Oh, and don't forget to come up for air

AGG

I know we disagree on this. You said engaged was committed in your previous post but not in this one. Engaged is still not committed then. I know this discussion has gone on in other threads...we all have different definitions and could go round and round forever...that was basically my point.

Engaged is a little committed, at best, because there has been a verbal promise, but that is not the same thing as marriage. Promises can be broken without penalty. A commitment is not demonstrated by empty words, but by a legal marriage. No one would take me seriously if I showed up at the local car dealership and told them I was "committed" to a certain car but never signed any papers. That would be just empty talk.

Is it called a snog, snogging or snogged when you have to come up for air?

And also the important thing is Indie's definition of exclusive. Lets not forget she is in the UK and I have gotten the idea all along that she is saying one thing and many of you are hearing another.

I think Melody's take on it is the one closest to how Indie is thinking and is NOT contrary to anything Dr. Harley has to say on dating.

Second chances are wonderful. I am always happy for my friends that find a new life...especially when I feel they have done the work to see where they went wrong the first time.

erm...i don't want to peeve anyone off or anything, but maybe someone could start a committed versus exclusive thread in other topics maybe? i've just caught up on indie's thread after more than a week away (about 300 posts), and frankly, there's been very little about indie and her new life, and a whole lotta "well i think XXX means..."

in summary, indie stated very early on in my catch up that she was only going to date artistman. since then, a lot of meaningless, really, debate on semantics. indie has told us what she means. she has stated that she and artistman have an O&H understanding of that meaning. that's all that matters, in MvHO.

indie, i'm not going to bother with my opinion about your decision (unless you ask, natch!). i just want to hear what's going on with you as a newly single gal. please do come back and post.

Why not put those of us whose posts you don't like on ignore? Problem solved! The subject of commitment and exclusivity is very relevant to the subject, but you don't have to read our "meaningless" posts.

I'm not sure why everybody is having a hard time with Indie's concept of exclusive. It seems pretty clear to me. She agreed to not parallel date while seeing Artistguy. She isn't committed to him and may decide to move on to other prospects at any time, but likes this guy enough to give him the spotlight for a while and see where it goes.

Personally I like the idea. It shows a lot of respect to Artistguy without making any real commitment.

I don't think that it will affect Indie's choices or goals that much as she is a smart cookie (one of the few that did a real plan B), the only downside I see is the disappointment Artistman will feel if she takes an interest in someone else, but then again that is the chance we all take in the dating world.

Honestly, his desire for serial dating shows some signs that he is a buyer at heart. I would be more concerned if he didn't care that she was dating others at the same time.

I think that this thread would be more useful if the focus was on how he treats Indie and if he is able to meet her needs or not as it seems kinda silly to discuss how committed she is when she has mentioned over and over that she is taking it slow, is open and perusing other prospects to date, but wants to take the time to see where this one goes.

ak

As for continuing to post, I think I have to think exactly what do I want to get out of this thread? I do very much want other people to be able to take something from my experiences. But I also need to think about myself first.

I think I have reached the point where I don�t want feedback. I'm feeling more confident about my instincts and it's too hard wearing on my feelings to have those instincts critiqued in the way they have been.

I have taken some offence at things said on this thread. But I ASKED for opinions, so I have no right to moan if I am specifically asking for it.

It's just all gotten rather personal. It was one thing when I was asking 'Should I see this random internet man this weekend if he hasn't called me yet?' It was fine getting feedback on that question.

But the issues have stepped up a gear. It is now my relationship attitude being criticised. That hurts. There is also now a RL person who I care about and am dating who will be examined and picked apart on here if I continue. I am not sure if that is something I want to invite, or if it is wise to do so.

For now, I'll answer some points, give you all an update and then I will have a really serious think about the direction I want this thread to take.

Update:

So last night was great. When he showed up to pick me up, he brought me some chocolates. We went for a quiet drink some places where we knew we could get some talking done. I keep being very impressed, not only by his interests and insight but by his relationship attitude.

He was showing some interest in the 30 dates concept. How did it work, why had it appealed to me, was I happy with my decision to date him; he was very insightful to talk to.

He's made a point of mentioning that he hates arguing. He's been in some relationships with people who think it's 'normal and healthy' but he just hates it. I was curious what WAS his conflict resolution approach then? I feared it was conflict avoidance. No. He basically gave me a layman's description of POJA. He said he felt that people 'damage' you when they are angry. And that 'It changes something in the brain when people behave like that towards you". I said people should take the Hippocratic oath before entering a relationship: "First, do no harm" and he was very taken with that idea.

I'm seeing him tonight too. Not sure what we're doing yet. And tomorrow we're going to go look for the first snowdrops, take a few pictures and get lunch.

I reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaalllllllly like him.

No that would be so rude. I am interviewing for the post of his spouse too, remember. I want to make a good impression.

In fact I am not flirting AWAY from him either. I am prepared to, am looking to and would do, but I am not finding company stimulating enough that compares to him enough to do any flirting. At this point.

yes!

It's not you AGG, it's the way I set up the thread. Asking for feedback worked up to a point and now it doesnt feel like it is working any more.

I just told him I had a good Texan friend who has lots of guns

Thanks Lets, I did encourage the debate because I do like it normally. I am over it now!

Thank you ak, that means a lot

I think this is all perfectly understandable. This is your thread, after all. It was the reference to a specific Harley recommendation that got everything started...

You don't have to run your dating life according to anyone. And if you don't want feedback/criticism on this particular guy, you are entitled to post to minimize the chances of that.

I'm glad you still like him.

What she said.

Very happy for you!! You know who could be a great help is the poster optimism. I think he was even on the radio show with Dr Harley fine tuning his program while he was dating.

Thanks everybody