So ... Why not change that? Why not do something to make yourself feel better? One of the best things you can do is be a better person and also work to have a better relationship with your W. Stop all the negative crap and start doing something positive.


I am working on that...we started working on the agreement....really good for me to start thinking positive....i see the light...

how you all make them quote boxes....

Hit the quote button at the bottom of each post.

we read about radical honesty last night....I am looking forward to reading more tonight...

Do you have the book "Love Busters"?

What about "Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders"?

Read this.
Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders

What are your DW's top EN?

What Love busters are you guilty of?

Here until you get the book.
Love Busters

What about "Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders"?


What are your DW's top EN?

What Love busters are you guilty of? [/quote]

we just discussed this.... she needs calm conversation in a admirable and affectionate way....1.2.3....4 financial support..5 sex....6 honesty...7physical attraction...8 recreational...9family...10 domestic.....


I am very guilty of angy o.b. and disrespectful judgements...


thank you for asking me these questions...i am understanding a lot about myself...

What about "Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders"?


What are your DW's top EN?

What Love busters are you guilty of? [/quote]

we just discussed this.... she needs calm conversation in a admirable and affectionate way....1.2.3....4 financial support..5 sex....6 honesty...7physical attraction...8 recreational...9family...10 domestic.....


I am very guilty of angy o.b. and disrespectful judgements...


thank you for asking me these questions...i am understanding a lot about myself...

Do you two have the book Love Busters?

You love to listen to music do ever listen to MB radio?

What are you doing to stop your AOs and DJs?

Listen to this and tell us what you think.
Anger Management 101

We bought the book Love Busters on Ebay. Be here in a few days

I have never listened to MB radio. I plan to.


my thought of stopping my AOs is to use Dr. Harleys basic concepts.

Did you listen to the clips that are on the anger management thread I posted to you?

Dr. Harley gives some very good advice.

yes..i am listening to it over and over...I agree....

[If you use the REPLY button you can hit the '' button from the button options at the top of the edit box. Doing that will insert the quote tags you need. Then you can simply copy/paste or type what you want quoted between those two tags. This tag concept is used throughout. So if you want to bold something use {b}type your text{/b}. You'll see what to use for various things by using the buttons available in the Reply window.]


ok...here is a quote...testing....


I dont see the pretty boxes ...originally posted by

We have set some goals for the day. We are communicating better.

We are asking each other if its o.k. to change our needs as time goes by.

Try the "quick quote" button on a post you'd like to quote. You can delete sentences you don't want, etc. Preview your reply first to see if you got it right - that helps me anyway.

Try the "quick quote" button on a post you'd like to quote. You can delete sentences you don't want, etc. Preview your reply first to see if you got it right - that helps me anyway.[/quote]


Thank you zhamila.... how does this appear

We have an issue. She told me that I blew up. I dont feel that I had an AO.

Think about how you spoke/behaved.

We do not get to define what Love Busts our spouse, they do.

Something you did in interaction appeared to be an AO; you tensed up, changed the pitch/tone/volume of your voice, lectured (which can be an AO and/or a DJ). How did you interact with your wife, and what can you do to change that?


You are responsible for this! If you feel angry, don't retort, but state: this conversation no longer feels safe, we will discuss it at another time.

Then, discuss it when you can control your emotions about the subject.

I was not angry. DJ maybe. I was working on the room today, a room that has been idle for a few years. An old bath room that we really dont have a plan what to do with. I have been asking her for months to help me with it. Just to spend time together. We bought some kilz paint and was going to paint it to hide the stains that was seeping through the mud that I have been applying. So, I ask her to paint a small area to see if its gonna work. Time goes by....weighting for her to hold up her end of the bargain. This was before i got on mb...I work on it today...thinking of her and the love bank deposit..Did some knock down finsish that we saw at a mexican restaurant and we both liked it...She gets home from work and came downstairs to discuss the issue that I have with a MD and an Attny.. I am injured from a work accident...I am very frustrated with that situation and she acknowledged it......Anyway, we go upstairs and look at the room. Again I tell her that I want her to paint a small area to test and see if it is going to stop the bleed through.. She agreed and I said ....If you would have done it months ago then we would have been alot further along in the progress.....oops....She has been on me about that room for months...You're home all day..why do i have to work all day and come home and do it...other words are spoken...dont really remember.........I go downstairs and stoke the fire....She came downstairs and yelled and me in anger......I have been frustrated for months because I feel that she does'nt care that I have a damaged nerve in my elbow and I hurt....

So, you started a fight because she didn't follow through on a Selfish Demand (her "doing her part")?


Is either of you really enthusiastic about doing this work?

If not, why are you doing it?

PoJA means that neither spouse does anything without the enthusastic agreement of their spouse, and it means they do not do anything they are not enthusastic about.