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Need a good response without lb's.
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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Posts: 633
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I received this email from MIL this AM. Have not responded.
I just wanted to let you know that if you or your Father don't come pick up [dog] by noon today, I am calling the sheriff's office. �I want to ask them if it is legal in Florida for someone to come onto my husband's and my property after dark and leave an animal on my porch without my knowledge or permission. �
I get it that this is something that you imagined you were doing to [WW] but this is not [WW's] property. �It is my husband's and mine. � Don't respond. They are going to call to ASK a question. So what? I agree with not responding. They are trying to get you to respond...so don't!
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Aren't you very busy today?
What are you busy doing? You are too busy to respond
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Aren't you very busy today?
What are you busy doing? You are too busy to respond Indeed. Wait. See what happens.
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How about:
That is your dog and no longer my problem. I am so busy with the fence guys coming, people picking up the old dining room furniture, work, and trying to set up the new dining set. What are you doing?
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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Posts: 195
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OK got it Pepp. Will just wait. Thanks!
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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How about:
That is your dog and no longer my problem. I am so busy with the fence guys coming, people picking up the old dining room furniture, work, and trying to set up the new dining set. What are you doing? You are very busy. Wait 24 hours before you respond. Give HER time to figure this out. In 24 hours you reply: "What did you decide to do with your dog?"
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I almost responded and then said "wait, lets see what pepperband says" LOL. Pep, your the best.
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What about a statement along the lines of it being her dog, not yours and you will gladly take back with open arms if and when she is attached to it?
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Posts: 633
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A clear honest statement when asked may be: Since you have chosen to have an affair and break up our family I no longer want to feed and shelter your dog.
When you choose to leave our home you are choosing to take your dog with you
I am willing to work with you to create a loving healthy marriage where both of our needs are met.
Until you are willing to end your affair I must focus on caring for the children and myself. Or this one from JN. This is perfect along with being busy 
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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gladly take back with open arms if and when she is attached to it? She will scoff at this sentiment.
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I almost responded and then said "wait, lets see what pepperband says" LOL. Pep, your the best. You are the best Pepp! Would give you such a bear hug!! My Mom and Dad too! Thankful for everyone's help and support here!!
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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Posts: 6,025
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Just got text from WW:
To YOU from : [WW]
Date : 03/07/2013 01:30:01 pm
Either you, your mom or your dad needs to go pick up [dog] today. My parents do not want her in their house and are beyond pissed off that you dropped her there. My mom emailed you this morning to let you know this. Either your mom or your dad needs to pack up their daughter's stuff and send her home to her husband and family where she belongs (with her dog). Her husband is beyond pissed off that her parents have enabled her to stay with them and, by inaction, condone her continuing extramarital relationship with OM. Beyond that...I'd say they have an animal control problem with an unlicensed dog. Animal Control xxx-ccc-bark. *don't send this letter/text until you've thought this out and others have commented FIRST
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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gladly take back with open arms if and when she is attached to it? She will scoff at this sentiment. You are right...it is cheesy but I am pretty cheesy sometimes. Doesn't a little cheese go with carrots every once in while...lol
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Rule of thumb:
When speaking to a wayward foggy head-up-butt spouse ... use a few words as possible. Less is more.
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As men, we tend to want to fix everything. It's not your responsibility, stop trying to fix it. Her dog, her parents, her problem. I like the 24 hour followup. You should have a list of no-kill shelters available for HER to take the dog to.
<sarcasm>
I'm struggling with listening instead of trying to fix things all the time. WW keeps telling me that she doesn't want me to fix it all the time, just listen. I think your W wants the same thing here, just for you to listen and validate that its a real problem for her. She doesn't REALLY want you to fix it.
</sarcasm>
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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I would ignore the text about the dog.
I suspect they will do an "operation mut" of their own.
In that case I would surrender the dog to animal control.
Explain that your wife left and you don't want the dog
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Posts: 35,996 |
I am  feeling pretty amused by this entire dog discussion. Anyone with adult children knows all about having someone move out to experience the thrill of 'freedom', while leaving stuff behind to be looked after. The adult children are outraged when the parent does not care for their stuff (crap) tenderly. 
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Posts: 195 |
I would ignore the text about the dog.
I suspect they will do an "operation mut" of their own.
In that case I would surrender the dog to animal control.
Explain that your wife left and you don't want the dog I worry about the return "mut move" operation. I have all the doors locked but I guess she could tie dog to a tree or something. I would like to head this off but not sure how.
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Posts: 35,996 |
I worry about the return "mut move" operation. I have all the doors locked but I guess she could tie dog to a tree or something. I would like to head this off but not sure how. You can't stop them if this is their decision. In fact, this is probably EXACTLY what her parents are demanding she do. They are fighting. Trust me on this. It's all good.
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