Will be on the radio show tomorrow.

Yes, 9 weeks to go, though at 31 weeks today, this is my longest pregnancy to date. I would be shocked if I actually go full term. I don't know what happens after the baby, I just know that right now every time I try to talk to him or deal with this much at all, my blood pressure shoots up and I am jeopardizing my health. I would like to investigate further to be certain that he is continuing this relationship and if so, then I suppose there is no option other than Plan B.

The prenup- my father was not happy with the terms and helped me negotiate it to some extent. I would be provided for in the normal manner (in TX that means CS, but no alimony). I would receive some funds, but it would still mean moving and having to go to work and have my children in daycare. I know that is not the end of the world, but it is not how I plan to raise my family.

I am a child of divorce and even as an adult I still suffer the repercussions. Most notably my younger sister killed herself a year and a half ago, not entirely due to my parents divorce, but it was probably the most substantial factor. I do not want a divorce. WH is a fantastic father, a great provider, and I love him. I look around me and realize that he is far, far from the worst husband I know. But I do not want to live my life not trusting him and with an aching heart.

You're still a long way from needing to worry about a D.

Also, I'll save you a lot of trouble and snooping. He is still in contact. Is he breathing? Then he's still wayward.

How do I know?

If this had ended, he would be doing EVERYTHING in his power to show you that he was no longer in contact. So just base your plan on his waywardness, and proceed.

I would still recommend seeing an attorney, in the order that Pep outlined above. Ask about a separation, and what that would entail.

Also, at whatever point recovery is considered, I would make one of your top conditions a new agreement that replaces the prenup, and gives you whatever you need should he be unfaithful again.

PS Consulting with an attorney is not the same thing as worrying about a D. In fact, usually it's much closer to NOT worrying about a D, because then you know all the different possibilities.

If you signed that atrocious prenup against the advise of your father, perhaps he can still tell you what the ramifications of a LS would be. But please don't even consider remaining indefinitely with an active wayward just so you can continue to be a SAHM.

Being a SAHM mom is wonderful, and best for the kids....unless it means remaining in the house with an evil, mind-sucked alien, while their mother goes slowly crazy. He will either change very soon and enter R with you, or you'll need to separate yourself.

So I spoke with Dr Harley before, during and after the show. Sadly, even he sees little hope for my situation, at least at present. The option of my WH spending 20 hrs a day with me is not possible due to his work. I can't kick him out right now and don't want to b/c my kids would be devastated.

Dr Harley just said that until this baby is here and I am back up and running that we need to be room mates. So I get to have that charming chat with him tonight.

Emotionally, it's where I have been anyway since Saturday when I discovered they were having contact. He continues to lie about it, and of course that makes it much worse. On Sunday I combed through our cell phone records for the first time. It appears that they have had no cell contact since D day, however, I discovered that they have been in extreme contact as far back as the records go, which is December of 2011! He told me that it had only been for 6 months. This means it was going on during my last pregnancy as well and I have no idea how long before that. He claims that he speaks to and texts all his employees on their cells, and I know this to be true, but not nearly to the extent that is evident on the phone bill. He absolutely will not be honest with me about it. As if anyone contacts their employees 3-4 times per day and up to 25 text messages per day via their cell phone! I told him that he might as well ask me to believe there is a unicorn in the back yard.

I have no trust for him, and I am shutting down out of self preservation. I lost 6 lbs over the weekend and that is not good for a pregnancy! I can't see where this will be beneficial for our relationship, as a Plan B might, but it's simply the best I can do at present.

I just re read part of SAA and now I'm confused. Am I not still supposed to be in Plan A? It's been 10 weeks. He is totally having his cake, but going by the examples given in the book, it's like I'm supposed to keep going for a longer period. Of course, the man himself said to be room mates. Urghhh. Why is this so damn hard and why is it happening now?!

Women are only supposed to Plan A for up to six weeks (men are the ones meant to go for longer, as they are more resilient than women in general when it comes to the pain of Plan A). I would say it's time for Plan B for you.

I'm guessing the reason Dr. H said to be roomies till after the baby is born, is so that you don't have to deal with the stress of Plan A *OR* of a separation when your health is already so fragile.

You should not be in Plan A currently, given your health and the risk to the baby. As Pep said,
This does not at all undermine the universal advice to Plan A and then Plan B. It just acknowledges that, when it comes to the choice between your own health (and your baby's!) versus doing Plan A, your health has to win. You are a daughter of God, your body is His temple, and right now you are also the vessel for one of His most precious gifts to you. All that comes first.

It is far better to avoid lovebusters, avoid stress, and go straight to Plan B after your baby is born, than to sap away vital energies for a textbook Plan A.

The news about the length of the A is bad, but not surprising. He hasn't told you the truth about anything else. I'm sure it's extra hurtful to find out that it was going on when you had your last baby, too. There's nothing wrong with you, it's all him. And now that you know about it, you're going to be taking action to rid your life of the curse of adultery.

Yes, this is about his troubled soul not your deficiencies. Though none of us is perfect in marriage....he is the one who made choices to betray you BUT.......you only knew what he wanted you to know back then.

Focus on your pregnancy and bringing the new baby into the world with joy and deal with the mess your H made later.

As Neak said, not love busting but no focusing otherwise on Plan A as you continue your most important task of creating a new life.

Rise above it all for now. Rise above the drama to do the magic a woman does while preparing for a baby's arrival.

Thank you, the support means a lot. I told him yesterday on the phone (when he asked what was wrong), that I love him, but I just don't trust him. We did not have the "room mate" talk last night, but that was how we acted. He is being cold towards me, and I'm not sure why. I suppose b/c he is realizing that I have not bought this latest round of bull and he is not off Scott free? So I guess this is our course until baby.

I read your story yesterday and loved it! Very inspiring. Why are men so unoriginal? They all say and do the same things. Anyway, getting to read about the hell you have lived and how happy your family is now gives me some small measure of very needed hope.

Whoa. As a man I will try not to be offended by this. I know I am not like most men albeit maybe not totally original either.

If you meant a wayward man then I would say you need to change the word "men" to "waywards". Because waywards ALL say and do the same thing. Like it's a script or something.

The unoriginality of which you speak is more properly assigned to the category of "waywards" than to the category of "men". There are plenty of non-wayward men out there who would never inflict this kind of pain on anybody, much less our spouses. People do switch sides. Once the fog has dissipated, your WH may address the crushing guilt of what he has done by changing into a faithful spouse. My wife did. Your situation is not without hope.

I concur all waywards say the same things its called fog talk. Read other threads when you get a chance and your eyes will pop out of your head. I agree with Dr. Harley as he says these WS are like drug addicts. Heard your radio show talk and I am very sorry you have to go through this. I will pray for your family as there isn't any advice that hasn't been given to you.

My version of SAA recommends 6 months for plan a

Apparently the book was revised when Dr Harley saw that women cannot emotionally handle plan a for more than a couple weeks and we have outdated versions of the book

I am very sorry that your sister commited suicide.
I understand that you don't want a divorce.

One thing I have learned is that we can only control OUR behavior and actions.
We cannot control the behavior of others.
If your marriage ends in divorce it is your husband that is choosing divorce through his actions. Divorce is the natural consequence of adultery.

Apologies to the decent men! I did, of course, mean WH's. The "fog talk" is so shocking in its lack of originality and believability. My WH is a very intelligent man, so I would think that he could lie better, or at least have the decency to see when his lies are so transparent, but no.
We talked today and he told me that he was confused by my mixed signals and didn't know how to treat me. Fair enough, so I told him that we just had to function as parents , but not romantic partners until this baby arrives and then we can revisit our options for restoring our marriage. He says that this pause makes it difficult for long term planning (we are considering a move to a better school district), and I told him that he should have considered that when conducting his affair.
He is closer to being honest regarding the breaking of the NC rule, but still adamant that the A only lasted 6 months. I don't believe him, but is it important? I want honesty, but SAA seems to focus more on how to fix your relationship than on revealing all the details of the A. So should I try to get over that lie? I suppose it's a moot point for now.

Dr. Harley is for open and honesty in a marriage the fact he is still lying is a huge red flag. Has he done a NC letter? As long as he is lying you are not in recovery. Follow Dr. Harley's advice for the same of your health.

No, he has not done an NC letter. It was kind of impossible at first, b/c she was in our rental property, but is not impossible now. Once we resume our fight for this relationship after baby is born, that will be one of the conditions.

And a post nup with some teeth.