I'm just at the beginning stages of my divorce. I still hope and pray everyday that my wife will change her mind. The lawyers are involved and it already sounds like it's going to be ugly.
My biggest problem is I sit here alone, thinking, hoping, praying. I work a swing shift so it's hard to have friends. I tried joining a support group at church but the registration was already closed. I have no family close by and don't get to see my kids nearly enough.
I have friends at work, but they all just want to fix me up with someone. I'm not even close to being ready for that. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard if I didn't still love my wife so much. I miss her, and I miss my kids. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm not sure but my wife seems to be doing just fine with all of this. I wish I wouldn't have made this so easy for her.

I'm so sorry for your pain.

Are you still on ADs? What are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you exercising?

On your other thread in SAA, you mentioned you thought your wife may be talking/seeing someone else. Did anything come of this?

Are you still working with a counselor? Are you still building your relationship with your kids?

No, I got off of the ADs awhile ago. I hated the way they made me feel. I'm not really exercising, I go to work and I sit here. I did go to visit family this past weekend.
Yes I'm still working with a counselor. Getting ready to go see her right now actually. I'm working hard on my relationship with my kids. I'm just tired of having to text them goodnight.

I'm still not sure if she's seeing someone or not. It wouldn't surprise me at this point. She doesn't even want to talk to me. Most of our communication is through email.

I wish my love and desire for our marriage was enough to make it work. I wish my family wasn't going through all of this. I wish I wouldn't have been so blind to what I had and what I was doing to my family.

I am sorry for your pain. Many people on here did not want divorce, I am one of them. But I am learning to accept what is not meant to be. Listen to your attny, you have one chance to do this right. There is nothing easy about divorce especially for the ones that did not want it.
Please take care of yourself. Depend in your family for support.

Sir. You already have advice.
Dr Harley gave you a plan. I encourage you to focus on the Plan.
Avoid Love Busters and try to make love bank deposits.
He told you that you could probably win her back eventually but it may be after divorce.

When McArthur left the Phillipines he said he would return and he did.
Look to the long term. And stick with the plan.

Thank you all, Jedi I am trying to stay focused on the plan. I'm trying to be patient although thats not one of my strong points. It's very hard to see any kind of hope in our future at this point. I still pray everyday. Maybe when the weather gets a little warmer I can find some other things to keep me occupied.

Belonging to a gym is good for the health too

What are your strong points?

I always thought one of my strong points was that I was a take charge kind of person. It turns out it was also one of my biggest downfalls.

"Take charge" always has a downside.
"Patience" has a downside as well.

Let me challenge you a little about this.
Can you imagine how a patient man might take charge?

Believe me, there are times when a (shouting) 'TAKE CHARGE" attitude saves lives. Especially in a crisis. The house is on fire? TAKE CHARGE and get everyone out, and douse the flames.

When the same (shouting) TAKE CHARGE approach is employed in a non-crisis situation ... what might happen?

You create the crisis

Be self aware so that that you do not take charge of what rightfully belongs on the other person's side of the fence. Don't disallow others to learn from (non crisis) experience.

Another disadvantage of having the reputation for being a "take charge" guy .... People will dump problems on you.

Ah. I love this.
The great discrepancy.
We all do this.
Prayer IS hope.
Your future is going to happen.
You wish to "take charge" of the outcome.
God sees "other plans" for us.

I see a great deal of goodness/hope in you and your situation.
Your are experiencing a crucible. You will emerge changed.
Hope and trust in that.

Here's a radio clip about working on a marriage while separated.

Tell us what you think.
Radio Clip

The only problem is that I'm willing to do anything and everything to make our marriage work and she doesn't want to do anything. I can't even get her to sit down in the same room as me or talk on the phone at this point. All of our communication is through e mail. I wish she would talk to me as if we could save our marriage, then we could discuss the things to change and do different so this doesn't happen again.

I replied on your thread in SAA forum.

OK, I could use some advice. I'm putting it on this thread because I don't believe my wife reads this thread.

I'm trying to get shared parenting. I know my wife is upset about this, and I understand why. She's been talking to and coaching all 3 of our kids. Pointing out every little thing I've ever done to upset them. Don't get me wrong, I've made a lot of mistakes with my kids too. I've worked very hard to correct them and am trying hard to have a great relationship with my kids. I just feel she's being extremely unfair using the kids like this. I know the day my wife got her papers from my attorney she was very upset. She was texting our 16 yr old while she was in school dumping the whole divorce mess on her. Then our 16 yr old proceeded to text me and rip me a new a$$. I stopped at her track practice that day and talked to my daughter. I tried to explain to her that this was between her mother and me, and that we were both going to have times when we were going to be upset.

I didn't get a chance to talk to my youngest but I talked to the other two tonight. I urged them that if there were any issues between us that I wanted them to talk to me about it. As long as they were willing to talk to me calmly and with respect. They brought up a couple of things and we discussed them, I told them both that I wanted them to think very hard and even write stuff down so that we could talk about them on Tuesday while they were here with me.

My first instinct is to call my wife and discuss it with her. I really don't see any good coming of that. I'm open to any advice. I never thought in a million years my wife would do this.

Well your wrong, I read this post too. And you wanted me to join forums and I told you my opinion. Never commented before, now its different. Just like when you were here, you don't know what goes on now that you are not. The problems that you are having with your children are yours, and I AM NOT COACHING them unless telling them that they need to communicate respectfully with their father is coaching and letting them know they need to communicate with you. I am tired of you blaming and making excuses and now telling everyone that I am coaching the kids. Maybe you need to listen to your children when you seem to be the common denominator. But I have made more excuses and told our children more lies for your benefit and for you to say that really just shows me everything. Just so we are clear. I am done worrying about if they are communicating with you and constantly asking them or reminding them if they are busy. And as far as getting the 16 year old upset when I was, you weren't going for shared custody, you were going for sole custody for 3 children that I have put in front of myself for 16 years. Even when I looked at you begging and pleading that we all just wanted you to act like you didn't hate us. I will just put one question out there for you to DISCUSS in your threads or forums......Can you say the same. Half truths, she wasn't upset about the shared custody. I am not and never have coached our children through this EVER. If I was it was to communicated, be honest and be respectful. So I guess I will stop "coaching" them on that part of it too. This will be the one and only comment that I make on this website. Don't look for advise in a cyber world of half truths. My advise for you, listen more, stop thinking of yourself so much and don't put lies on a website for people to give you improper advice to. And just like I found out about the other things that you did on the computer, don't ever think that I won't eventually find out about you telling complete strangers lies like I am coaching 3 children that love you but are struggling to communicate with you right now and that it all it boils down to. Try to have a little patience with them. You may just find out that "I" was not the common denominator after all....it may just be you.

Not exactly 'mother of the year' behavior.

Welcome to MB.

I've asked you numerous times to join this site to dispel what you call half truths and to see if the people on here could help you with what you're going through. I'm sorry if you got upset by reading my post, the words and phrases the kids are using are yours. If your not coaching, then they are overhearing you talking to someone else. I have had patience with our children. I have been communicating with them and continue to do so. I understand things don't get fixed overnight.

I'm not going to use this forum to bicker and argue with you. I'm glad you finally posted something and I hope you'll continue. Maybe you could talk about the half truths as you call them.