oh crap. I am going to your thread..

Mel we started going to church last July. I ask in prayer for a number and a confession. The number was 3 which was correct the confession can after we went to bed. Needless to say I haven't slept. 2 of the people where bar pick ups the third was my ex- best friend. I called him today and of course he denied everything. I ask W if there were any others other than the one I knew about of course she lied and said no. A yes answer would have gotten her thrown out the door.

There is a reward for being a liar for more than 20 years.

AM

2nd time in about a month my brother ran into OM. The first was a supermarket and he advised OM to leave.

The 2nd time was Sat night at a sports bar watching the NCAAs. OM was with that former friend of mine (himself a cheater) who intro'd us to OM and wife many, many years ago.

My former friend came over to my brother and hugged him and begged my brother to have me call him as he misses me. I have my reasons for not speaking to him, one, he is still obviously friends with my wifes former boyfriend, two, he's a derelict and three, he's absolutely exhausting to spend any time with. Of the handful of friends whom because of the sheer embarassment of this thing I opted to end relationships with, this is one Im perfectly happy with.

OM positioned himself facing the door so he could watch those who may be entering to knock his lights out.

I was home and the bar is actually in my town not more than 5 minutes away. And, its not a place I go to often so getting into a fight there and getting banned from it would not have been a hardship.

Im glad my brother didnt call me until Sun morning to tell me this. In my imagination, I see OM at a restaurant or store only by wonderful accident. By hopping in my car, I am now premeditated and my alibi that we met eyes and I thought he smirked at me and set me off, your honor, is not as valid.

My brother said he made sure OM saw him making cell phone calls to pretend he's dialing me. So little retribution, so little time.

My brother live 30 minutes away but has managed 2 run-ins with this guy and I cant one in 2 years.

You must be tired of answering this question but please answer it again:

Why haven't you moved?

Why haven't you moved?

I have another question suggestion mandate: Tell your brother to keep his OM sightings to himself. (Was he the type of tyke who pulled half the legs off spiders to watch them walk in circles?)

NG - you are so wonderfully weird.

If there was even the slightest indication of withdrawal or remaining feelings in my wife towards OM, I still would not move. I was not uprooting my family because of this.

I certainly have talked about this but as disgusting as it may be, this relationship ended well, well before it ended officially. (As a lot of them tend to do.) This implies a level of submission on my wife that Ill never be able to overcome. That is, she remained his toy well after the honeymoon of their relationship was over. Ive never got a real reason as to why from her but a major personality disorder is the diagnosis I use.

DDay was sufficient enough to reverse a lot of this flaw in her so moving my family and the resultant anguish from my kids to their mother was easy to avoid.

Did I mention Im a superhero?

I can handle it. I get a thrill knowing how close I get to breaking his face.

My brother knows I intend to do some damage so he chose not to call me. Fairly mature of him.

He said he'll never call me in such situations because he doesnt want to see me get arrested and then have to explain to our mother that he made the call to me.

I didnt mention any of this to my wife.

No harm no foul on my brother's part.

I also had to explain to him that this beat down will have little to do with him banging my wife. If my wife chose to whore herself out, she'll have that karma to deal with forever. This is about how HE insisted on spending time with my kids and letting them fall in love with his family. He got my kids involved in his affair as much as my wife did and he'll pay for that. He made it his business to be with my family every weekend and as much as possible. He was in love with my wife well after she stopped being in love with him. Sleeping with my wife? Thats her issue.

(Sorry Pep: Nothing wonderfully weird here!)

I get a thrill knowing how close I get to breaking his face.

You don't need to have thrills from imagining wrecking vengeance on OM. You need to create thrills embedded in your improved marriage.

Enjoying the first is creating emotional poison that is preventing the second - sort of a solitary masturbatory "thrill" as opposed to a joint, conjugal "thrill".

You should seek to end it the practice.

What about your feelings?

You think about bumping into him. You wonder about when that is going to happen. You have been doing badly lately with your thoughts about the affair. Why not move for your own benefit? Your marriage would benefit, too.

MSS,

My former friend came over to my brother and hugged him and begged my brother to have me call him as he misses me.

How widely is the affair known or is this guy just dumb as a brick?

As to why your WW continued it with OM, perhaps it had something to do with the way OM wove your lives together that made your WW think it was normal or even that you somehow gave tacit approval or "you knew".

About OM it seems in cases like this that he wanted to be you, or even that his primary attraction was to you. Did the exposure have any negative consequences for OM?

God Bless
Gamma

The former friend knows of the affair because omw told him. He like I didn't know of it while it was happening. That said, many of us could be considered dumb as bricks for not seeing it. I was best friend with this guy for 15 years before om came into the picture.

I agree the with the normalcy part, but not my tacit approval. I've used the word normal many times to describe it.

Doubt he wanted to be me. Just wanted to get laid and found a less than moral partner in my wife.

The only negative that I see he faces is his regular action was taken away. He still goes out without his wife as evidenced by sat nights trip to the bar. I really have no idea though as to his consequences .

Point taken.

MSS,

I don't obsess about this, but my W and I have suffered many consequences, and I do wish I knew what consequences the POSOM is suffering now....the urge to seek revenge is very real.

In our mind, justice = revenge. We want justice for our pain and revenge seems the best way to get it sometimes. believe me, I'm right there with you. If revenge were the right thing then it makes sense that a revenge affair would be good too. We all know thats not right, dont we?

Once I came to the conclusion that I could only control me, the constant desire to seek his undoing waned. Now, although I would like to see him hurt, I'm no longer focusing on being the one who does the hurting. He sewed, one day he'll reap. Maybe I'll see it, maybe I wont. I dont have to obsess about it anymore because I'm working on me and dont have time for POSOM.

I hope this helps you a little

Mikey, Mikey, Mikey...

You hit gold. Did you even know it?


"I don't think he wanted to be me..."


Pssssssh... OM could never be me. I'm not a scavenger taking scraps off some other man's wife.

I'm a lion. I chase them hyenas away from my kill.


Hop up out the beeeeed, turn my swag on... take a look in the mirror say "what's up?"

If I had a dollar everytime the thought of revenge against the OW had crossed my mind, I could have had a large bank account in Crete - no make that Switzerland.

AM

AM,

What strategies/techniques did you learn to employ to quell those thoughts?

Sometimes the temptation is so strong because self-administering justice would be so easy...

Help,

I mostly stopped having those thoughts as our marriage recovered. The better I felt about being married to my husband the less I pondered violent ends to the OW. (I do still hope for a tornado to drop a house upon her head.)

In our case, the OW did face some consequences. She received non-judicial punishment from the Army: a letter of reprimand from the two-star general, a fine of 1/2 months pay for two months, and an unsatisfactory performance evaluation. Several months after D-day, when my H contacted her via email and phone, the OW told H that she was ostrasized at work. Since then, she moved to a different state and different organization where no one knew her. I believe her to be separated/divorced from her husband. So, it really wasn't necessary for me to exact some sort of revenge. OW got away with alot, but she didn't freely get away with everything. There was a little bit of justice.

AM