How is the exposure coming along?

Work is difficult, I have no contacts, but can go through old papers when he goes to work tomorrow. Friends working on OWS contact info...gotta go...thanks

To get his workplace exposure info, go to the company website and look up the name and contact info of the Human Resources Director, his supervisor and a key VP. They should be your exposure targets at work. It is not difficult at all.

Are you working on your exposure list?

He's been almost sitting on me all day.
Have 3 of WH family members. WH's D already knows and is getting contact on the other two. He is devastated.
New system went into place on the first and HR is under construction, but found a workplace email to a coworker he considers a mentor.
Haven't been able to check with progress on OW's S today, but will tomorrow morning.

Big disappointment: tax filing delayed because of fiscal cliff/ college hope credit...5 in college....was counting on that for lawyer, but the return is signed and set for the new account.

Will see if lawyer will see me anyway

You can send a certified letter to the HR Director [call there and get his name], a key VP and your husband's supervisor. An email to one of his friends will have a minor effect. And so will a trickle exposure. A trickle, trickle exposure is usually enough to just tick off the affairees and avail you little. It has the effect of bringing a pea shooter to a gun fight.

ok, I understand.

I do think that exposure and plan B may be in very close proximity to one another. Any suggestions on notification?

If you take a very proactive, comprehensive approach to exposure, you might not have to go into Plan B. Exposure is your best chance at avoiding separation which is why I am encouraging you to be thorough and proactive. The better the exposure, the better the chance at killing the affair and saving your marriage.

So I would execute the best exposure you can and THEN when the dust settles, decide if you need to go into Plan B.

Certified letter sent, still looking for OW's S information.

His family members and most people if not all the ones we know will not approach him about anything negative. Never mind a situation like this one! This includes his father who is a retired career Army Major. It's not just aggression, but goes well beyond that and everyone I know is too afraid of him except for 1 cousin that lives 3000 miles away.

I can handle the verbal ambush I'm going to get but everyone else I know will not put themselves in the middle of this.

Moving forward...

rock06, a big reason for exposure is putting the truth out there. Imagine how uncomfortable it would be for the infidels to show up at a family gathering when Aunt May and Cousin Louie, etc, etc know that they destroyed their families. It helps to put it out there that they have no future together. That they will be judged by their families and peers for their indescretions.

I really do understand. We just don't have that kind of family

The only family gathering is at our house with only 3 other members from his family participating. One knows, the other two I will be contacting. There is not a large circle besides our nuclear family here.

WH will be plotting revenge...immediately....hence why I need my ducks in a row.

We were union stewards together and worked our daughter's custody/adoption case for 7 years....I know what he is capable of and sitting on the other side of the table scares me to death no matter how right I am.

Sorry, very tired today waiting for test results and edgy.

No matter how I feel this will happen because I just can't live like this much longer.

Thanks for the advice

That is why it is important to expose as much her side as you can. Whatever friends, families, gossip-mongers you can.

You can do this. Sounds like you are being very proactive and that is great!

In that case you will want a bulldog attorney backing you up. I know you may not want to think divorce but if he is as scary as you say a good lawyer will be able to help you.

I agree ...she is a Hispanic so I have my Spanish speaking friends networking to find her family members and her S.

A good lawyer will be a necessity!! He says he has no intention of getting married again and wants to stay married even if he leaves so I can supposedly keep my health insurance.....or so they don't start taking child support out. Alimony will be difficult, we've been together for 16 years but married only 3.

That is fine if they won't approach him. Some family and friends won't because they don't give a damn. But you should still expose to them. Just knowing that his whole family knows often has an effect. You don't only expose if you are certain a person will approach the WS, most don't. And also, you have no idea who will or won't have an effect on him. People are usually surprised.

OK I understand what you're saying and I do know that it bothers him if people find out anything negative about him if he really cares about them. But generally he'll just disappear from their radar for a while, a year or so. It will be a lonely year, except for OW....whose stimulating conversation is limited. (ok, that was unnecessary).

There are literally only 15 people in his life, but they will all know shortly.

He will hate me and he will come after me and I will stay calm and carry on. But I do need an exit plan B because as much as I would love exposure to work, I know him too well.

Because when I take control of the affair away from him, he is going to do everything in his power to make my life miserable. When I do not engage him, his retribution will eventually peak and he'll calm down and hopefully think.

After exposure day....would a man like this do better with written notification? Maybe take kids away for that day....?

That would be great! It sounds like exposure would have the desired effect. The isolation is added pressure to the infidels.


I would make plans to separate soon after exposure. Once you separate, you can send him a plan B letter and then go completely dark.


You would have to decide the best way to get him out. If you think a written letter would do that, then I would encourage that. Once he has moved out, THEN you would give him a Plan B letter and go dark.

And here is the beauty of the whole thing. Exposing to his family will further isolate him, which puts more pressure on the affair. It makes him realize what he has LOST for the affair. If he "disappears" from their radar, it will only be because he is fogged out in his affair, but when his affair ends, he won't isolate from them.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I know this will be one of the worst time periods of this roller coaster ride and I'll be as ready as I possibly can be....and he won't.

I get edgy because I remember separating from my 1H which was the catalyst of a 3 hr beating

WH is not this way but you could understand where it might give you pause

I gotcha! You will be fine, my friend..