HI ALL,<BR> I think I may have good news. I may just be an hopeless optimist. Tell me what you think.<BR> My W's Father has cancer and not long to live. Although W is living with OM (in the bubble) She hardly called to even see how her Mother was doing the last week or so. I am in plan "A" and I called to tell her her father went from 210 lbs. to 150 lbs. 5 days ago. <BR> At first she barked and said "I know my Fathers sick I don't need YOU to tell me!!" She called back the next day after calling her mother tearfully thanking me for "Putting a fire under my A**" "I didn't realize how quickly it spread"<BR> Two days I called and told her that her mother would need her help because her father was JUST that day admitted into the hospital. AGAIN the barking!! "My Mother VERY strong and doesn't want any help" "She told me if she needed me she'd call!!" <BR> <BR> I got in my car and drove the 1 1/2 to my MIL's house right after I hung up. Not because I was looking for "Brownie" points Because it was the "RIGHT" thing to do. She is a wonderful 75 yr. old woman that I love dearly and I didn't think she should be alone. I thought it would be a lovebuster because it would make W feel guilty and bark again.<BR> <BR> W called and with the sweetest voice in weeks again thanked me and saying, " I guess you were right, she enjoyed your visit sooo much she mentioned it twice and said she would take all the help she could get" <P> Monday, I drove down and took her up to the hospital. Again, because it's 40 min each way, she's 75 and IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.<BR> Another call from W. Even sweeter thanking me and FINALLY telling me that she was going down to help. <BR> She even stayed an extra day!!<P> Now, here's where I need your input the most. Called MIL this morning to ask about some tests. Was surprised that W was still there!! W got on the phone and filled me in on fathers progress.<BR> W and MIL were to meet with the social workers today so I TOLD W I would come down. At first she said I didn't have to but I told her 3 minds were better than 2 and I may pick up something they missed (especially in her confused state ) I said if you dot want me to I won't. She said "I won't say come or stay home it's up to you"<BR> I showed up with VERY low expectations and just wanted to help. When I came in the room W's face lit up!! I kissed/hugged my MIL hello then my W. <BR> I went out to get them coffee and W followed me outside and we had a nice conversation. <BR> She then told me the temporary apt she and OM are living in is sold and she had to be out by Nov 23rd, I asked were she would go now and she said "I don't know"<BR> I TOOK A SHOT!! I said "Baby, why don't you just come home?"<BR> Now EVER OTHER TIME I EVEN CAME CLOSE TO SUGGESTING THIS SHE SAID "It's NOT my home it's yours!!!!!" (I asked her to leave on discovery and changed the locks BEFORE I found this site!!!) I will NEVER go back there, I HATE that place" "To many BAD memories" ETC..... VERY admint about it.<BR> <BR> THIS TIME she very weakly said "But I dot want to come home" (Kind of whinny like a kid you tell to go to bed) "I don't want any stress" <BR> I put my hand on her cheek and said "No more stress, we can work it out now" "Just think about it" SHE SAID NOTHING. Just kind of smiled.<BR> <BR> NOW the other thing is W MIL and I went for dinner after we left the hospital. During dinner discussing her father going home tomorrow. MY MIL says she will be OK tomorrow, and that I didn't need to come down. (in a FIRM voice) And that W is GOING HOME IN THE MORNING TO STRAIGHTEN HER LIFE OUT!!<BR> When W went to bathroom I asked my MIL "Her going home to straighten her LIFE out, did that mean what I HOPE it means?"<BR> My MIL said "We had a long talk last night and I TOLD her what she needed to do" W showed up right then and I couldn't get deeper but I knew what she meant.<BR> When we left W HUGGED ME first and thanked me again and said "We'll talk soon" and I kissed her goodbye.<P> I think she's softening????? Or am I reaching???? Please comment!! THANKS FRANK<BR><P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles<BR>Yes you were so right to help your MIL and FIL with FIL's illness.<BR>Yes this is very hopeful, but nothing is certain in this life, especially with the OM pulling your W awat from you.<BR>But these life and death events can really wake people up.<BR>We were in the midst of discussing how our children would best cope with the end of our marriage when we got a call to say that our daughter's best friend's mother had found her dear little boy dead.<BR>I trully believe that little boys death saved our marriage.<BR>Life is so precious, children are so vulnerable, the charms of the OW paled in comparison to my H's responsibilities.<P>However it took 7 more months for him to severe the tie. So yes this is a hopeful sign, but it doesn't necessarily mean its all going to be plain sailing from here.<BR>I went straight into Plan A, my H still couldn't find whatever it took to give up the OW and I just couldn't ask him to leave when my daughter was in such distress, nor could I be mean to him. Then after Christmas I switched to Plan B, very lovingly and non-confrontational.<P>Hope this is of some help.<BR>

Yes Frank, I think it is a good day <P>Your W sounds MUCH softer than in the recent past, and I think it sounds very much like she just might be cracking!<P>I know how much you love her, and hope that she comes to her senses and comes home.<P>You are a good man to be there for the inlaws. You're right, it is the RIGHT thing to do!<P>Hang in there, I see good things in the very near future! <P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Frank,<P>Safe to say this is progress. No more demands. Only options. Demands take away love, but options are giving love. <P>Continue to do what is right, not what other people think you should do. You instinctively know what is right and what is wrong. Make sure the choices you make are the right ones.<P>Be very consistent, but keep those expectations very low. Your wife may be beginning to see the light, but the affair is something very hard to get away from. Keep doing the perfect plan A. It is working.<P>TNT

It is difficult to go wrong when you are doing what is right. Good for you.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>

IMO,<BR> OH my God!! I'm so sorry to hear (even now) about your daughter's best friend's mother's little boy!! It really does put things into perspective! How old was he (not that it really matters) just curious. <BR> I agree these things can shake things up, but you're right. The pull is STRONG. Thank IMO for your help. I won't get "cocky" I've been let down before.<P><BR>NB,<BR> Thanks for the kind words Cheryl. As usual you lift my spirts. I forgot one other "good"?? thing. At dinner, she kept offering me things off her plate (we always liked to pick although it's not good manners ) She even fed me a couple of things to let me try them. I figure this is intimate isn't it? <BR> <BR> I also think that God is doing a "SMASHING" job keeping them from "landing" and she may be thinking it's not "meant" to be.<BR> Things keep coming up to bring "US" closer. Not them. I while back she told me that she prayed to God for a sign that if this was a mistake, the condo they were trying to get into would fall through. It did. Now who knows what "good" thing SATAN will throw at her to make her change her mind again. Some LIE and slight of hand. The truth will win out in the long run. I'm sure of it!! Glad to here YOUR good news too Sheryl. God is working HARD for you too!! Keep in touch. FRANK<P><BR>THANKS TNT,<BR> I agree I can't slip even IF?WHEN the NEXT hurdle comes. Plan "A" is who I am anyway. Kind of like Muhammad Ali playing himself in his life story. <BR>THANKS FRANK<P> Lori,<P> Yes, that's my new plan. Weither W gets upset or not, I HAVE to keep doing the "right" thing. I answer to GOD not my W!! THANKS FRANK<BR><P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

Hi PH -<P>This sounds great!! It's strange how family crisis' can pull things together sometimes......<P>Just take it slow and easy.....remember about the no stress talk!!! The less the better!!<P>I will be praying for you and your wife and also your MIL/FIL!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba<P>

Thanks Sheba,<P> It's funny alright, in a sad way. I'll take it slow. No stress, no pushing. I wish it happened tonight!! Well, baby steps. I just hope OM dosen't talk herr out of it. THANKS FOR THE PRAYERS. You'll be in mine. FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

Frank,<P>I am PULLING for you! Sounds like she is definitely softening and rethinking her current position. Your attitude toward her is wonderful and will make it "safer" for her to come home.<P>I agree with others...it may yet take a whiloe longer. But, you are seeing progress so keep the faith!!!<P>Roll Me Away

RMA,<BR> Thanks YOU are right about the "WHILE LONGER" She hasn't called in TWO DAYS now. I bet ONE LOOK at OM and the "I MISSED YOU SH** train was rolling again. I guess the fantasy is ON again.<BR> It's REALLY frusrtating!!! She avoids me like the plaque because she KNOWS she feels something when we're together!! If I could see her for 3 days in a row, she'd be BUTTER.<P> Well, if God keeps the road blocks coming, the 23rd of Nov will be here sooner than SHE thinks.<BR> <P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

Hey Frank... it's this quote that got to me:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If I could see her for 3 days in a row, she'd be BUTTER<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That's so cute <P>I'm SOOOO rooting for you!!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Frank and Sheryl,<P>All that "butter" talk is getting to me ...<P>Roll Me Away

Hey Sheryl,<BR> HA! It's true though!! She RUNS from this!! <BR> I BELIEVE she's always loved me. I mean REALLY. She just fights the "Butter Maker" now!! <BR> Thanks for the ROOTING!! ME TOO FOR YOU GUYS!! FRANK<P>I think everyone on this board should go on a cruise together someday, let's say 5 years from now when we are all "THERE".<BR> Kind of like a "Heart School Reunion!! <BR> <BR> We would be the REAL "LOVE BOAT" <BR> <BR> I feel so much of everyone's pain here. <BR> WHAT A CELEBRATION it would be!!!!!!<P> LOTS OF HUGS AND TEARS (happy for a change)I BET!! <P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

A cruise would be SO neato! Yeah, I could see it... for sure!<P>August is hurricane season around the Bahamas, so let's shoot for June, 2004!!!<P>RMA, By the way, we could bring some cocoa <B>butter</B> LOL <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited November 06, 1999).]

JUNE 2004 it is!! Anyone else want on the REAL LOVE BOAT? I'll bring enough cocoa butter for all!! <P> <BR> <P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

Wouldn't it be cool to do that in 2004? Maybe we could even get Patty and Gavin McClowd (spelling...???) to go with us.<P>Captain on the LoveBoat and Patty and their restored marriage gives me so much hope.<P>I vote for sending Marriage Builders to their "Back on Course" Show, and we start trying to find a travel agent.<P>Wouldn't that be cool? I'd love to see all my cyber friends in real life, and I don't want to wait to get to heaven to do it!!!<P>I mean it, you MB friends have been some of the best I have had in my life. <P>God bless you, Frank and all of us.<BR>

Frank, you put on your travel agent hat and give Gavin and Patti a call... <P>I'll arrange the entertainment, TNT, you are in charge of the tours off the ship (I vote for some secluded beach somewhere off St. Thomas!)... now who else?... who could we get to do the menu (lots of pop tarts and bacon! )<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

OK We have St. Thomas and LOTS of cocoa butter. How many cabins should I book. I figure about 20. <P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>