Oops! MISS. Get your butt back in your bed, MTW.

And before you get in there? Put on fresh sheets. Plump up the pillows. Make it an inviting place for your WW (and yourself.)

No man, that makes total sense--I just never thought of it from that angle. I was just thinking I'd show love by taking the harder spot. I'll just crawl in bed tonight and act like nothing is wrong. I doubt she will say a thing, but if she does I'll say I changed my mind and that I do not have any underwear on. Kidding about the last part.

This is why receiving counsel is so important--there is so much we fail to see on our own.

OM's words mean NOTHING. He is covering his own butt. Watch this. Make sure your snooping tools are in place, in case he is playing you and isn't going to go easily away.

Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst.

MTW,

She will of heard from the OM by now that I screwed up everything at his work.

He was in a position of authority, trust and responsibility, by having an affair with another employee he violated those privileges.

Correction OM screwed up at work and is no different than someone who takes inventory home, damages equipment or writes graffiti in the bathroom.

God Bless
Gamma

Darkness is only good if you're trying to get a decent night's sleep Other than that, shine on!

You are more in control of this than you know. And it's wise to trust in God - He's leading you. I suspect He has led you here.

I fear I am late with this post and you are already in this meeting, but you MUST respond: "Please tell me how hiding the deeds of Darkness is a blessing to God?"

No, you won't. You'll hop into the freshly-made bed (that I just posted to you about) and pat her side, while she is looking at you like you're nuts.

MTW: I put fresh sheets on. I thought you'd like that. I know I do.
WW: You're a disaster, do you hear me???? You've made my life a mess, blah blah blah.
MTW: I'm sorry you feel that way, dear. Wow, this bed is so comfortable!

etc. Don't be drawn into in-depth crap right now. That's for later.

Maybe your church elders will be interested in these scriptures:

"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." ( John 3:19-21)

"Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them." Ephesians 5:11

You were very brave today, MTW!

MTW,
Way to go so far. You are man who seeks wisdom, recognizes it when he sees it, and does something with it.

Looks like you are on your way to blowing this affair to smithereens. Your wife is in the fog, and you are unleashing the dogs of hell on her addiction. (Pretty good for a minister.) You are effectively making the affair a bad proposition for the other man. Keep the heat on this loser. If she can make it 60 days without contact, you will get there.

As far as the wife goes, she will be angry about exposure for some time. So don't expect her to understand what you did. She is in the fog and it doesn't dissipate overnight. When she keeps asking why, say, because I am fighting for my marriage. Explain that exposure shines the light of truth on the affair and affairs fall apart under scrutiny. They thrive only in darkness of secrecy.

Continue to Plan A by meeting her needs and showing you're a better husband in areas you failed in the past.

Offering take her on a 30 day vacation was a great idea. After all the exposure you have done, spending 30 days with you alone probably is the last thing she wants. But after she calms down and hopefully comes to her senses, she might reconsider if you ask her again. So wait awhile then ask again. If she says no, then negotiate for a week vacation or a weekend get-away and build from there.

Finally, if you have the money, set up an appointment with Steve Harley. From everything I've read about him here on the forums, his counseling can get her back in the fold.

MTW,

You're the man! Like other posters have said, go back to your bed. My WW tried to physically remove me from our bed. Make sure you have the recorder available to capture this encounter.

1st post: 4/8/13 01:50AM

10-megaton exposure; DONE.

You, sir, have done VERY well.

Her anger is already cooling down.

I ordered the gps logger today.

I intend to back up her iphone to my laptop in the ams when she is in the shower--how often is the norm? I hate itunes though--it'll eat up a ton of my 10 year old computer. I track her texts already though--only about 5 per day. She is wary of using her own phone. I'd like to see all the pics though.

I am thinking about a VAR under the car seat, but she listens to music a lot so I'm not sure it will work--is this worth the $100?

I am intercepting all her non work emails already--very few. She uses her laptop here at the house maybe twice a month, so I am hesitant to spend money on a keylogger. I am trying to connect with another employee in the building so I can try to get the company email protocols and intercept those too.

So how dire is all the snoop tools if she does not know how I am getting insight and what I am doing is working so far? I can sell a gun to buy stuff if needed.

How do I keep the heat on the OM on an ongoing basis? Do you mean by confronting him every time something is found? Letters? Glassing his house when he leaves in the ams? Putting an airbag initiator on his gas tank and programming it to my wife's cell number? Sending him a counterfeit aids testing letter from the county health department? Chaining his axle to his swimming pool filter? Putting a dead fish in his ac evaporater? Better clarify because I could get a little carried away.

One of the guns that is part of the hobby you admit took your focus off the marriage?

I may be just a tad radical here... but I would tell you to sell most of, if not all of, your collection. Her head will spin. WWs tend to have resentment towards the hobbies that "replaced" them.

Heck... Ws in general resent hobbies that take their husband away...

While I truly admire your creativity, PLEASE DO NOT DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL!!! This will only complicate things further and make it more difficult for you. When people advised you to keep pressure on the OM, I�m quite sure they meant through contacting his employer. Don�t let them sweep this under the rug, as they are likely to do if you don�t follow through.

The snooping is for you to verify NC between OM and WW. She will never be able to get through withdrawal without NC. What software are you using to view her iPhone content? I used a program called �iPhone Backup Extractor� and it worked really well, especially if you can get access to a computer that she previously backed the phone up to. Anything that was ever on that phone when it was backed up will be in the backup file. When I purchased it, I think it was $10. The keylogger may not be important, and I tend to agree that if she uses the laptop sparingly, she�s probably not using it to contact the OM. She could end up doing that though, especially if she finds out that you�re snooping in other areas. Better to know than to be fairly certain. I�ll see if I can find a relatively inexpensive one when I get home from work.

I feel that the VAR in her car is important. You may have to sift through a lot of irrelevant recordings because of her listening to music, but if she buys a throw-away, prepaid phone, this will likely be the place that she uses it.

Be careful with company emails. If they process any kind of privacy act information, it could be a federal crime to try and intercept those emails. Like I said, don�t do anything illegal. Most companies have a required user agreement that every user has to sign. If you can keep legal pressure on the company to investigate this OM for violating company policies, they will dig into his company email. If they have any sort of backup solution (not sure how big the company is, but they should) then anything he has ever sent or received from that email address will be recoverable. Force the company to look into this by taking legal action. Don�t try to do this yourself or get an insider to get you this information.

MTW, I agree that you should not do anything illegal! One slip up and you can bet that you opponents will use it against you in every way. So be very careful.

Raising hell with the OM means visiting or calling him up every time he contacts your wife. And calling his parents. Make his life a living hell.

As far as spy resources, I would also be searching her car for a secret second cell phone.

If this hobby is something you and your W will never enjoy together and it hinders your ability to spend enough UA time with her (remember 15 to 20 hours a week) then I say sell the whole collection. Use the money on something you and her agree would be enjoyable in doing together.

Thanks goodness my W enjoys golf. I�d be really sad if I had to sell my clubs.

I strongly agree. Your wife has already warned OM about your gun collection, portraying you as a potentially dangerous person who may literally try to kill him. As a man of God who is trying to save his marriage, that is the last impression you should be giving anyone.

In light of Aurora CO, Newtown, CT, etc. I don't blame people for being afraid to go to OM's workplace after hearing about your anger, your comment that you wanted to kill OM, and your extensive collection of guns and ammunition. I've got to tell you, I was very disturbed by your comment: "I guess he is the one that left the building 1st today today and told everyone that a crazy scorned husband would be there to kill people--I never insinuated that, but it pleases me." Their fear may have pleased you, but I doubt it pleased God.

I suspect your wife (and others) would be relieved if you got rid of that entire collection.

We are also gun enthusiasts at my house MTW. If you ask your wife if you should sell your collection, she will likely say, "Oh no, I know how much you love it. You would resent me if I asked you to do that."

Wouldn't it be wonderful if you sold a few substantial guns (ones you LOVE, not just think are "okay") and bought her a beautiful new diamond wedding band to replace the old one from your dead marriage ? If you did this totally on your own, as a surprise, and wrote a nice letter to go with it, tell her how much she is worth to you ? And then expect nothing NOTHING in return from her. That would be awesome.

In light of Aurora CO, Newtown, CT, etc. I don't blame people for being afraid...

That was a gratuitous slap that probably offended every law-abiding firearm owner on this site, JC (or should have, IMHO). It certainly offended me.

WSs spout off here all the time, hoping (praying? Likely not in this case!) for some disaster to befall the APs, and very often drifting into thoughts of delivering that disaster themselves.

Waving the "bloody shirt" of victims having NOTHING to do with infidelity nor revenge, but being occasioned by the demented compulsions of the mentally ill, to castigate a BS venting his anger and frustration, is likely not helpful to his cause.

"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." ( John 3:19-21)

Exemplary timing, Tex. This was today's RC Gospel.