You are doing just great!! It is very scary and I applaud you for standing up for your marriage. You are doing the right thing and we all know how very hard this is. Like Winston Churchill said once, "when you are going through hell, keep going!"


Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

That is just GREAT! Hopefully you can contact them. One thing you should do is disguise your # when you call just in case they know your name. You can punch in *67 before you dial the number and your name won't show up on the caller ID.

Well done MTW. You've hit the mark with your wife being angry. Hopefully exposure to the company owner and OM's coworkers will run him off. Don't stop until it's done.

You are doing a stellar job. Until this is the open then hopefully dead, nothing would change.

Now it can.

Stay strong, it can get very hard on you. But be the light.

The encouragement helps a lot...you all must know...sorry to you too.

Many friends are griping about the action being wrong but I agree something had to be done to change the cycle.

I will be ready to listen and love if and when she comes home...is able

She had a huge gripe about me controlling her life all these years, so she has added this up to more hurtful control

I guess you weren't too good at "controlling" or she wouldn't be having an affair!


And they all mean well, but they do not know how to save marriages. You will also hear from many who will support your marriage, so don't be discouraged!

How many of these friends have a history of saving marriages? MTW, the day my FWH's affair was exposed was the day it died. He told me later that he was grateful that the affair was exposed. He said he didn't know how to end it himself.

Listen to the people who have been where you are and recovered their marriages.

Dude, we get many BSs here who arrive as you did - distraught and unsure of what to do. We give them the guidance that you have received.

So far, your acceptance of the advice has been stellar, which sets you apart from many of the other arrivals.

DRIVE HOME the exposure, but BEWARE of the sneaky bat-s**t-crazy WW that yours might become. Protect yourself with a mini-audio recorder on your person and "On" whenever you are in proximity to WW. You do NOT need the complication of a bogus domestic violence complaint.

You are doing great. You have listened and followed the advice given. Exposure is the best tool to kill an A, if not immediately it will continue to impact the A and hasten it's death.

Try not to listen to well meaning friends who do not understand the benefits of exposure. Unfortunately many believe a BS should keep quiet about the A. They do not realise that this enables the A, that secrecy allows the A to thrive and become more entrenched.

As other posters have noted your WW will be angry you have interfered with the A and you will hear lots of fogbabble. When you read the many threads on MB you will see they all follow a wayward script, so try not to take what you hear to heart. Many FWS have later acknowledged the value of exposure and it has been a major factor in recovery.

Take care and stay strong.

Well done, MTW!

Keep following the advice given, it really works. Like other's have said, be prepared to experience an crazy, angry WW. She'll say all kinds of things that she won't remember later. Get the voice recorder for your own protection.

Couple of things: Don't appologize for exposure and don't give her your exposure list. Tell her you are doing everything you can to end her affair so you can work on having a wonderful marriage with her. If she asks who you told, tell her, "I exposed your affair to friends, family, and coworkers to gather their support in ending your affair and saving our marriage."

You are doing great MTW, much better than I did. The madder she gets, the more damage you did to the affair. She will be foggy and in withdrawal, just like an addict. Prepare for that, watch for the signs and just be the safest place for her to land. If you are the safest place for her, she'll see you as the beacon of light that she needs.

Yes! OM's peeps should definitely know about the infidelity.

Welcome to MB.

Oh, poor baby.

Be sure to make "home" the best place on Planet Earth.

Once the affair is killed .... we might need to discuss this....


This is probably one of her major complaints ... even if it is an unspoken complaint.

Save this thought for later.

Thanks again for the encouragement--it all helps.

She was really not that mad and she did come home. Pretty dang mad though. I slept on the couch--i can hear the door open easier from there anyway.

Tsunami is about right. Phone ringing and texting non stop. Mom called, brother called, 10 yr old friends called etc.

She keeps asking why, why this person, that person etc. Each time I just get to re-emphasize that it is the affair that is the problem and the threat, not the people trying to help.

I eavesdropped on 2 conversations so far. One where all 3 kids still at home went in and talked to her about all the commotion. And on her phone with her mom this am. She did not even sound mad with them--like she does with me--she says she knows she needs to do right, needs to stay, but that she loves the OM so much and that what I did is not helping just pushing her away. But each time she says that and developed more belief, accountability, and reason I know it is helping.

I actually talked with her this am a little about it, trying to answer the why questions, but not apologizing. She let me hug her when I left.

So...I got a call from the owner of the company where the OM works. He is pretty pissed and a bunch of people are going home today because they are sacred for there safety. I have never made a threat, but my wife told them all what a gun enthusiast I am--sorry, but that tickles the heck out of me. He went on and on about threatening his co and employees and i ensured him that was not my intention--totally calm and respectful. Surely the OM is going to catch crap for this right? The owner said it was a personal matter and he would not be involved. I reminded him of the legal and ethical implications of a high level manager getting involved with an admin assistant--especially if medical complications result, but that my primary motives were to influence the OM to end the affair for good.

I tried the OM parents 6 times and finally just left a message on a home machine.

Basically, all hell is breaking loose. But it was gonna sooner or later anyway--this better than sitting on my hands.

My stomach is in knots, I hope I am done with all this expose stuff now???

Thanks again so much for all the comments, instructions, and encouragement. I appreciate you tons.

Yes. I am totally half the problem. I neglected her ignorantly. She was looking good, doing good, meeting my needs, and was getting really scared I just did not notice or care anymore. Kids are leaving and I was in la la land--she was scared she'd end up all alone in the long run--end up like her parents--together but isolated. It is all the stuff Dr Harley warns about and I even preach about, but I was asleep in my own dang marriage. The core mistake was me believing she was invincible. I have tons of work to do and I'll do it--I just need the second chance.

OM is probably going to dump her.
She's too much work now that you are nipping at his heels.
Not to mention, 5 kids.
Prepare for WW's tsunami of grief.

PS:

She'll get over it.
Watch her like a hawk.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

OM just called me. Said he is not pursuing and he is sending her my way. He has told me that before, but it was when I called him. I'd say the pot has been stirred.

How do I prepare for the Tsunami of grief and how long before it hits? 30 day withdrawal period coming?

You are doing great!! I would try driving to the OMs parents home. Can you find their address? If you have a phone # you can do a reverse lookup on whitepages.com.

When you speak to your wife, tell her that there is no future with the OM because he will be eternally hated by your kids and her parents. Ask her parents to call the OM and tell that POS he will never darken their doorstep.

Don't know where you got 30 days from.

Probably 5 times that.