I try not to pass judgement or decide something isn't for me until I at least try it. I say it's laughable but that doesn't mean it can't work if we try. I'll keep reading and slowly leak this information out to him. He's usually at least open to trying stuff if I'm not pissed.

This questionnaire is designed to help you determine your most important emotional needs and evaluate your spouse�s effectiveness in meeting those needs. Answer all the questions as candidly as possible. Do not try to mini- mize any needs that you feel have been unmet. If your answers require more space, use and attach a separate sheet of paper.
Your spouse should complete a separate Emotional Needs Questionnaire so that you can discover his or her needs and evaluate your effectiveness in meeting those needs.
When you have completed this questionnaire, go through it a second time to be certain your answers accurately reflect your feelings. Do not erase your original answers, but cross them out lightly so that your spouse can see the corrections and discuss them with you.
The final page of this questionnaire asks you to identify and rank five of the ten needs in order of their importance to you. The most important emotional needs are those that give you the most pleasure when met and frustrate you the most when unmet. Resist the temptation to identify as most important only those needs that your spouse is not presently meet- ing. Include all your emotional needs in your consideration of those that are most important.
You have the permission of the publisher to photocopy the questionnaire for use in your own marriage.

So in the case of Independent Behavior when does it go from taking your spouses opinions and feelings into consideration and them just being controlling?

Independent Behavior

Once you are married, almost everything you decide to do has either a positive or a negative impact on each other -- you are either depositing or withdrawing love units with every decision you make. So if your decisions are not made with each other's interests in mind, you will risk destroying the love you have for each other.

I define Independent Behavior as the conduct of one spouse that ignores the feelings and interest of the other spouse. It's usually scheduled and requires some thought to execute, so the simplest way to overcome this Love Buster is to take it off your schedule. If your Thursday night bowling, or visit to a friend of the opposite sex, or spending five hours chatting on the internet while your spouse sits alone watching TV, schedule something else Thursday night, visit someone else, and spend time doing something with your spouse. And whatever it is you decide to do that replaces independent behavior, be sure that both you and your spouse enthusiastically agree to it.

My ninth Basic Concept, the Policy of Joint Agreement, (never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse), helps eliminate independent behavior -- any event or activity that is not mutually agreed to cannot take place. It forces you to take your spouse's interests and feelings into account when you forget that your spouse is an extremely important part of yourself, and should be considered in every decision you make.

Independent behavior is a problem in most marriages because we are all tempted to do whatever makes us happy, even when it makes our spouse unhappy (the Taker's rule). We don't feel the pain our spouse feels when we are inconsiderate -- all we feel is the pleasure gained from activities that are only in our best interest. That's why the Policy of Joint Agreement is so important in marriage. It forces us to behave as if we feel each other's pain -- it makes us behave as if we were empathetic.

A wise alternative to Independent Behavior is Interdependent Behavior, which limits your your events or activities to those that benefit both of you simultaneously. You are both happy and neither of your suffers when you behavior interdependently, making decisions with each other's interests and feelings in mind. When you get to my tenth Basic Concept, Four Guidelines for Successful Negotiation, I'll show you how to replace Independent Behavior with Interdependent Behavior.

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EEK- I may sound horrible but I feel like I truely love him when we are getting along but when we fight I wish I had never met him and that if I had a way to leave I would in an instant. I explain it like when we get along I make plans in my head with him and when we don't I start excluding him from those plans. I think he loves me. But sometimes I feel like he's just with me because he's comfortable with the situation. If I left I don't think it would be long before he replaced me. I'm pretty sure that he loves me though.