Here you go.
Private Investigators

Can you afford one?

Not really BH

Somehow you have to find out what he is up to during the day while you are out at work. You are completely stuck right now and you need a plan.

A private investigator will only take a day or so to give you the information you need. Other possibilities involve logging/gps his phone or a voice activated recorder hidden in his car.

And keep going with the keylogger. You might be able to get a better sense of what is going on by logging into the programme on the computer itself to see the screenshots.

Thank u again livingswell, BH and all those who've been guiding me. It's about time in a marriage that wud have reached 4 year in May to get expectations, especially that were made clear when tying the knot.
His ego is hurting a bit for sure but I've been letting things go since July of last year. When home I'd go clean or organize around the house and every month atleast one resentment attack no fail.
I'd figure talking online is fine but the same things said as to me. Typing away let me know he got something hes interacting with, especially when im left without a computer. He's stopped responding to me more than six months back. I'd not expected that. In the past 3 years I supported him and my parents were worried too. Now if I won't be his priority over any of talks, his family or anything else, I might as well learn to deal with my sensitive emotions else where. He's a caring person as he does plenty for his mom and brother. Then again, can't let go of things he thinks he can get away with.

It's a pity party for now.

I ended up telling him because he was saying the computer was hanging because of a keylogger. i didnt say i installed it or how i knew what i was saying.
Since this was after 9pm, i tried to stay away from him but he tried to come physically close to me to apologize. Thats how it always been after an conflict. Instead of apologizing immediately he said he knows what I'm capable of in the last 10 years he has known me.
He kept following me from room to room as he has always done to resolve conflicts. I have a resentment for his long hours of watchin tv and he kept it on in the meantime. Then I had to step out the apartment and spend the night at my parents because I noticed his and mine AO. I didn't think that what he did will stop by dicussing at the time by being followed around the apartment. After 3 hours he sent a one line text that he is sorry. Nothing about the arguments since last month and havent heard from him today.
The keylogger is working, he'll stop what he wants to do temporarily but looks like he's been doings things for a while. The GPS and cellphone logger is still the goal.
But the way conflict is resolved also needs to chance. I won't reach out to him but he may say that I'm the one who left. It's hard to keep calm when talking to him. I had already told him I won't reason w him last night.

Let me see if I understand.

He was complaining that the computer wasn't working and so you told him about the keylogger?

Then he followed you around the house trying to apologize?

It turned into a fight with AO and you left to your parents.

What was he apologizing for?

He was apologizing and saying he is sorry today at my parent's place. And knew there was a keylogger on the computer 6 days ago.

He said, "Why did you install a keylogger on the computer?" I said, "I didn't install anything." Then he accused of me asking my father for advice.

His mentioning about my dad was by looking at an email I had sent him. My dad gets worried and is super nice to him when he thinks I'm having a tough time.

He had a slightly confrontation attitude n wanted to talk. He knows how to annoy the person to divert while arguing. Only because of being here, I was able to tell him that his behavior is not justified by anything.

After saying a few things about wt he's been doing all month and how he went online because i was sulking...Then I asked him to leave. His plea that things will be different now makes me sad after what he has been doing.

He wanted to know what the solution is now. I said, it was your decision to do what u wanted, for me it's over. He had big pour of tears twice. I told him he had his fun and now showing emotions. This is so childish. If he had helped w my emotional needs his wud'very been addressed atleast partly.

Im pretty sure other sites like this is how he keeps himself occupied during a week's disagreement. The plan is to stay separate for 3weeks as agreed with my mother. He'll show up here again but I hope to be stepped out then. I read little bit and then start feeling bad. I would've never known about his extent of chatting if it were not for you. The reference links to older related threads I do read all the way.

I'm so sorry Wearld. I understand how much it hurts.

Do you know if he's met any of the women?

Are you going to go into Plan B? We will help guide you.

I guess BH. He will deny that be any of the women. And he'll have my parents convinced that he didn't do anything at all. The bulk of screen shots don't have his name showing.
Life continues. We choose where we can.

Then again he will deny it but RH should be expected by me.

WEarld, I would tell him that this will never work unless he is honest about what he is doing. Honesty is the first step and his denial means you can't have a marriage. Hold him accountable and don't go back with him until he is honest.

Did you listen to the radio show? I believe they read your email on Friday and it is on the rebroadcast all weekend.

Thaks Melodylane
Yeah accoutability is the word I was thinking of most of the morning too. He doesn't want anything from his life fine, his insisted upon independent decision, lead to his own consequences. I'll ask about what he's doing the way u put it. I've had to show him his place every few years.
I slept in today and as he has my parents' home house keys, he came and left couple of time. I'll listen to show again. I have to learn to be assertive about time in life in general.

I know u adviced earlier not to tell him I know but it was pathetic he was trying to control or judge what I speak to my father about while he has his intimate world. And as if maybe he knew I know something. Not necessarily but why wud he continue chatting when saying he knew a logger was installed for the past 4/5 days.

BH, thought about your question if we met w any women. He can't for sure because to have something permanent or on the side eventually his family wud know. I'm 80% sure his family won't just accept someone. And all talks in their network of 5 uncles and aunts of each side of his parents.

I didnt mention I'll be at my parents while they are away. He is aware of this and may think that once they are back I'll be home. Because they will not approve me leaving the apartment. Unless I share about the incident of breaking the computer disk drive.

I'll make a list of things that need to improve, honesty and independent behavior. Am slowly reading the chapters in His needs, her needs.
Havent heard from him all weekend. Tomorrow evening maybe. Tomorrow morning I'll be able to check the logger again.

A question, could this be a mid life crisis beginning for him?

If he is having an affair(I'm pretty sure he's met some of these OW) then he is acting wayward.


Read it here.
What to Do with an Unfaithful Husband #5

I stopped by the apartment at close to midnight and he's watching tv. If I continue on plan A I'll have to go back to stay w him. With plan B he won't get immediate emotional support. I don't think I'll see anything on the logger tomorrow.

Let us know what you find on the keylogger.

Do you have a GPS on his vehicle?

The logger text shows just logging into my 3 email account a number of times and his emails accounts. One liner about taking responsibility for action for hurting wife. how do i apologize.

Last week i had googled on "what is ..." for one the news sites he visits. The same search shows in the log for this weekend. Maybe he has another logger set up. Also a search for the first logger name I was intially trying to set up. Its name was on my credit card statement, but i had changed the password of my bank account.

No GPS yet as im low on funds for now.