Another day. Today I started seeong a counseling that is helping me keep focus on me, my life, my future. I have been thinking about all these things Im sure she sees the obvious. That after so many many years of devoting my life to him I lost myself. I hightened that I have been isolating. Yes I have.
I miss him I have for a long time even when he was here I missed him. It is unbelievable that this is happrning. Even though Im living it, it seems like a bad dream.
Suggestions were made to do thongs that make me happy. Numb is the new norm although I switch from anger, saddness, disbelief. Who is the alien body snatcher. No contact continues.

Oh yes since last week. And Im doing natural AD's. Unfortunately through contact with our daughter I did here they are away on a trip. It hurt to here about it.

I will have that conversation with them. My daughter has tild him in no way wikl she ever have a relationship with the OW. She even told him she does not want him to ealk her down the,ilse when she marries. My son wont say anything to him. He says he is now out of it. Sometimes I feel I am in this fight alone and he is spared any hurt by our friends and family.

I will have that conversation with them. My daughter has tild him in no way wikl she ever have a relationship with the OW. She even told him she does not want him to ealk her down the,ilse when she marries. My son wont say anything to him. He says he is now out of it. Sometimes I feel I am in this fight alone and he is spared any hurt by our friends and family.

Seens he suffers no loss. That makes me angry.

Here is my most important queation. What if he wants to come back? Laat year before I found MB we h He still found a way to contact her. ad a few false recoveries. He came back only to fall back into the affair again, even qith boundaries in place no phone no FB
I know he has to be away from the sorce of his addiction, but I would want proof before I allow him in again. Would it be a bad request on my part to ask him to provr his intention? To require he not come to the home right away but to live elsr, do counceling and MB and prove he is sincerely trying to get his family back?

Set her down and explain to her that you want to have a romantic, loving, SAFE marriage and that you won�t stay in a loveless marriage. Tell her you are willing to give her an opportunity to earn your forgiveness. In order for the marriage to recover, certain things have to happen. This is what it will take to keep you interested:

1. end all contact with the OM for life

2. no more nights apart or going out without each other - create a healthy, integrated lifestyle

3. complete transparency - cell phone passwords, etc

4. no more opposite sex friendships

5. complete honesty about her affair<s> � passing a polygraph

6. commit to the Marriage Builders program for recovery as outlined in the book Surviving an Affair.

Tell her "this is what it will take to keep me in this marriage." Whether your marriage ends up with success or failure will depend almost entirely on her willingness and ability to make radical changes. Her lifestyle must become absolutely transparent, holding nothing back. She is in no position to negotiate when it comes to extraordinary precautions, because those precautions are designed to prevent another affair and help you feel safe. She must also meet your emotional needs in a way that until now she has failed. Unless she makes a 180 degree turn in her approach to what it means to be a wife, your marriage won't recover, it will be a crippled version of your pre-affair marriage.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking this approach, because if she won't do these things, you will have lost nothing except a loveless, abusive marriage.

Unless you use this program to create a much better marriage than the one you had before the affair, you are likely looking at repeat affairs. So don't even think you can get away with sweeping the affair under the rug and going back to what you had before. What you had before led to the affair!

Here is my most important queation. What if he wants to come back? Laat year before I found MB we h He still found a way to contact her. ad a few false recoveries. He came back only to fall back into the affair again, even qith boundaries in place no phone no FB
I know he has to be away from the sorce of his addiction, but I would want proof before I allow him in again. Would it be a bad request on my part to ask him to provr his intention? To require he not come to the home right away but to live elsr, do counceling and MB and prove he is sincerely trying to get his family back?

The plan I recommend for recovery after an affair is very specific. That's because I've found that even small deviations from that plan are usually disastrous. But when it's followed, it always works. The plan has two parts that must be implemented sequentially. The first part of the plan is for the unfaithful spouse to completely separate from the lover and eliminate the conditions that made the affair possible. The second part is for the couple to create a romantic relationship, using my Basic Concepts as a guide.

I'll describe these two parts to you in a little more detail.

The first step, complete separation from the lover and eliminating the conditions that made the affair possible, requires a complete understanding of the affair. All information regarding the affair must be revealed to the betrayed spouse, including the name of the lover, the conditions that made the affair possible (travel, internet, etc.), the details of what took place during the affair, all correspondence, and anything else that would shed light on the tragedy.

This information is important for two reasons: (1) it creates accountability and transparency, making it essentially impossible for the unfaithful spouse to continue the affair or begin a new one unnoticed, and (2) it creates trust for the betrayed spouse, providing evidence that the affair is over and a new one is unlikely to take its place. The nightmares you experience are likely to continue until you have the facts that
will lead to your assurance that your husband can be trusted.

An analysis of the wayward spouse's childhood or emotional state of mind in an effort to discover why he or she would have an affair is distracting and unnecessary. It takes precious time away from finding the real solutions. I know why people have affairs: We are all wired for it. Given certain conditions, we would all do it. Given other conditions, however, none of us would do it. So the goal of the first step is to discover the conditions that made the affair possible and eliminate them.

After the first step is completed, the second step is to create a romantic relationship between you and your husband using my 10 Basic Concepts here
as your guide. While your relationship may be improving, it won't lead to a romantic relationship because you are not being transparent toward each other. Unspoken issues in a marital relationship lead to a superficiality that ruins romance.

<snip>

Infidelity is not something that can be swept under the rug. While those who have affairs want to forget about it and move on, those who are betrayed must take very specific steps before they can fully recover. In your case, those steps have not been taken, and as a result, your fear persists. I will send you a complimentary copy of my book, "Surviving an Affair," if you send me your address. It will describe these two steps to you and provide you with a roadmap toward full recovery. But the path will require full disclosure of all details.