|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
Yes a break in plan B and a call to my therapist. Mason, you are not in Plan B. You don't have someone to filter out this garbage (IM) and you two have direct contact. And you are suffering emotionally as a result. Do you not see this?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 355
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 355 |
You are right. It does not matter. I need a settlement that I can live with that is what matters. What I do know is that he has learned nothing and is still spewinng fogbabble to hel him sleep at night.
I hate the words "fell in love" REALLY??? If you are so in love than leave me alone.
Me BW 43 / WH 44
2 DS 7 and 4
D day 8-2010
Asked him to leave 9-10
Exposed 11-10
FR 1-2011
Back with OW / In Plan B 2-11
False Recovery Back in Plan B 7-12
Divorced
Better Life in Progress!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
You are right. It does not matter. I need a settlement that I can live with that is what matters. What I do know is that he has learned nothing and is still spewinng fogbabble to hel him sleep at night.
I hate the words "fell in love" REALLY??? If you are so in love than leave me alone. This type of contact is going to keep sucking emotional energy out of you that you need to get through the divorce and even after. A therapist isn't going to do anything when you are constantly being triggered. The answer is to eliminate the source of the triggering and stress. I hate seeing BS's do this to themselves and I hate seeing them get advice that contact is somehow better for the children. *SIGH*
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
PLAN B A real one. With an IM God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. Plan B = your path to serenity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 355
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 355 |
I know... and I understand. It was a huge trigger and when I firts saw it I thought it was something for my attorney. I jsut needed some help decoding his stupid letter and of course as always to amke himself feel better.
Yes, I have added more pain than needed.
Me BW 43 / WH 44
2 DS 7 and 4
D day 8-2010
Asked him to leave 9-10
Exposed 11-10
FR 1-2011
Back with OW / In Plan B 2-11
False Recovery Back in Plan B 7-12
Divorced
Better Life in Progress!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
Yes, I have added more pain than needed. Are you going to do something about it? Or are you going to be here in xx years from now continuing to complain about your ex and still stuck in this state?
Last edited by SusieQ; 03/29/13 11:13 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
he sent this through my work e-mail. Next one you simple delete it without reading it. Once WH knows how to contact your chosen IM, he has no valid reason to email you at all - unless he wants to rub his affair in your face .... again and again and again and again and .... Until you are so completely gaslighted you start to doubt your own sanity. I sent him one text this week, he is cliaming we were only married for 13 and I corrected him it was 15. Stupid I know. Oh .... you sure taught HIM a lesson .... NOT
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I thought it was something for my attorney. If you had an IM, that person would have alerted you to any important legal follow up for your attorney. Don't be dumb. Get an IM. You really need one. He will continue to abuse you this way if you allow him the freedom to harass you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
A secondary result of not being in Plan B (aside from not protecting your mental health), mason, is that you actually prop up the affair and give your H a "scapegoat" when he is angry at how his life has turned out or like PB said, he is feeling guilty, etc.
Eliminate yourself from the picture completely. It's a no brainer.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,786
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,786 |
You are right. It does not matter. I need a settlement that I can live with that is what matters. What I do know is that he has learned nothing and is still spewinng fogbabble to hel him sleep at night.
I hate the words "fell in love" REALLY??? If you are so in love than leave me alone. Mason....you know the truth....he isn't happy. Because he feels like crap he is looking for some external source to make him feel better. Often beating down the betrayed spouse helps them feel better. Plan B is great....you need to find your strength. As the boys grow he will talk to them on the phone and use them as pawns just like he is using you to manipulate and gaslight. You have to be strong to protect them from this. Plan B will do it....life does get better. You can heal and use your internal locus of control to make a great life. I am living proof. My WxH is your WHs twin...!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 355
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 355 |
No brainer is right!
I am filing under adultery, and on Tuesday at our Early Settlement Proposal meeting, the affaai is all over my Proposal. My attorney did a great job at calling him out on everything. So now it will be submitted as a legal document.
I know all he was doing was trying to validate his affair and make himself feel better. I have not and will not respond.
It is over... I should be the poster child of how not to Plan B.
Me BW 43 / WH 44
2 DS 7 and 4
D day 8-2010
Asked him to leave 9-10
Exposed 11-10
FR 1-2011
Back with OW / In Plan B 2-11
False Recovery Back in Plan B 7-12
Divorced
Better Life in Progress!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I know I have not followed Plan B to the fullest, but I am doing the best I can and I really needed some insight into why after 10 months of limited contact and court on Tuesday he would feel the need to send that crazy letter. mason, "limited contact" is not Plan B. Not even close. As you can see, you CANNOT limit his contact. He can send you anything he wants. And that anything can and will send you into a tailspin. Waywards will continually try to justify and rationalize their cruel behavior. FOR YEARS. If you want to really recover and get into a mentally healthy place, you are going to have to go into Plan B. "Limited contact" is not the solution, AS YOU CAN SEE. You cannot limit him, after all. But you can shut that door entirely.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
he sent this through my work e-mail. Next one you simple delete it without reading it. Set a filter to delete such messages, sight unseen. Also, ask to have your work email changed. Explain that somebody is stalking you. Talk to IT. I have had to set up a number of filters to get rid of email from unwanted parties the last few years, including for awhile my own parents. It works!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
I am filing under adultery, and on Tuesday at our Early Settlement Proposal meeting, the affaai is all over my Proposal. My attorney did a great job at calling him out on everything. So now it will be submitted as a legal document. I did better than my ex in the D (got the house, primary custody, his entire retirement account, a smaller share of debt, etc) and he was very angry afterwards. He told my children's counselor that he is a "people pleaser" and went along with things he shouldn't have. *eye roll* So I am saying: Expect your xWH to be worse than usual in terms of lashing out, through the rest of the D process and even for a period afterwards. In typical wayward fashion, everything bad that happens to him will be YOUR fault. After all, you don't want him to be happy so you are the enemy! Even more incentive to get into an airtight Plan B pronto. Are you listening or should I move on?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 355
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 355 |
I am lisetning and thank you. I feel more sane, waywards will justify everything and you are right I am the enemy, he has to have someone to blame, and beleive me after Tuesday he will be even angrier. I hope I get everything I want/need. That will be some justification for this mess!
Plan B it is and I willspeak to my sister about being my IM...
Me BW 43 / WH 44
2 DS 7 and 4
D day 8-2010
Asked him to leave 9-10
Exposed 11-10
FR 1-2011
Back with OW / In Plan B 2-11
False Recovery Back in Plan B 7-12
Divorced
Better Life in Progress!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
mason, another added bonus of Plan B is that when you are out of the picture entirely, they will start to demonize EACH OTHER instead of you.  As long as you are around, you can be the whipping boy that keeps them distracted from their own relationship problems. So from a strategic standpoint, you help kill their affair FASTER while protecting your mental health by doing this. Staying in touch with a WS often serves to prop up the affair longer.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Plan B it is and I willspeak to my sister about being my IM... Link to "IM Training school" Email that thread to yourself so you can discuss it with your sis. Thank God you are listening.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Staying in touch with a WS often serves to prop up the affair longer. EGG ZAK LEE
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Remember .... you can skip the Plan B "love letter" .... WH and OW will only use that against you.
IM (sis) can establish herself as your communication filter in a NON hostile way.
"I have been asked to function as a message filter for all communication needs between you and Mason. Mason will no longer accept/read/respond to any messages except those that are filtered by me first. You may reach me via (email). In the event of an actual life/limb threat level emergency, I may be contacted at (number). Non-emergecncy calls will not get a response . Thank you."
PS .... all calls from WH go direct to voice mail.
Buy your IM/ sis a pay as you go phone and WH only has that #.
Last edited by Pepperband; 03/29/13 12:11 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
Mason, being in a true Plan B means you also don't need to be in contact with his family if they aren't supporting you or if they are telling you things about WH and his life.
It means getting off FB if necessary etc.
Go dark all the way and start the healing process. I hate seeing that you are in therapy for this.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
638
guests, and
58
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,487
Members71,942
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
