NG,

As usual you presentsome very sustaining thoughts. I feel and sense that you have a tremendous amount of Faith. Well yes, sometimes I can be naive in terms of how I think people wiill or should react, and probably more importantly, just assuming that the vast majority of people subscribe to morality, or better put - the Gospel today - 'I give you a new commandment. Love one another as I have loved you.' I'd rather error believing in the stupid and/or narive side. As ever though NG, you never cease to provide prococative and sound wisdom. I feel I may have been too harsh on Marital's introduction of this topic - she was talking about the preservation of the sacrament of marriage (a man and a woman), and the portential failure in the event of inffidelity,

Pepperband, good point but IMHO also think a guy leaving the marital home could be pride-driven. I believe most men simply would try to resolve it - (infidelity) as quickly as possible. However, there is a caveat. Unless you have been married to the same woman for a long period of time, and have been committed to her, I think there is the 'fight or flight' response. Just from my experience, unless you are pressed into service like on the front line of the 'Battle of the Bulge' back in 1944, men are tempted to flee from situations that are unpleaseant and painful, and that they cannot control. So I think, in the case of discovered infidelity, most men today don't know how to fight or deal with it to preserve their marriage. I mean bottom line, this involves the woman they have held up as the ideal in their lives. So I wouldr suggest that most men have been hit hard, and that pride (ego) dicatates some of them will flee, if not acctually from their homes at least emotionally.

Anyway, my thoughts.

I am also beginning to realize that the 'shock jocks' dealing with newbies here are not efective - esp. in terms of BH's. Who am I to say this - no one!- and I fully realize that all of you beleive in the sacarament of marriage as I do and more of you have gone thru more pain than I have to preseve their marriag. But, I've seen alot of people turned off and simply leave. Yes their choice, but ya never know that a softer approach would have been more effective

Yea, they haven't taken away my key to here yet,

Tom.

A softer approach usually only coddles them and keeps them in the miserable wreck their marriage has become (in the case of infidelity). You really can't pussyfoot around it.

If I were a guy, I would be kicking [censored] all over the place.

No, you wouldn't.

If you were a guy, here, you might not move out of the house, but your instinctive "kicking [censored]" response would be viewed with disdain.

If you were a guy, here, you might not move out of the house, but your instinctive "kicking [censored]" response would be viewed with disdain.

I do so love to be vindicated by data.

Have you been keeping score, kiddo, on the "paired" threads on the "Recovery" board? Since yesterday morning, the numbers of hard, directed, "you need to do this" posts are running 19 to the BH, and 9 to the WW.

***edit***

Maybe I'm reading wrong but I think the kicking [censored] is really nothing more than what's prescribed by the program--standing up for one self, refusing to go along with the affair, refusing to be bullied and cower in fear, and standing up to the affair partner.

Thank you bliss for this thread and all of the other male posters. I am drawing strength from its words to standup for myself.
My situation does not have an affair anywhere in it (AFAIK). But does have my EN's not being met.
I think I was influenced a little too much by all of those late 80's talkshows that said women want sensitive men.
Me H38
W 39
2xDD
M 6.5 years

Heldback, why don't you go over to the MB101 forum and post your story? We've got a lot of great posters who may be able to help you.

Welcome!

MB, I hope you'll excuse my usurping your thread, but something is occurring here with disturbing frequency, that I cannot fathom.

Increasingly WHs are arriving here professing the strength and depth of their Christianity, often while also averring that of their adulterous wives! The typical position is that being "Christian" should not only be sufficient to protect one's marriage (in the face of evidence of violence upon it!), but seemingly precludes and denies the right (need? power?) to defend that sacred institution from the depredations of OM and those of the wayward partner herself!

I do NOT get it!

I cannot see where a strong faith (of whatever type) replaces the innate need to protect one's own self from evil. On the contrary, it should be all the more comforting, in fighting for something, that the actions are being taken in defense of a covenant that has been blessed and established by the religion in which the principle professes such strong adherence! If "forever" and "until death" have been replaced in the canon and liturgy by "until one of us feels a different itch".....I'm sorry, I didn't get the memo.

Rant over (for now)....

NG, you certainly have my permission to take this thread down that road. I would be interested to see where it goes.

Having been brought up in the Christian faith, I familiar with the tenets and framework of the Church. I am also of the opinion that various interpretations of what Christ began have prompted separate philosophies of the religion that Christ would not recognize as having anything to do with what He started.

Your quote is a good example: "til death do us part" is not referenced in the Bible. It was part of a man-made ritual in the act of Marriage. I get what they were shooting for by including that "til death do us part" phrase, but it isn't scriptural. If Man really wanted to align the covenant of Marriage with the Bible that phrase wouldn't have been part of the ritual of Marriage. After Christ's earthly death He returned to join God. Ergo, there should be no expiration date on Marriage.

Just my thought, and I've got a million of 'em. But this isn't my itch to scratch - I've already done that IRL. So go for it, NG