Yes, she is younger. She was 29 and my H was 40 when this happened. Both she and her H don't make much money.

I have 43 texts from her that she sent me. I also have e-mails she sent me after my H dumped her. She wanted me to see how in love my H was with her.

Are you and WH financially well off? Comfortable? Average? Below average?

CR, in order to save a marriage, one has to fight the affair. The affair is fought, not by nagging the WS, but by taking measures such as exposure and blocking all access to the affair partner. In your case, I would be in constant contact with the OWH and have a GPS on your H's car. It is obvious that contact has continued and he is able to contact her freely from work. That all has to change.

And I will ask again what is being done about your son's situation?

Have you shared these with her husband and others?

My son that plays baseball is not aware of the affair, however, my 13 yr old son is. He figured it out. Both my H and I have spoken to him about it. My younger son is playing baseball this year and my H is an asst coach for his team. The OW's son is not playing baseball this year. I'm guessing her H wouldn't allow it.

I would say above average.

I would speak to both your boys and give them the facts about the affair. They need to know what their father has done so they can keep an eye on him.

If your husband exploits the mothers of his players do you really think that is a healthy thing for him to engage in? He has proven he can't be trusted with that position.

In order to recover, the environment that led to the affair has to be changed. In your case, your H exploits opportunities with his player's mothers. Do you think the other husbands would want your husband to coach their sons knowing this? You know this is a weakness for your husband.

Not really. Some of my friends at work have seen the texts and e-mails.

This may mean OW would like to trade spouses with you and she may be hanging on for her dear sugar-daddy's life!!!

Don't contact her at all.
She should have ZERO reason to contact either of you.

Here is what Harley says about changing the conditions that led to the affair:

here

In your husband's case, the condition that led to the affair was coaching baseball. He used his position to exploit opportunities with a player's mother.

Bingo!

ok, but that doesn't help your marriage one bit. Showing your friends has absolutely no effect. Showing her husband and your husbands parents WILL.

Agreed and we went over this in marriage counseling. I was less than thrilled that he wanted to coach again this year. He told me that if I did not allow him to coach then he would resent me for it. He said baseball had nothing to do with the affair.

I think saying he "exploited" the OW is harsh. There has to be two willing parties to have an affair. She wasn't forced into it.

The bigger risk here is YOUR resentment. He has shown he can't be trusted coaching baseball and should stop. The risk of him having an affair is too great for you. This is not even negotiable, my friend.


Of course. What I mean is he is using his position to pick up chicks. He is exploiting his position. And if others knew what he was doing, I seriously doubt they would want him coaching their sons.

Do you think the other fathers want to let the fox in the henhouse if they knew what he has done? I doubt it.

Your husband is not serious about your marriage, that much I can tell. A person who is serious ends contact and stays away from places he knows cause him to be tempted.

I have no way of contacting her husband other then e-mail. I've already tried that and got no response.

Do you have his address?

Yes, I do. They live half a mile down the street from us. Our kids go to the same elementary school.

Crenee, you have a right to establish boundaries that protect you from his affair. It is up to you to set your boundaries and say "this line won't be crosssed." You have been dealt a trauma that is grievous as rape, assault or the death of the child. If your husband will not protect you, it is up to you to make sure you are protected.

When he won't agree to respect your boundaries and take basic steps to protect you from this affair, then the solution is to separate.

But before you do that, you MUST set iron clad conditions. You have not done that. When he said he didn't want to quit coaching, the answer should have been: "that is one of my conditions."

Extraordinary precautions are not negotiable.

That is where I would start, in addition to exposing his affair wide and far and putting an end to it. If he can contact her from work, that hole has to be closed somehow.

Oh my goodness ....