Isn't it odd that the thieves did this on the one night during your separation that he was out with his friend, and actually was out in the town?

Since the bank says that your H's card was used, how did the thieves get the number that you need to tap in (the PIN here in the UK) to make a transaction? A stolen card is no use in machines or shops without that number. you can make online purchases with a stolen card, but not machine or shop purchases. How did they accomplish this?

Make him take a polygraph about this.

I had our bank investigate it twice. Both times they came back and said my claim was denied.
Unfortunately, it was our debit card. If it had been our credit cards, the money would have been replaced.

A couple of the transactions in question were non bank atm machines. The ones like you would see in a bar that charge fees to use.

The money taken out of the account was over $230 not including bank fees.

Again I should add that there is absolutely no proof or questionable situations prior to and since the incident.

I'm not sure how it works here but I didn't think to go to the police. I suppose I still could. Hmmmmm?

I do all the finances and have since we were married. So h knows I know what goes on in our accounts.

Carka,

If your debit card is a Visa card those disputes are handled just like CC Visa disputes.

I do billing transactions from a company side for a living. I know more about CC transactions I'd care to! LOL

Steph

None of the underlined points have anything to do with what I asked you:

Wouldn't the user of this card have needed to know a number to key in?

The card cannot be used in machines - non-bank atm or not - without tapping in the ID number.

A thief would not have known that number.

I'm sorry but there is something very seriously wrong here, and it is not a "LOL" matter. And the issue is nothing to do with the difference between debit card and credit card fraud.

Carka, your H used his card downtown on a night out when he was separated from you and is lying to you about having done that. He is prepared to let you go to the bank and the police and initiate two separate investigations, when you are already suffering PTSD from his affair and your mental health is not good to say the least. He is willing to gaslight and lie to you and risk another nervous breakdown because he was out doing something he should not have been and would rather lie and let you suffer, than own up.

This is horrifying news.

My point Sugarcane is that most people still believe you can't dispute a debit card transaction. The bank doesn't investigate transactions and disputes, if you open a true VISA dispute then the same investigations that go into a credit card fraud go into a debit card fraud. I can talk all day about disputes, fraud, Credit Cards, Debit Cards, and differences between the two. I love my job, but I can get lost in the technical side of an issue.

The fact that two disputes have been upheld by the bank says that these transactions were initiated by Carka's WH.

I wasn't LOLing her situation, I'm sorry if you took it that way.

Yes, I know this. Which is why I'm struggling with it.

I know there had been a rash of incidents where the thieves scan the unknowing victims info and in turn make fake cards. But that does not explain how our pin number was used. Like I said, this was a debit card for our checking account.
I spoke with my h tonight and he said he can file a police report if I need it.
I don't know how to feel.

I only went through my bank. I guess I could try and go through visa.

I told him tonight that I would like to bypass all this and just have him tell me what really happened.
He didn't get angry or weird and just stuck with what he had been telling me.

I would love to just let it go and believe him. He has done all that I've asked since d day. He's changed so much and for the better. He's been there for me thick and thin. Especially with all the health issues I've had.

To give him the benefit of the doubt....the info could have been stolen prior to his night out and out of pure coincidence been used on the same evening.

Yes, I know I'm stretching there.

This happened back in sept. 2012 and I thought I'd let it go....but it doesn't sit right with me.

Could be because I don't have the fight in me right now.

In my initial post about the bank issue I said it happened back in oct. It was actually sept.

I went back to edit that and there was no option to do it.

just wanted to clarify.

Why don't you have him take a polygraph?

We do not have the money for that right now.
He did say he would file a police report if it would help.

Quoted from this *linked* thread

Also please read this.
Please Explain Gaslighting

I'm familiar with gaslighting. He doesn't appear to be doing that. He's actually being very cooperative thus far.

I will be talking to his mom. She will know around what time he came home that night, as she was keeping a close eye on him while he was staying there.
I talked with him more about it today.
But from this point, I'm going to try not to bring it up to him for a little while.
I've been LB'ing him enough as it is because of how bad I feel lately.
He could very well be telling the truth. Like I said before, there's been a ton of that going on in the area. It happened to my MIL's checking and the thief took quite a bit from her. This was a while back though.
And it also happened to someone else I know.

People were also going around stealing mail out of mail boxes and whatnot.
Economically, our previous area was hit pretty hard the last several years.

Did they use your MIL's and the other person's PIN?

Did they need a PIN to get the mail out of mailboxes?

If not, they are not the same things at all.

If you don't want an explanation of the PIN use then that's your choice to make. I know, however, that your H is not telling you the truth about this.

Obviously they don't need a pin to take mail out of a mail box.
I'm not a complete idiot.
I was using it as an example as to how bad that kind of thing is around that area.

As far as my MIL....All I know is that money was taken directly out of her bank account. I'll ask her when I speak with her.

And how has anything that I've said made it seem as though I don't want an explanation as to how the pin was used?

I find this odd. Three of the transactions were made at one place and done back to back. They were also smaller increments.
The forth and final withdrawal was larger and done not too far from that spot. After that they were not able to take anymore because it was overdrawn.
I googled the addresses.
I really want to take this up with the bank again.

The three done back to back were from a gas station and the forth was an atm machine in a bar.

The reason the bank gave me for denying the claim is that our pin was used with no issue.
They said usually a thief will have to punch in the pin several times to get it right.

All of this is what made me think you don't want an explanation. Why wouldn't you bring it up to him for a little while? You are not being told the truth about this but you seem to consider it lovebusting to pursue the truth from him.

I also thought you were backing away from an explanation because of the other people's stories you brought in here. I can't see how they are relevant to the fact that your H's card was used with your H's pin when he was on a night out while separated from you. You seem to me to be using these stories to say it could have been thieves - to let your H off the hook.

Carka, I've no personal interest in this story if you are not interested in pursuing it for any reason. It's just that you brought it up and asked for advice, and reading here, I could see that a basic fact was being glossed over; the issue of the PIN. You asked for advice, so I was pointing out that responsibility for those withdrawals points directly at your H for reasons to do with the PIN.

If you don't want to bring it up with him for now, that's fine with me. If you think thieves used the card and somehow accessed the PIN, that's fine too. I didn't go after you, though. You brought this problem to this board for neutral readers to consider, and I have pointed out what I think is absolutely critical, and also blindingly obvious.