*Applaud* MTW your getting good advice and heeding it. Stay the course keep being receptive. As for the scary co workers, fire OM he's too much drama at the work place. Rooting for ya!

There is not much money to speak of--I am a minister with 3 expensive hobbies remember?

Very little credit left in any CCs--call and close them? Or remover her from them?

So keep the joint bank accounts and just get me another by myself, leaving 1/3 in the joint accts?

If she wants the new car can I not just transfer it to her? I don't want it, mine is paid for. We have not a made a payment yet? It is a 2009.

Cell phones, health insurance, auto insurance, life insurance? All that goes? Will be interpreted as hateful.

Household goods and furniture? Divvy up?

I have all our important docs stored at the house--why the move to a bank box? I hate banks. Is this in case I get removed and charged with some sort of DV?

I will contact the school. Kids know the name and workplace of the OM--they told her they never want to meet the rotten [censored].

Know nothing about D laws here.

She is still wearing the wedding rings. She hugs me back when I hug her. If I freaking lose it and cry, it makes her cry too--but I try not to get down around her.

Hoping she does not go, but feel I should prepare.

Wait for other advice & here's mine. DO NOT LET HER TAKE ANYTHING. She is moving out and abandoning a 23 year marriage and her family for OM right? So let him foot the bill for her living standards. Letting her take anything is feeding the affair, if she wants to live comfortably she should stay her a$$ home and work the MB program. Close all accounts and open new ones with out her. Keep that friggin' car! As far as insurance let her have it until you D. Keep the important docs at a bank in your name. Why? So, she doesn't have access to them in case she wants to bolt with your kids or trump up a bogus DV charge. No furniture for her, Rent A Center can help her. Honestly, anything you do financially to assist her will be assiting that affair and ENABLING her. Show her how life is without you babysitting and financing her illusion. Wait for others to chime in but I'm sure we are on the same page.

If she wants the new car can I not just transfer it to her?

Reverend, right now you and the creature formerly known as your wife are at war. Her previous lifestyle facilitated her infidelity and betrayal; you must do all in your power to ruin that life. She leaves with some of her clothes, and the burden of knowing she is doing all this damage to herself. If her cell is under your plan, remove it. Let her try to create a life on $2K/month, starting from ZERO!

ETA: Buy her a cheap $2.99 Bible as a going-away present.

Pardon my French ....
Oh hell no.
Those items are parts of the marriage. You and the children are going to enjoy your home "as is".
She is abandoning the marriage.
She can take her clothing, her toiletries, and a suitcase.

Google away.
Your state + divorce laws

Hug her a LOT.

NG, you need your own column in the local paper. "How it is with NeverGuessed."

Exactly, The Art of War, my friend.

I hope she stays. She's wrong to move away when her children and her husband need her.
But, if she goes, the same day you change the locks.
Make her decision to abandon you and the kids *sting hard*.

If she does not fall hard & fast, her wrongness lasts longer.

1. A cell phone is a luxury not a necessity. She can buy her own service.
2. Health insurance is a necessity not a luxury. Do not cancel her health insurance.
3. Auto insurance on a machine she is not driving? Not a problem. Pay the insurance if she is not driving it. I'm certain one of your teenagers has his eye on that car. LOL (damn kids)

Hateful? Consequences are thus.
You do the crime, you do the time.
She is making bad choices.

OK. Do I ask for the wedding rings when she goes? I could melt them down and cast a bullet that I could save for special purposes in plan C.

Man I hate this. I wish I'd been more proactive when I read His Needs Her Needs 8 years ago.

No, You want her to keep wearing those rings as a reminder of her commitment before God. When you have the chance, kiss those rings and say something like; "I love that we married each other for life."

I wish I'd been more proactive...

Emotional attention that needs direction toward more immediate concerns, my friend.

(Don't imagine you're unique in that. From where do you think the alias "NeverGuessed" arose?)

MTW, don't let her take any furniture or household money without a court order. She will have to continue to pay her share of the bills. You can't just leave your home and stop paying the bills.

P.s if she does move, which I doubt she will, I predict she will be back soon. Most don't leave but most threaten to leave.

MTW,

I see in your location that you are in AZ as well, I�m in Tucson myself. Our state is a 50/50 state and it's no fault so you can't even bring her infidelity into the case. I think it is utterly stupid that the destruction of a marriage through such a giant sin is an abomination and the problem with marriages in our country now days. As for any of the other recommendations I don�t know about those yet since my WW is still living in the house with us, even if she has moved to the guest room. Good luck with your WW mine has no interest in recovering our marriage but yet I am still trying. Have no expectations, just work Plan A and to be the best husband/father you can be and if she doesn�t come around then at least you will know you did everything you could.

Stone

Nothing is working for pain today. Tried reciting some verses, short prayers, forgiving everyone again, talked to some friends, pain just keeps building inside.

I have not given up control/expectations/intentions of changing this thing by acting right--and you can tell me to do it all day but I got no idea how the hell to do it.

She has specific plans and a date.

She has no intentions of helping with bills here--how do you ensure that happens?

Five days to plan A. Hope you have mega monumental plans for the next 5 days. She is still allowing hugs!!! You have major access to the LB to be affectionate... In your case your wife very well might appreciate a diamond ring! Does she appreciate flowers??? Can you arrange for the kids to spend some time elsewhere? At least maybe for a couple of days.