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We manage 12 to 13 hours of UA time a week You really, REALLY need to up these hours. 12 to 13 hours is nowhere near enough, and if you're not getting enough hours of UA, this program will not work. Will you do that?
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This is a great article, BH. It will give us something to talk about tonite 
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This is a great article, BH. It will give us something to talk about tonite Good, I'm glad. Think of good topics to come up with that you both enjoy or can discuss. Do you like to talk about movies, music, books, sports, vacations, gardening, health? What?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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We manage 12 to 13 hours of UA time a week You really, REALLY need to up these hours. 12 to 13 hours is nowhere near enough, and if you're not getting enough hours of UA, this program will not work. Will you do that? Dr. Harley has actually made the statement that the 15th hour seems like "magic." Couples that get 12, 13, 14, don't hit the romantic love threshold. But that fifteenth hour makes all the difference!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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We manage 12 to 13 hours of UA time a week You really, REALLY need to up these hours. 12 to 13 hours is nowhere near enough, and if you're not getting enough hours of UA, this program will not work. Will you do that? Will you do this?
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This is a great article, BH. It will give us something to talk about tonite In the online course, Dr. Harley actually gives an assignment to practice those concepts on conversation. The workbook has a weekly worksheet to fill out, and everything. You can coach your husband on how to make conversation enjoyable for you. (And vice versa - let him coach you on how to make it enjoyable for him, so that he'll want to do a LOT of it!)
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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He's very critical of me. Just this morning, I gave the 2 yr old some coffee and she spilled it. He said "That wasn't very smart". Then I was cleaning it up and he said "It's just going everywhere". Stuff like this all the time
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Did you guys read lovebusters? Together?
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Okay, sounds like he has a problem with Disrespectful Judgments. Will he follow Dr. Harley's plan to eliminate these, where you give him a record of the DJs he made each week and he strives to say nothing that you even interpret as disrespectful? Or does he want to argue and claim he isn't disrespectful?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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These are great complaints, feuillecouleur. It sounds like you are moving from withdrawal into conflict. And your complaints are very respectful! We can use this information to help your husband fix these problems.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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We have both read LB. I can't remember if we read it together but it was close to the same time.
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I haven't been keeping up with it and I do a poor job of telling him that what he just said to me hurt my feelings although I know he didn't mean for it to
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I'm sure he doesn't mean to as well, but disrespect is hard to recognize, especially when it is your own, and especially when it is a habit. It's going to be important for you to make a list. You don't have to tell him right then and there; Dr. Harley's program uses weekly worksheets, the goal being to get through a week with an empty worksheet (no DJs). An important thing I am looking for is his willingness to accept YOU and your feelings as the arbiter of whether he has made a DJ or not. If he argues with you that something is not disrespectful when you felt it was, that is not good; he needs to eliminate everything that YOU feel is disrespectful, even if he can't yet see why it's disrespectful. (He can post and we can help him figure it out, if he needs.) I was a DJ champion.  Very, very hard to understand them all and root them all out. I would go back and reread the disrespectful judgments chapter of Love Busters together.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Make sure that neither of you feels "I didn't mean to" means "it shouldn't hurt." We all presume he has good will and doesn't mean to be disrespectful, but just like accidentally stepping on your toes, it still hurts, and he needs to learn to watch for your toes so he can quit stepping on them! http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8507_fft.html
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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By the way, Dr. Harley's conversation chapter and materials also cover disrespectful judgments. DJs are one of the four enemies of good conversation.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Yes, markos, I need to start keeping up with it by making a list. I think I am now in a place where I can feel like I'm being heard if I make "It bothers me..." or "I would love it if..." statements. Before, I almost felt like I would get a "well you really shouldn't feel that way" reaction or the silent treatment.
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Make sure that neither of you feels "I didn't mean to" means "it shouldn't hurt." We all presume he has good will and doesn't mean to be disrespectful, but just like accidentally stepping on your toes, it still hurts, and he needs to learn to watch for your toes so he can quit stepping on them! http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8507_fft.htmlOk, now I just used those exact 2 statements yesterday! "You know that's not what I meant to say" "You just heard me wrong"
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Make sure that neither of you feels "I didn't mean to" means "it shouldn't hurt." We all presume he has good will and doesn't mean to be disrespectful, but just like accidentally stepping on your toes, it still hurts, and he needs to learn to watch for your toes so he can quit stepping on them! http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8507_fft.htmlOk, now I just used those exact 2 statements yesterday! "You know that's not what I meant to say" "You just heard me wrong" Yeah, you have to stop it, too!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Yes, markos, I need to start keeping up with it by making a list. I think I am now in a place where I can feel like I'm being heard if I make "It bothers me..." or "I would love it if..." statements. Before, I almost felt like I would get a "well you really shouldn't feel that way" reaction or the silent treatment. That's a pretty common way for people to be. I know that's what I used to do to Prisca *ALL* *THE* *TIME*. I would try to debate and "persuade" her why it wasn't a big deal. And of course it doesn't work in marriage at all!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Looks like we should both be keeping a list! :0
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