I am going to AVOID all men. I'm going to turn the other directions like they are the plague. I will not have any contact with any other males unless they are family related. The only man that I need to have satisfy my emotions needs is my husband...I have already changed my phone number. My husband has access to all of my information. I have called my husband when I am on breaks and lunch during work hours. I do not sit in the break room with other employees as well, I go to my vehicle so I am alone.
Much better, my friend. If you have not yet done so, you should write these, and any others that occur to you, down, and give a copy to your BH. It would even be a good idea, to ONCE A WEEK, give him a signed note confirming that you had "kept faith" with these guidelines.
I know at this point that he can not (satisfy my ENs) due to the situation that I have put us both in.
You might be pleasantly surprised at how quickly and well your elevated attention to his needs (facilitating recovery) will satisfy you needs for affection, and security. Every day that he gives you to get out of the hole is another day to build a stronger union. (And at least you've stopped digging!)
I know that this is going to take time and it's going to be an ongoing process, but I'm willing to go thru this process.
Two things about this: Firstly, your joint progress will not be a straight line. You and he just bought tickets for the infidelity roller-coaster that has made all its passenger nauseous. RIDE IT OUT! You will likely be called names, that are unflattering. With the exception of the use of physical abuse, which is never permissible, you must understand that his rage will alternate with depression, and elation, and acceptance, and then spin all together for another go-round. Look for a major disturbance somewhere around the six-month mark.
And secondly, TWO YEARS is the expected median infidelity recovery period.
I'm not sure if my husband would come to this site or not. He knows that I am on it, but he feels that it isn't going to help our marriage or me for that fact. He said that I needed to change me but he does not think that is ever going to happen. I keep assuring him that it is, and only time will be able to show him the changes that are going to change me from the inside out.
Do not make it a point to invite him. Instead, print out articles and units that make sense to you and your process, and let him see you reading them, and using the contents. An occasional "Dr Harley said.....", or "I read that....." might aid your case as well.
But remember, it's YOU ACTIONS that will decide this battle, friend. He will see the difference in you; it is not necessary he understand the source of the changes, only that you are becoming a more worthy person for having undergone them.
