I take it the maybe turned into a No I don't have time to discuss it?

To your question how do you pitch this to her and what parts should you pitch?

You just let her know you are going to read up on this program and invite her to join you. If she agrees then ask her how she�d like to go about it (alone or together, you read it to her, she reads it to you, you take turns, etc).

If she says no then state simply that�s OK. That you are going to continue learning the program and hope that one day she�ll feel compelled to do the same. No demands or assumptions. Just state your goals, desires.

As far as which parts/books � well I say all of them. LOL. You are in scramble mode and the sooner you digest and implement all of the parts the better. Seems you failed to consistently meet her needs (she couldn�t count on you). When you argued (never argue with your spouse) she decided it was time to separate (lovebusters).

Get through HNHN and LoveBusters quickly.

I would start with "Fall In Love, Stay In Love," since it's basically an overview of "Lovebusters" and "His Needs, Her Needs."

Well, topic came up today. Reluctantly she agreed to 6 months, staying in our home, marriage builders and marriage counseling. She even handed me the # of the counselor.

Can you skip the counselor and do MB coaching instead?

Marriage counselors destroy marriages. You will have a better chance with MB coaching.

She does not want to call someone over the phone for counseling. The phone # she gave me was from our daughter's teacher and apparently he is very pro marriage.

How do you know he is pro marriage?

Markos and I went to 3 counselors before coming to MB. They all claimed to be pro marriage. And they all only made things worse.

If you are not going to use MB coaching, you would be better off just going through the MB material on your own instead of going to a counselor. Markos and I have often wished that we had just used the money we spent on those 3 counselors for date nights! It would have been better spent!

There's also the MB Radio Show. It's free. And you will get better advice there than a counselor.

Your average marriage counselor doesn't have a clue what it takes to save a marriage. Skip it.

BTW, I didn't want to do phone coaching at first, either. I have a phone phobia -- sounds crazy, but anytime I get on the phone, severe anxiety sets in.

Markos started the coaching on his own, and Steve was able to guide Markos into bringing me on board with it.

Maybe I will try that then, get the coaching alone at first. I am just happy for the opportunity!! She doesnt seem optimistic about the love coming back and is a little hesitant.

I guess we will start with love busters and the work sheets? Then move on to HNHN with the worksheets?

I got the folllowing:
Five steps
FILSIL
HNHN
Lovebusters

Have you done this?

The good news is, if there is no affair going on, you have a great chance of bringing the love back. Men have a very good chance of winning wives back, if they follow the program.

I believe Dr. Harley generally advices couples to start with HNHN and the worksheets, unless there is a real problem with lovebusters. He started me and Markos on Lovebusters because of the problems we were having.

Would your wife say that you have a problem with Anger? Disrespect? Demands? That you do things she doesn't like? Is she complaining that you are annoying or dishonest, and therefore cannot be around you anymore?

Or is her main complaint about neglect? That she doesn't feel cared for, that you never listen, that she's lonely and ignored, etc ...

Her reason for leaving was neglect, cared for, etc. So I am not really sure.

I did speak to the counselor and he said that he follows the theory of the love piggybank or something similar and has heard of Marriage Builders and he is pro-marriage and understands what I was saying about withdrawls and desposits.

It sounds like to me you should start with HNHN. It will take care of the problem of neglect.

Some articles that might help:

How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor

Why Women Leave Men

The big problem now is she says she has no desire for me and doesnt love...says she doesnt see how she could again that I busted her love bank from neglecting her for so long when she was trying.

That's why you need to fill her lovebank up again. HNHN will help you with that.

Have you read about UA time?
Start dating her.

Here's a good clip. Tell us what you think.
Radio Clip

Did you read those articles?

This website is full of Dr. Harley's plan for correcting the problem you are describing. You're going to need to become really educated in the materials on this site to learn how to turn this situation around. Dr. Harley has been showing couples how to fix this kind of situation for decades.

So, read the articles, and then reread again!

The great thing about Marriage Builders is that it works even if your wife does not believe it will work.

You just have to keep at it, sometimes in the face of adversity.

What would be the best kind of therapist/counselor to seek out if she wont agree to marriage builders counseling?

I have heard a lot of people recommend SFBT? Solution focused brief therapy (SFBT), Does that seem to be in line with what Dr. Harley uses?