She hangs out with our next door neighbor, he's a very gay man in a relationship. The trip out of town was for some legalize gay marriage rally at the state capitol building. She showed me the flyer, and a hotel confirmation for a hotel 3 blocks away.

...and you can't 'invite' yourself to go along to show your support for a cause she supports?

That is where I would start. The affair may be with this man or one of his friends and he is her cover. Can you get spyware on her cell phone?

Well she knows I really don't support the gay movement stuff, just how I was raised. Never stopped her from supporting them thou. She's gone to 2 of these things in the last 3 years, not common at all. By hanging out with them, they are here, or she is there, 25 feet away. I figured he was the emotional affair guy thou, just someone she could talk to.

No on the spyware cell phone, my FIL said he'll pull billing as far back as I wanted. He just thinks she's going thru a middle life crisis with her/our kids about to graduate and the house about to be empty. He says he's been watching her, and to him she's just lost her drive to do anything at all. She's very tired, depressed in his opinion.

Ok I agree im very new to all these concepts, I was referred to this site.

Am I crazy for thinking that she really might just be crazy right now? I know her schedule for the last 5 years, she really didn't have time to blow her own nose. A lot of stress from her dad, mom, and uncle at work. Two of them had heart attacks within 4 months of each other this last year. She had to learn to take over the business. Kids/sports/dinner/school/laundry/taking kids to/from school up to 3times per day 20 miles away(private),special needs pets (7)...........hell I dunno.

I was just looking for some advice. I'll stick to whatever game plan you put out there thou.

T, is there a reason you can't get spyware on her phone? Can you not get ahold of it?

You should know that "mid life crisis" is a myth that is oddly applied to people in their 30's. I have no idea why because we have people acting the same way here that are 20, 50 and 60. It is a strange form of denial.

Its constantly in here hands, all the property security, all emergency calls, maintance issues are routed to her phone, she then calls the dept. needed to send people for the issue. Last night she got a call for a water leak at 2:45 am, and had to call a maintance guy to take care of it. She literally runs all 692 apartments 24 hours a day, from her desk, her bed, or the couch/kitchen using that phone.

Can you get it while she is in the shower or asleep?

well I can try I guess, she sleeps with it in here hand, and is pretty conditioned to having it there after years of taking care of everything.

I could try the shower, I know its got a password that I don't know, cause it also has a rent roll program she can access from anywhere, so its locked in case she every lost/dropped it.

Can you watch to see what the password is? Think about how you can get the password. Is it an iphone?

And you can also research which spyware programs will work the best and then practice on it so you could download it quickly.

When she goes on this trip, could you hire a PI to tail her?

Thumpered,

some legalize gay marriage rally

Your WW may be having a relationship with another woman? Just as damaging as a relationship with a man.

God Bless
Gamma

Check the numbers of all those texts/calls to her female friends. She could have a lovers number in her address book with a name she knows you wouldn't suspect. Is the a listed for Gertrude really Gary?

ok, I gave myself 48 hours to really think about this all. To put things into perspective for myself and my kids.

Also found out the phone bills were last year at this time, NOT CURRENT ones. Now my FIL is back peddling, says he cant find the recent ones. Wife now has them solidly hidden im sure.

Back in the house for 3.5 days now, she's cold as ice, doesn't care if I hung myself in living room or split town altogether. No chance in getting her phone now, my daughter says shes deleting everything immediately now too and taking extra precaustions. Needless to say im stuck with what to do. Seems like im fighting a losing battle here, she's got the ammo, the guns, the hunting party, and the dogs. Wondering if I should just file and make her happy (maybe even both).

when you say FIL is back peddling...does that mean you think he was trying to cover for your wife by giving you the wrong bills or just that he made a mistake. If he made a mistake and you think you can still count on him, he should still be able to get copies of the right bills online.

You need to figure this out. When and how does she communicate with her affair partner? Does she talk on the phone? How? Who do you think her affair is with?

Can you hire a PI to tail her on her upcoming trip?

back peddling like he wants to just stay out of it, don't ask him for anymore help!!!!!

I have no idea how much she talks to this other person to be honest, cause until I came to this website, I thought she really just needed some space, I've beat myself up pretty good and honestly cant find time in in her life for an affair. Since I moved back in Friday, she's been here, didn't leave except to drop off daughter once. 15 mins? Never saw her use the phone, think she might have even shut if off.

No I cant do the PI thing, after 6 weeks of paying for two of everything, this is pushing more than the marriage apart.

huh? Didnt' you tell us she texts all hours of the night? Did you tell us she deletes emails and texts off her phone? You can see her conducting an affair with your own eyes and you tell us you "honestly cant find time in in her life for an affair??"

Do you think it is normal for a spouse to sneak around and text all hours of the night? Do you think it is normal for a spouse to delete everything from their phone? I don't do that. My husband doesn't do that. Do you do that?

Do you think you could be in denial?

I guess if you won't get the evidence of the affair, there is nothing we can do to help you. We can't FORCE you to take action. Just know that unless you unearth the affair and expose it, there is no stopping the divorce train. We can't force you to help yourself, though.

I'm agreeing that theres an emotional affair going on, heck possibley with another woman. Far as it being physical, sure maybe, or just about to go physical anyways.

I'm not in denial, I just feel like I CANT do anything that will make a difference. Now with the FIL back peddling, he's still giving me 90% of my business/work. I cant help but feel he's gonna start cutting back my work, then I cant even feed my kids.
The big picture is so overwhelming to me.

I DONT KNOW HOW TO GET ACCESS TO PHONE. The phone seems key to everyone. Hell I stayed up till 4 am trying to find it while she was sleeping, both hands were on it, she had it under her chest, and I still have no idea what the code is.

New tidbit, my FIL just called me, and since the phone/business phone records are up at the office, and I technically don't work there, any effort to obtain them would be considered burglary in his eyes. GREAT this just gets better and better............sounds like im slowly being show the door in more ways than just my marriage. Again he reiterated she's not having an affair, and I just need to back off and give her time.

Well, if you can't do anything then neither can we. As far as denial, when you tell us you can't see how she could be in an affair and then describe affair activities, it does not look promising.

I wish we could help, but if you can't find out the who and how, our hands are tied.