provided you with one of the great joys in your life, DD.

And, having communicated with you several times now, it's clear you don't trust outside advice worth a damn. I suspect there is a part of FB hunkered waaaaay down inside you that would actually enjoy NOT standing up for your own self-worth, and accepting her back. You'll comfort yourself with deciding she's "changed", without any proof, and what she did "wasn't so bad".

What is startling, however, is that the LBs which to other folks would be eternal based on memories of her dismissive, arrogant, and in-your-face flight to AZ seem to have for you a life shorter than that of the common fruit-fly. I expect you'll soon be saying, (figuratively) "Well I'm a doormat, but at least it's only mud being wiped on me, and not dog [censored]! And even if it is dog [censored], it came from healthy dogs!"

I think I'm exactly the wrong counselor for you on this matter, right now. Your (latent) attitude of "Maybe....." and mine of "No eff'ing way....." cannot be more at odds.

Divorce is one of the hardest times of your life.
I finished my divorce last year. I was married 10 years and the divorce didn't take too long. It drained me, wiped me out.
But I've come back. You will have good days and bad days.
I just kept repeating to myself: I can't control her actions, I can only control mine.

You can hold out hope that she will come around. But a warning: if the SAA program is not followed WITHOUT DEVIATION it will fail.

NG, I know you are getting pist at me and I feel like I have gained a lot of knowledge since being on here. Sometimes I feel like venting my feelings on here is a better alternative than keeping them in or saying them to my "skank" as you put it.

Jedi_Knight, I feel like once I hit bottom, the bottom opens up and I fall even more. When does that stop?

Sometimes I feel like venting my feelings on here is a better alternative than keeping them in or saying them to my "skank" as you put it.

Good enough, FB. I'll tell you what - if you seem to drift off the beam again, my only response will be, "Would you reconsider, FB?" If you can snap back within a day, it would save me a spitload of two-finger typing, and a bottle of Maalox!

NG, I'm a 2 finger typist as well..... I'm trying to stay the course so to speak. I want to stay the course.... I come on here for that very assistance.

Whether you know it or not, you and a few others help me keep that goal in mind. Not that it influences me per say, but it's a 3rd party opinion. I need that, I am also a fan of tough love, and at times need to be hit in the head with truth and honesty.

In the end we can only control our actions. We can't control the behaviors of others.

I feel like once I hit bottom, the bottom opens up and I fall even more. When does that stop?

Do you mind if I chime in? (Like I'd refrain anyway....)

You description of your feelings in your situation is apt. It will end when you remove your tormentor from the levers controlling the trap doors!

Or, given this is Super Bowl Weeekend...



Do you LIKE playing football with your Lucy?

NG, well played, well played...and true!

Fire boss have you taken any steps to hire a PI and get this guy in AZ yet?

Have you read Surviving an Affair by Dr Harley?