I just joined this thread.
I've been reading Art of Manliness articles for about a year now.
I look forward to learning more

Well today was my birthday and I must say I felt a desire for my ex wife to email me happy birthday.
Why do I desire that?

I felt a little sad this evening.
Is that normal?

Well. An update.
My ex wife last week asked ds during visitation if she could join us in recreational activity. She said to ask me.

This week (today) she gave the kids a birthday card in an envelope to give to me.

I should throw the card away, unread Right?

(belated).

Sorry you're sad. After a D even with a very sick spouse you still miss the good times.

The more time will help. Even when a wayward is abusive and hurtful it is still tough.

How is your support system IRL?

Thank you.
What does IRL mean?

IRL=in real life

Well.
I really don't talk about it much.
I've been focusing on day to day responsibilities; (I'm a contractor); bidding jobs, getting kids to and from school (3); laundry; dinner; showers and bedtime.
I just haven't had time to deal with emotions.

My 6 year old has been crying every night for mommy. She's having a hard time.
The others are adjusting okay, but they still dont understand and my son blames me for mommy being gone.

Fortunately, our home is more organized than ever before. We have a schedule that we never had. The kids are doing good in school. We stay involved in church and family traditions we have started.

For support I did attend my first AlAnon meeting since divorce. And it was nice to attend.

I do feel much better today.
I'm always a little sad or regretful that I didn't find MB before her affair.
But it probably wouldn't have made a difference anyways. Dr Harley said that people with personality disorders can't follow the POJA. And I understand what he said. But emotionally (not intellectually) I want to believe that it could all be fixed.

I do believe that my number one priority is the care of my three kids. So that's kind of where my focus is now. I am also in active foreclosure and plan on filing bankruptcy (could use Tim's advice time to time).

Sometimes I do feel lonely. But I remember the last year and her affair nearly destroyed me. I am so thankful that I am protected from her behavior now. The question I keep asking myself, is that I really never thought she was that odd.
It took an email to Dr Harley for him to say she had a personality disorder, and it took only 2 meetings with the custody evaluator for the court to issue an emergency custody order....all while I was trying to expect a sane response to my plan A (from a person that makes insane decisions).

Going forward my plan is to maintain health (all around health), be a good parent and role model, and start over in my life. It's definitely a new chapter, if not a new book.

When I get bogged down in what ifs, I remember that "I can't control the actions of others. I can only control how I allow their behavior to affect me" and to "Let Go and Let God"

I do care for my ex wife. I am afraid that she is in a dark place in her life now. But I also know that God loves her and can help her much more than I can.

Sorry for rambling on. I know you only asked me a simple question but I felt like I had to get this off my mind.

I wouldn't participate in any joint recreational activity with her and would toss the card in the trash unopened. Don't mention the card to the kids because she'll surely ask them about it. She needs to get the point that you two are not related. Besides, these little pop ups that she does isn't helping you.

Maybe you could start a thread in the divorced/divorcing?

Okay. I'll start a thread there

Oops, nevermind--I see you have one there already.

I just figured that others in your situation would be more likely to respond in that forum.

JediKnight, are you fighting depression?

No. Thanks for asking.
I just felt sad on my birthday in the evening.
I struggle with emotions vs logic.
I feel good. But 10 years of marriage even with bizarre behavior I miss her at times.

I understand completely! I hope you get to feeling better, friend.

A belated happy birthday to you!

Thank you.

Belated happy B-day, master (name withheld). May the 4th be with you!

Welcome

I just received the Art of Manliness book in the mail today.

What a great publication that is too. I am refering to the webpage, but I imagine the book mirrors the same..

Reminds me of the Boys scouts of the 60s when i was one, and the spirit behind them too. Of becoming a Man and what was required to wear the label, or title, or to earn it also..

Its the spirit and intentions that really count, and see us through the storms in life, where we come out stronger because we stood for the standard, or the flag or banner, of what being a man is supposed to be.

We are all in need of instruction, and only the humble are prepared for that, and seek it willingly without embarrassment. Becoming a Man is a process, and we all are in need of instruction, all our lives

The book encourages men to use safety razors for shaving.
I have always used disposable blades and shaving cream out of a can.
Fortunately my father had an extra Gillette safety razor.
I bought some soap and a brush from Walmart and WOW! I love to shave now! I also bought a syptic Pencil (previously I had always used toilet paper) and it stings but works great!

I threw away all my shaving cream cans and disposable blades and truly enjoy shaving now!