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Reading your post and what you endured you should change that screen name. I concur with the letter as well. She is trying to make you get angry with him so he can find solace in her. Send that letter.
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I have placed a GPS on his car that I can track from my cell. I also activated a GPS on his phone. While he was sleeping. So he doesn't even know that it's on there. (for now anyway.) as long as he keeps his phone on. which he always does. I can see where he is at random times. Any time of the day. :-D
Also.... I have a question.. The OW started sending me emails. I told her to leave me alone but she kept saying things to hurt me. "He never had any complaints with me." "He Loved every min. of it." then she said a couple of things that I don't know how to feel about them...
She said, "We have been seeing each other on and off for a couple of years. He's a [censored] for lying to not only you but me as well." Next Email... " He told me he loved me. He also told me he loved you more... but he said he loved me MORE THAN A FRIEND!"
Then the next one... "You have him wrapped around your finger. He does everything you tell him to do. That's not a REAL MAN. Did you take his phone away from him too?"
I think that she thinks the more things she sends me...that I'm going to just kick him out right now. Because to me it sounds like she's been trying to get ahold of him. And he isn't answering her. And it also sounds like maybe there were times she wanted them to get together and he said I can't My Wife asked me to do... Whatever. Or she wanted him to not leave after and he did to come home. I don't know how to take this.
I BTW have started just sending her messages to a folder i created in my email. I called it work so he has no clue. But I can't read anymore. She is helping to completely break me and I can't keep doing this. 1. She is crazy. Never argue with a crazy person. 2. Copy all messages from her and REPORT this to your local law enforcement authorities. 3. NEVER respond to her. EVER! 4. (this is an educated guess) WH is scared sheet-less that OW is going to spill the beans to you and he has been blackmailed into silence. Repeat #1 over & over.
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PS:
OW may become violent.
Be aware of your surroundings at all times.
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NO... WH isn't silent. On the contrary he said to me, "I want to rebuild our marriage. I F'd up. I love you." When I asked him about what she's been saying he said, "I put it all out there yesterday. I felt so very ashamed saying those words to you. But I did. You keep letting her get to you. I promise I haven't talked to her since this all went down. But now I have to battle with what shes saying because she keep messaging you and fueling your anger." " I don't want to lose my family. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know I screwed up. There is no excuse for those actions. Especially when you've done nothing wrong to me.You've been an amazing Wife and Mother."
So confused... He sounds like he care stills. And I want desperately to believe him... But there is soooo much history.
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So, do you want to try to recover, or not?
You do not have to desperately believe anything.
You do need proof.
He needs to demonstrate that his words are not empty & meaningless.
Have WH go with you to the police to file the complaint against OW.
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Have WH go with you to the police to file the complaint against OW.
...EXCELLENT idea, Pep!
(Hope all is okay on your end BTW).
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I R genus 
Last edited by Pepperband; 04/11/13 03:02 PM.
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I don't want to lose my family. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know I screwed up. There is no excuse for those actions. Especially when you've done nothing wrong to me.You've been an amazing Wife and Mother."
So confused... He sounds like he care stills. And I want desperately to believe him... But there is soooo much history. Words are meaningless. Look at his ACTIONS. Has your WH written a NC letter for you to approve and mail? The letter needs to be HANDWRITTEN by him and MAILED by you. That way OW knows that your WH wrote it himself.. not you. Make sure there are no apologies to the OW or any other closure crap. OM,
The relationship I had with you was thoughtless and cruel. It hurt many people, particularly my spouse, who did not deserve to be treated that way. I am committed to my marriage and determined to make up for all the hurt I've caused my family. I am going to work hard to be the best wife that he deserves.
Because of the terrible offense to my spouse and the damage I have done to our marriage, I am permanently ending all contact with you. Please respect my wish to regain my integrity, and to heal my family. Please also respect my wish that you not attempt to contact me in any way at any time.
My spouse has all the details of our relationship and he will also be told of any attempts at contact.
Sincerely,
Last edited by pokerface; 04/11/13 05:10 PM.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Who on the OW side have you EXPOSED to? Can you find her parents? Have you read this? EXPOSURE 101 This is your most powerful tool in killing the affair and the fantasy they are living under. Affairs thrive on secrecy. They are not so much fun when everyone is watching you and you must explain yourself to your peers. OW keeps contacting you because she CAN. She has no one to answer to at this point and most likely feels that she has nothing to lose. You need to change that by taking actions that will give her consequences. Do not engage OW in her lame e-mails...just keep sending them to that folder in case you need them.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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The OW tried contacting my WH. She sent him an email that said,"Why are you ignoring me? I said I'm sorry! What else can I do to make this right?" I told him to respond... And I watched as he did so. He said Im trying to work on my marriage. Don't contact me anymore. She responded the next day with FINE. I would love to go to counseling. but I dont think that we can afford it. So I am going to check into this church we have went to a couple times. Sometimes the pastors will sit down with couples and provide a type of MC. So are there any suggestions at how I can ever get back to thinking of him the same way. I love him but I'm scared to get hurt again. I've had 3 children all C-Section... and this is STILL the worst pain of my life. And as I told him.... I can not...WILL NOT go through this again!
F.Y.I. I feel like I am a paranoid freak. Because instead of having my email and facebook linked to my phone I have his. So I get all the same messages as he does. Does this ever stop?
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The OW tried contacting my WH. She sent him an email that said,"Why are you ignoring me? I said I'm sorry! What else can I do to make this right?" I told him to respond... And I watched as he did so. He said Im trying to work on my marriage. Don't contact me anymore. She responded the next day with FINE. I would love to go to counseling. but I dont think that we can afford it. So I am going to check into this church we have went to a couple times. Sometimes the pastors will sit down with couples and provide a type of MC. So are there any suggestions at how I can ever get back to thinking of him the same way. I love him but I'm scared to get hurt again. I've had 3 children all C-Section... and this is STILL the worst pain of my life. And as I told him.... I can not...WILL NOT go through this again!
F.Y.I. I feel like I am a paranoid freak. Because instead of having my email and facebook linked to my phone I have his. So I get all the same messages as he does. Does this ever stop? He needs to change all his contact information. Have you seen this? My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent [from SAA, pg 58] OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship. Sincerely, XXXXX
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Did you do this? So, do you want to try to recover, or not?
You do not have to desperately believe anything.
You do need proof.
He needs to demonstrate that his words are not empty & meaningless.
Have WH go with you to the police to file the complaint against OW. Who on OW's side did you expose?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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The OW tried contacting my WH. She sent him an email that said,"Why are you ignoring me? I said I'm sorry! What else can I do to make this right?" I told him to respond... And I watched as he did so. He said Im trying to work on my marriage. Don't contact me anymore. She responded the next day with FINE. I would love to go to counseling. but I dont think that we can afford it. So I am going to check into this church we have went to a couple times. Sometimes the pastors will sit down with couples and provide a type of MC. So are there any suggestions at how I can ever get back to thinking of him the same way. I love him but I'm scared to get hurt again. I've had 3 children all C-Section... and this is STILL the worst pain of my life. And as I told him.... I can not...WILL NOT go through this again!
F.Y.I. I feel like I am a paranoid freak. Because instead of having my email and facebook linked to my phone I have his. So I get all the same messages as he does. Does this ever stop? Do you know HOW to respond to what has been posted to you? Do not start typing in the quick reply box. Each post has some "buttons" at the bottom right. You can click "reply" and a new reply box will open. When you respond in this way, the format will tell us (once you hit reply) to whom you are responding. Another "button" at the bottom of each post is "quote". That will open a new reply box and include the entire reply to which you are responding. For now, I recommend you hit "quote" when you are responding to a particular person. If you don't do this, it feels like we are being ignored, and you will stop receiving responses. Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply Quick Quote Notify Email Post
Last edited by Pepperband; 04/17/13 10:29 AM.
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Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply Quick Quote Notify Email Post You can e-mail a post??? I never realized that! LOL. sorry...carry on 
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Actually I didn't know how to do that... so thank you! I do want to say that we have not went to the police station yet.And she hasn't made contact again. That doesn't mean that I'm going to stop watching my surroundings. or that I'm not going to go to the police station. It just feels so overwhelming. And I have 3 kids that I do everything for. On top of a full time job. A sick Father living with me. And now this. It just feels like the only thing I have time for is hurt/anger. And ALOT of PRAYING. I know that God doesn't like divorce. So I'm trying to be that right person. I know it's just going to take ALOT of time.
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Actually I didn't know how to do that... so thank you! You're welcome! You will get the hang of it. If you only use the "quick reply" box, you will miss all the fun ways to change up the color & the font and add smilies. The yellow smilie face just above the reply box ... if you click on him you can add   things to help you express the emotions behind your words. The next one is the link box. Looks like a paper clip in front of a tiny blue globe.If you click that one, you get a small place to paste in a link. Once you enter the address, a second blank box appears so you can call the link anything you want. Such as LINK to BASIC CONCEPTS . You can play with color by clicking the letter A with the little rainbow under it. There is more .... but once you get used to not using the "quick reply" box, things get easier & more interesting. If you hover your pointing arrow over any of the tools, you can see what is does.
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I see all of that now... Again Thanks!  And I know that this isn't that big of a deal but I got him to agree to go to CHURCH with me! That in itself is a huge accomplishment for him. I have also decided that I'm going to do something for myself now as well. I'm a bigger girl. I've never been happy with me. It's time to stop that. I'm getting the gastric bypass surgery. So I can start over. Be a new person. and if things don't work out the way I pray they do  then at least I'll have the confidence needed to approach the rest of my life. 
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Sounds like you have made positive plans. Good for you.
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Sounds like you have made positive plans. Good for you. THANKS SO MUCH! I'm trying. Does it ever get easier?
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Depends on what "it" is. Breaking bad habits is never easy. Self discipline is a healthy habit for all of us. Living an undisciplined life seems "easy" .... but there is a greater reward and sense of satisfaction/accomplishment for hard work. The necessary correction for 'low self esteem' is hard work. "Look what I made happen" ..... puff with pleasure and pride.
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