Do your kids know about the affair? Do they know to be on the lookout for RATBOY?

We are on the same page!! While you posted that I just spoke to Emily and got Steve's calendar for next week. He is wide open early Am when that would work best for WW.

As far as snooping... I have stopped the drive by's but have access to email, FB and VM. I did have texts/calls/gps but blew my cover in a fit a rage. Tactical error on my part BUT Steve said that it was causing my LB's to flare up and it was probably a good idea that i am no longer consumed with her whereabouts.

Yes, kids exposed and know OM's name.

Bingo.

You say I am getting your fired up.


I say GOOD. IF you are not fired up about thinking of your W in bed with this POSOM and are not willing to step up to put an end to it then you might want to check your pulse.


Because that is EXACTLY what it going on.


Inaction on your part = GREEN light for this POS to bang your wife = harder task to put your life back togther.

I cannot believe you would not stand up to the POS...just blows my mind.


I'm going to walk away from this trainwreck I am watching.


Good luck.

I'm going to ask you 1 question.


Fast forward 2-3-6 months from now..you have been Plan A'ing like a rock star and she comes back...working..working HARD, putting yourself out there the whole time.

And..you made the decision -today- to not try to break it up.

With me so far?


Okay, you THEN find out they have been sleeping together the entire time while you were being so kind to her. Where do you think that is going to leave YOU?

Let me tell you where. With a HUGE hole in your heart..totally empty LB balance FOR her and massive regret that you didn't do more.


Do you have control over her today? Of course not. BUT you can get in there and try to break them up.


...that is all I have to say. I will leave you alone.

I wanted to share something or just get a rant out...

WW lived a very sheltered life growing up. Not a bad life but her parents never took her anywhere. WW lived 30 mins from center city Philadelphia, less than 2 hours from NYC. WW was only ever on an airplane 1 time before she met me.

Our 3rd date was the FIRST time she had EVER actually walked the streets of Philly or any other city for that matter. Her first time seeing the liberty bell, south street, china town etc. I took her Jamaica after only 2 months of dating. We moved into an apartment after only about 7 mo's of dating. We lived together for 2 1/2 years before being married. Once married we moved into a huge dream home and started a family. I worked and she stayed home to raise the boys. We traveled all over the country. We attended the 2011 Outback bowl here in Tampa and fell in live with the area. I asked her during halftime if she would like to move here. She said yes and I took care of the rest. We moved into our home here in FL 6 mo's and 24 days later. Meanwhile she still enjoyed being a SAHM. Last summer she expressed that she said she thought she would enter the workforce. I did her resume, set up a fake company so that it would look like she had tons of prior work experience, emailed the HR people, set up the interviews. All she had to do was show up and it was all done for her. I was Jon and she was Sue from SAA... I see that now... But Sue seemed like she knew how to take care of her business. Sue seemed to me to have some motivation in life. Knew how the world worked to some degree. My WW just seems scared and lost.

WW went straight from her Dad's home to a Home with me. And I took care of EVERYTHING and in doing so treated her more like a 3rd child than a wife. I really think her actions have more to do with a new sense of freedom than an OM. Like she can finally be on her own. And THAT is the thrill that she is getting/seeking. But reality will slowly set in. She has already cried poor. She has already asked me where she should look for an apartment. Said it was unfair that she could not afford anything in the area.

I am at a HUGE advantage in getting primary custody for my boys right now. I am being patient and hoping to R but my patience is wearing thin.

She lives in a fantasy world, that she will get her own apartment, make her own decisions, and finally be on her own. However; I see her activity on her PC at IL's. She looks at nothing but TMZ, Radar-online, Perez Hilton and posts on FB. G2B hit it right on the head yesterday. She has no idea what she is doing. WW has no plan and is just winging it day by day. She has no motivation because daddy/husband has always took care of everything.

Her FB picture is still a picture of US together with the boys. Her FB background pic is still a beautiful sunset over our lake after a summer shower. That does not seem like moving on to me.

I take FULL responsibility for not meeting her EN's and not SHARING our marriage together. However; I actually am starting to question whether this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just want to get out my popcorn and watch this train wreck unfold sometimes. That feeling comes and goes and I know that is not in my best interest or the boys.

So I will be patient and Plan A when I can. Meanwhile, she can sleep on her blowup bed, be broke, star at the empty walls, and keep the boys sheltered at the IL's, gaslight me, call OM, call Skank Neighbor... Meanwhile, I am going fishing out in the gulf tomorrow and then off to see "Get the Lead Out" in concert later that night. Sunday, going go get decorations and gifts for my son's birthday party next week. The party that I planned and took care of because WW had no interest in and kept telling me that she forgot to call and book.

I will be STILL...

I will be the Lighthouse...

Staying in Plan A...

Then he can bang her all he wants. He is banging some alien and not my wife. My marriage is over. I do not want to ever be in that relationship again.

I want the woman I fell in love with 15 years ago. She is gone... But that does not mean she can't come back...Someday. I am just holding onto a dimly lit lamp in a black whole trying to find a way out.

I understand what you are both thinking and feeling FG. My heart is bleeding for you as I know too well the pain that adultery brings. It is the worst experience of my life. More painful than losing my father to cancer at age 21.

I understand your pessimism of the future. At over a year into R..there are days I feel like you do right now. Some days I am all in..some days..well I have serious doubts we are going to make it. R from an A takes 2-5 years. It is totally common to vacillate back and forth..up and down..

What you are experiencing is 100% normal (as abnormal as it feels to you today).

Please be patient with yourself. You don�t know how this thing is going to play out. Today you don�t want to have anything to do with her..tomorrow you may want her so bad you feel like you are going to explode.

The W you married is still in there. She is just lost right now. My FWW thanks me nearly every day for giving her a 2nd chance at a great life and our M. She has TRULY changed. Our M is getting stronger and stronger.

Now we definitely have our ups and downs in R..yes. But what is crazy is that� notwithstanding the A� our M has never been better! MB gave us all the tools we need to have an amazing M.

There is a chance you can do this too! However, for that to even be a remote possibility you have to take some very decisive steps to give it a CHANCE. You have to TRY to rescue her from HERSELF.

That is why I have been encouraging you to try to stop this A.

You have every right to end the M. No one would blame you 1 bit for doing so..however you can give your M a fighting chance.

I knew for me that I was going to do everything in my power to save the M and at the end of the day, if we didn�t make it�it would be totally on her and I could live my life with a clean conscience and with minimal regret.

Do you want that too?

20Year I am still in Plan A. I am fully committed to a mutually happy and loving marriage for BOTH WW and I in the future.

Please don't take my rant as giving up...

I have called OM, threatened, tried to destroy his job, exposed all his family, even his 13 year old niece who's father (OM's brother) threatened my life if I contacted his daughter again (can't blame him). If I confront him that will only lead to bad things. Don't you know I live in Florida??? EVERYONE carries a gun here.

I appreciate your help. I want to again point to the VM intercepted from just TWO days ago from OM stating HE HAD NOT TALKED TO HER FOR A FEW DAYS and wanted to see how she was doing...

Now, WW just texted me. D5 school called WW this AM AGAIN called WW because he had diarrhea AGAIN. She picked him up from school and WW now has the stomach bug too. i called to see how he was and she was acting strange. She would almost not let me off the phone. Wanted to know my plans for the weekend. Hmmm...

Not only are you the LIGHTHOUSE, you are the gardener.
You prepare the soil.
You put up a protective fence to keep varmints away.
You plant the seeds.
You water the garden.
You take care of the weeds.
You fertilize.
You patiently wait for the delicate shoots to appear.

You do not YELL at the seeds to "Hurry up, I'm hungry for some pole beans."

Which reminds me .... Gardening with the boys .... You can teach life lessons while gardening.

Now this ~~~> Thank you for sharing the portrait of your wife prior to her A. Tell your Mom I say "Hiya".

Yo! Like your wife, I grew up about 30 mins from center city, Philadelphia. Have you considered adding Tastykakes to your Plan A? She may be going through withdrawal since you moved down to Florida...

Hey Jess, we actually have Tastykakes here since last summer. AND, we now have WAWA! The first one opened about 10 minutes from our house. Now, we just need a cheese steak place and all we are set. I would kill for a decent cheese steak...

Go Red Wings.

Shame there's nothing like Pat's or Geno's cheesesteaks down there. At least you can kick back with a Wawa hoagie when you're watching those God-awful Florida football teams. E A G L E S, Eagles!

Had a great day fishing today. Weather was awesome. Caught enough grouper to eat for the next couple days. WW texted me a few times while out on the boat. Letting me know that she was feeling better an pics of the kids at the park. For once she initiated the texts. Maybe she is trying to be nice to let me down easy tomorrow.

I plan to ask WW tomorrow if she has decided to speak to Steve next week. I need help coming up with a script for how to:

1)Ask if she has considered speaking to Steve.

2)Response to a NO.

3)Response to a YES.

4)Response to a have not decided yet.

If I had to guess, I think she will say that it is not a good idea, that she does not want to lead me on/hurt me. It is over and she is moving forward.

Thanks all.

NO EXPECTATIONS!!

Possible response to 1-4 .....

Also...

use the presumptive close.

Don't ask her if she's decided whether or not she wants to talk to Steve....just start talking appointment times for Steve to call her assuming she already agreed to it.

She said she didn't want to hurt you...exploit her guilt.

If she's going to say "no" make her work for it. She's not used to standing up for herself. Challenge her.

Then, IF she does stand up for herself and say "no"...then compliment her. Take notice of her making an independent decision and commend her for it. Your wife is having a "I'm breaking free from my controlling husband who makes all my decisions I want to be my own person" type of affair...she won't expect you to notice nor think it's a good thing. Act as though you have renewed interest in who this woman in front of you REALLY is deep down and try to engage her in a conversation about, well, her and what's going on inside her head

1. everyone's favorite subject is themselves
2. You meet needs for meaningful conversation

IGNORE THE FOG TALK...try to just listen and ask questions getting her to voluntarily reveal more. The more she shares (no matter how foggy) the better off you are.

Remember to end it well. Don't chase or beg for MORE than she's ready to handle. Walk away or leave her wanting to more of this new FloridaGuy...such that she'll see and talk to you more next time.

Mr. W

You are the master MrW!!

WW drove the kids and MIL today an HOUR to Sarasota to a flamingo zoo. I was blown away. Who is this woman!? I LIKE IT!

I was already planning to engage how I have noticed her positive changes these last few weeks. How she has become such a strong and inspiring (she has repeated STRONG many times in her fb posts and texts to friends) woman and I am happy for her. I really like these positive changes... (expect having an affair but will lets not bring that up)

Maybe she will reciprocate and mention my positive changes.
BIG maybe.

Then leave her wanting more...

My Uncle is school age friends with the drummer of the greatest tribute band in the word. Get the Led Out. http://www.gtlorocks.com/ Heading out for a crazy good time with back stage passes.

And the most thing that I am looking forward too. Tomorrow, I will be going to church for the first time since my youngest son's baptism over 5 years ago...

Alright!
Church is a great part of our lives and I'm sure it will benefit you as well!