Welcome to the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Yes, I have talked to his wife. I talk to her all the time on facebook. I have not talked to his parents, but she has told me his parents are very very upset.
Hmm, interesting.. being repentant isn't necessary to save the marriage? I must be missing something.
Me: BH, 28 WW, 26 Married September 2005 D-Day: April 7, 2013 A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
Sorry I am spamming this thread, but another thing I should mention. From my objective perspective, she is in complete denial about the reasons she left me. She thinks it has NOTHING to do with the OM. Her own words: "Me and OJ(me), and me and OM are two completely different things."
We know this. An affair is an addiction so she has justified it in her mind. That is CLASSIC affair behavior. She rewrites history in an attempt to justify it.
All affairees act the same. It is classic behavior.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Yes, I have talked to his wife. I talk to her all the time on facebook. I have not talked to his parents, but she has told me his parents are very very upset.
Hmm, interesting.. being repentant isn't necessary to save the marriage? I must be missing something.
Will your parents go with you to visit his parents? If they can't/won't, I would get in your car and go there.
Have you exposed to the OM's facebook friends? How old is this piece of crap?
And don't worry about the remorse part. You are not going to get remorse out of a falling down drunk. It isn't necessary to save your marriage. Just trust us on this. We believe in remorse, but you aren't going to get it from a FEMALE wayward.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Thanks for the support thus far guys. You guys are awesome. So if not persuading her to go to counseling, what next?
Nuclear response to try and end the affair. Melody it would be appropriate I think to bring out the "video"
Here is the message you need to send to this POS:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Yes, I have talked to his wife. I talk to her all the time on facebook. I have not talked to his parents, but she has told me his parents are very very upset.
Hmm, interesting.. being repentant isn't necessary to save the marriage? I must be missing something.
Will your parents go with you to visit his parents? If they can't/won't, I would get in your car and go there.
Have you exposed to the OM's facebook friends? How old is this piece of crap?
And don't worry about the remorse part. You are not going to get remorse out of a falling down drunk. It isn't necessary to save your marriage. Just trust us on this. We believe in remorse, but you aren't going to get it from a FEMALE wayward.
If I go see his parents, what should I say?
Also, I have tried to get contact information for the OM's friends, but his wife's side of the family won't give me the information because they don't want to stir up anymore than they have to - since they have already decided to get divorced.
Last edited by OddJob123; 05/03/1309:18 AM.
Me: BH, 28 WW, 26 Married September 2005 D-Day: April 7, 2013 A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
I would add the PASTOR to the list of people to meet with. Your job is raise holy unmitigated hell in the OM's life. OM are cowards and worms and it doesn't take a lot to run them off.
You should be contacting everyone you can possibly find.
Have your wife's parents spoken to him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Ask for their help in persuading their scummy son to leave your wife alone.
Quote
Also, I have tried to get contact information for the OM's friends, but his wife's side of the family won't give me the information because they don't want to stir up anymore than they have to - since they have already decided to get divorced.
Can you find him on facebook?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
An affair is an addiction every bit as strong as any other narcotic, so your WW is literally not herself, just like crack addicts who will do ANYTHING to get another high.
If the OM has children they need to be told as well.
What is the OMs age, sounds like he is a seasoned older cheater who works a system with women. Find out from OMW if this has happened before.
He's in his mid 20's. I believe he is still living at home, and his wife moved out to her parents maybe? I am not sure on that. His pastor (bishop) is actually his Dad. I wish I had a way to contact all of his friends and family. The one's that I know at this point have been uncooperative in giving me that information.
Me: BH, 28 WW, 26 Married September 2005 D-Day: April 7, 2013 A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
He's in his mid 20's. I believe he is still living at home, and his wife moved out to her parents maybe? I am not sure on that. His pastor (bishop) is actually his Dad. I wish I had a way to contact all of his friends and family. The one's that I know at this point have been uncooperative in giving me that information.
Does he have a facebook page? Have you checked to see if he just has you blocked?
Will his wife not help you kill this affair by giving you contact information? This would be to her benefit too, because if you can kill the affair, she won't have to deal with your wife in the future.
And without re-reading this thread, have you exposed to her entire family? Will they help you in killing the affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
He has since deleted his facebook account, as has my wife. There are no children involved on both sides.
I was able to find a google plus account for the OM. I was able to send about 4 messages out to people that know him, one of which had his same last name. Don't know how good that will do, but it is something.
Now to find out how to contact his parents.. Hmm..
Me: BH, 28 WW, 26 Married September 2005 D-Day: April 7, 2013 A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
He has since deleted his facebook account, as has my wife. There are no children involved on both sides.
I was able to find a google plus account for the OM. I was able to send about 4 messages out to people that know him, one of which had his same last name. Don't know how good that will do, but it is something.
Now to find out how to contact his parents.. Hmm..
Can you call his wife and get the contact information?
And have you signed up as someone else on facebook to see if they just have you blocked?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Trying to find a lawyer that is experienced with alienation of affection cases currently. Everyone I've talked to so far says they've never done a case like that.
Me: BH, 28 WW, 26 Married September 2005 D-Day: April 7, 2013 A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
Trying to find a lawyer that is experienced with alienation of affection cases currently. Everyone I've talked to so far says they've never done a case like that.
Another way to go is to SUE the company for enabling this workplace affair. I would check on that too.
Do you know his parents names? Have you checked directory assistance? Do you know what church the father pastors?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
In what legal jurisdiction (state, province, country) do you reside?
Are you prepared to create a [censored]-storm at their employer's to bring this to a head?
Also, start ruining her life - the life that facilitated her cheating choices.
Cancel all credits cards she has.
Isolate all other financial assets from her access.
If her vehicle is titled to you, find it, pull the plates, and cancel the insurance.
Change the locks in your home.
I will change the locks. I hadn't thought about kicking her out of the home. And the car's title I think is under both our names, so I can't do anything about that. I already got her to sign over the house titles to me though, which is HUGE.
Me: BH, 28 WW, 26 Married September 2005 D-Day: April 7, 2013 A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
She was going to pay the mortgage this month on the old house because she is staying there. Should I just tell her I want her out in a week, I will pay for the mortgage? If I kick her out she definitely won't pay, heh.
Me: BH, 28 WW, 26 Married September 2005 D-Day: April 7, 2013 A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
