If she does not agree, I would:
* start taking antidepressants
* become a Marriage Builders Daily radio show listener
* seek out relaxation therapy to learn to overcome anger and stay calm in the face of frustration

No I meant the best kind of Marriage Counselor if I cannot get her on board with the Marriage Builders counselors.

I have been reading alot about SFBT counselors as opposed to typical run of the mill "lets talk about our problems" SBFT counselors are focused on therapy and situations to fix things.

I really don't know anything about SFBT. Have you read this article:
How To Find a Good Marriage Counselor

It's a pretty good guide to finding a marriage counselor outside of marriage builders. Here's a summery below. Will SFBT counselors meet these guidelines?

And you should still do these things. You've got some hard work ahead of you.

Would a counselor that believes in Gottman and Love bank theory a good counselor?

What happened to this proposal?

I wouldn't take the crapshoot of looking for another counselor.

I would suggest this:

Get yourself a PhD level education in Marriage Builders, using all the free resources here, especially the radio program. You won't pay a cent and it will be worth more to you than seeing any counselor.

The radio show has been my primary resource in recovering our marriage, particularly when my wife was not motivated to read this site or see any counseling herself.

Rather than focusing on getting anyone into counseling, if I were you, I would start listening to that show.

Okay, this is not a rhetorical question. If you can't be motivated to even read the articles on this site, a for-pay counselor will not be able to help you.

Two of the biggest obstacles you are going to have to overcome to save your marriage are motivation and education.

So: motivate yourself to get educated!

Correction: I apologize; I had you mixed up with yesterday's radio caller to Dr. Harley's show, who was advised to work really hard on overcoming angry outbursts. If this is not an issue for you, then disregard this.

Who says I havent read them? I read them! lol

Well, I asked, you know. It's good to be answered.

Have you listened to the radio show?

MML,

I would save my money if I knew then what I know now. Most MC's simply don't work or work so slow most M's run out of gas before they recover. My W and I saw a counselor and while we felt better leaving the counseling we never implemented new behaviors. There was no real plan. No set goals. No teamwork type concept.

What you�ve posted so far sounds similar to what I did around here for almost 10 years. I avoided doing what the posters suggested. Get some MB materials. Get into MB counseling. I ignored that advice � I mean I heard them but I didn�t heed their advice. And I struggled to the point I became so withdrawn � as did my W. Once we began to implement this program with Dr Jennifer Chalmers within a very, very short time things changed for the better for us.

If she won�t join you do it yourself. The MB counselor will help you bring your W on board. Do yourself a favor and set up an appt with Dr. J or her brother Steve Harley. Let them guide you through this program. Once you are able to get your wife involved ( and you will) you will see quick results which is paramount considering you�ve got 6 months to make a difference.

The biggest thing your W will notice about this program is that it is a plan. A plan that deals with all the dynamics that arise as issues in a M. It has built in accountability because you will practice PORH. A plan that handles issues as a team because you will implement POJA. A plan that each person gets what they want out of the M because you communicate needs and work together to eliminate lovebusters.

What other counselor is going to give you that plan � a plan that your W can see and will develop trust from?