First off, I would stop nagging her because that just makes you unattractive. When you do talk to her, be as attractive as possible. And I would strongly recommend you do take her phone calls.

In the meantime, I would rachet up the workplace exposure another notch. Take it to the director of Human Resources and be sure and include your phone bills showing that rat on the phone with your wife at all hours. Send him the template letter on my exposure thread. [change it up to fit your situation]

And you might also want to read this article about living together before marriage. That will help you understand the dynamic you created when you lived together: Living Together Before Marriage: Compatibility Test or Curse?

Does the OM have a facebook page? And do you know how to contact his parents?

Thanks very well put, so do you suggest i go talk to the store manager at the dept store she works part time at and let him know what's going on with a manager from another store? And i will then go and talk to her boss at her full time job and let her know shes constantly texting another guy all day when shes in her office at work.

What did the counselor DO to try to persuade her to stay in the marriage? Everyone who has an affair has "checked out." What was the plan to get her "checked in?"

I would do more than speak to him. I would send an email to the Director of Human Resources, her store manager and a key VP, ccing them all on it. THEN go speak to her part-time job boss and see what he says about this.

Yes he has a FB page and he's on my friends list. My wife does not, she deleted it a couple weeks ago saying she is never on it, she never posted alot but she got on it alot. She deleted it after i posted a Valentine's day card she got me on her page saying thanks, and a post about enjoying a night we went out and spent going out to play pool and darts...apparently she didnt want others too see we spend time together so she deleted her account

Deliver the death blow, all at once. Everyone knows at once and everyone also knows the others know. That way, there is no spinning the story, no getting stories together and no sweeping under the rug.

If you do it half way and not at once, they paint you as a fool and everyone thinks you are a pest.


Deathblow, swift, hard and all encompassing.

This is an emotional affair. And it may be physical soon.
I said everything I suggested to you, to my wife during her affair.
You can't communicate with a wayward. Or a drunk. You would be more productive banging your head on the wall.

It's better to have NO conversation about marriage problems than a fight about it. If she starts yelling at you simply say "I choose not to participate in this conversation when you are being disrespectful to me " and walk away. That's a personal boundary not to be verbally abused.

Also I would move your sons stuff in too.
In the event she does file for divorce it would probably help you strategically. He can keep staying at your parents though.

Did she delete her account or BLOCK you and set her privacy to high?

My wife started her affair on Facebook.
She may be using it to send private messages to other men

After you move in you need to expose this affair nuclear style, all at once.
There are workplace exposure letters on the Ecposure 101 thread that you can use for the workplace. As previously suggested you should send to corporate. Ideally a Vice President. Many corporate VPs read their emails whereas most CEOs and presidents don't. You can find the vice presidents through google and the corporate website. Manta is a good site too.

The same day you send an exposure letter to family and friends.

Most affairs die 6 within 6 months of exposure.

I know you are struggling with the definition of an affair because your wife just talks and texts the guy.
But it is an Affair. It is an emotional affair and it will become physical given time. In marriage we aren't supposed to have opposite sex friendships if they threaten the marriage. As a renter (live together before marriage) you may have had a philosophy and it was okay.
But marriages like that don't last. When you became married you both vowed to "forsake all others" and even if you didn't take vows, the institution of marriage is based on that principle.

So expose ASAP and help kill this affair so you can start building a wonderful romantic marriage

My wife was in (as far as I ever determined, and I looked hard for a long time) an emotional affair only. I spent a long time trying to stop it, not knowing about marriage builders. This guy had a lot to lose and I worked him hard. He was pastor of our church. In 9 months of me trying to stop it without anyone finding out, it only got deeper, an already shaky marriage of 20+ years faltered past the point of any hope. Once I exposed, the affair stopped, with one brief flareup, almost immediately and was crushed within a few weeks. But the damage had been done.

The longer you wait, the deeper the affair will get and the greater the resentment towards you will grow. Count on it.

It absolutely will not go away on its own before the damage is done.

Jedi is correct though. I looked at it differently because I do not think sex had occurred. The word affair never really entered my mind. But I have come to believe that they are more dangerous. They are idealized, there is no bad only good.

"It's special, it's not like that. It is pure." Retch.

But don't be afraid of what she may do if you expose. Anything that happens was going to happen anyway, believe that.

I think this is important. What do you want? Don't go in with your eyes closed, with your head in the sand. It may get worse before it gets better. But if you do nothing, it will get worse. Period.

She deleted her FB account, she doesn't know I knew her password to her FB account, not doesn't know I know her yahoo account password, which I obtained both from digging thru files cuz she's a file freak!!! Anyway, on her yahoo account a message was sent saying bla bla about her deleting her FB account.
So the next step is to tomorrow, move my sons items back in, as well as get a letter typed up and drop it off to both of her jobs explaining the situation. The thing with the then beings he's still friends with me on FB, I am going to send out a massive e-mail to everyone on his frinds list stating he's having an emotinoal affair with my wife, and won't stop texting her at all hours of the day and night even after I asked kindly to stop. As well as finding out the District Managers e-mail and possible the Vice President of the dept store and send him the copy as well. This site is amazingly helpful, I know you guys can't guarantee miracles, but you do a wonderful job at trying! :-)

You need to do this officially at workplace. Email with cc's, or registered letters. You need to be less nonchalant, get serious. Everyone involved will try to brush this aside, it is a headache. Maybe this guy is a good worker and they don't want to lose him. Maybe they don't want to be bothered. Maybe they think in their mind, "Go for it dude." Whatever reason, they will likely ignore it unless than can't. Go to the top at the beginning.

You need to make it so you can't be ignored. No "dropping off" some letter that they can throw away and say they never got.

Take the bull by the horns, or whatever anatomy you can get to squeeze may be better. You have to do it, no one is gonna do it for you. They all just want you to go away, get it.

Quit taking whatever **** she/he/they want to shovel you.

Don't send any emails, letters or FB messages until you run them by the vets here. I've seen a lot of people save themselves a lot of headaches by getting feedback first.

There you go. Copy and paste his contact list into a word doc and expose to them all via private message. Did you read the exposure thread in my signature??

Please go read the exposure thread now. And use the template exposure letters. Don't call it an "emotional" affair. An affair is an affair. I am confused why you believe it is not sexual though.

So yesterday I went to talk to an attorney, she wanted a $1500 retainer, I just paid for the hour long session of $175. I asked her about the papers my wife had drawn up waiting for me to pick up at her attorney's office. My attorney said it's ok to go over there and pick them up, just don't sign anything. So I went over there, picked them up, her attorney insisted I sign a paper saying that I had picked up the papers, I said no I'm not signing anything, I want my attorney to look these over before I sign anything, he said well It's just saying that you have papers given to you, I said again I'm not signing anything, he said well then you'll be served by Wednesday, I said that's ok, cuz that will be her paying for it anyway's, then I left. Upon reading the papers everything looks legit, I'm still going to have an attorney look at everything, althought they did throw in that I would pay 1/2 the court costs, which she said she would pay for the whole thing prior to me picking up the papers. When she found out I didn't sign the papers, she flipped out saying are you playing games, is this how you wanna play making me pay even more because you have to get served, I nicely said, I just want to make sure there isn't anything hidden in the paper work, you would understand that, she said well I already told you everything I was going to put in it, and it's pretty cut and dry, those papers aren't saying who get's what, it's just saying you got the papers, I immediately said sooo what are you guy having for supper tonight, she said don't F-in change the subject and hung up. About 10 minutes later she tried calling me 4 times and texting me a few texts saying please call, I'm sorry for blowing up on you, I still refused to answer when she tried calling 2 more times about 10 minutes after that, she then sent a text saying if you don't respond by 8pm (it was 5:30ish) then I'm just going to consider that your done ever wanting to talk to me again. I waited another 5 minutes then sent a text simply saying Chill out, I was in the shower, you go out with your sister and by yourself to the bars by yourself and turn you phone off for hours, this was 15 minutes, now you know how I feel when can't get ahold of you.
---So here's my question's with these papers, I am going to have an attorney look them over, but beings this divorce is something I don't want, how long can I pretty much sit on them with out taking any action to hurt anything, or even if I do get served by the Sheriffs Dept at work, isn't there a window I have before I need to actually take any action?

I think it depends on the State. You were right to refuse to sign anything. While I understand COMPLETELY wanting to respond to her messages like you did, I would avoid doing so in the future. While your logic and reasoning is sound, she is currently incapable of understanding it. I would just keep reminding her that you don't want this divorce, and that if it's what she wants, than she is going to have to pay for it.

Stay strong, brother.