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I live in Utah.
The lawyer I talked to seemed to think I wouldn't have a case against the company. Should I get a second opinion? Are you Mormon? Is OM Mormon? I'm assuming the answer is yes, since you referred to him as a bishop. If he's the bishop of an LDS ward, it shouldn't be too hard to find him. And he could be a great ally for you, considering the ramifications this affair will have on his son's standing in the church.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Dude, your chances are worse than most here because: - Your WW is independently employed.
- She has access to a jointly-owned domicile that you cannot ban her from.
- You have no children.
- POSOM has no cares about ending his marriage.
- WW is immaturely living in a fantasy-land.
- You appear to be a nice guy.
Do not worry about any "resentment" she might feel if the affair blows up on her. FIRST BLOW THE DAMN THING UP! To REALLY ruin her life, I'd lock up the house you're currently in, tight as a drum, and go move into the house she's set up as her sex-palace! It's your house too, isn't it? (Do it when she's not there, breaking in if you have to.) and let her return to find you baking brownies. This will at least eliminate the second and sixth bullets above.
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Joined: Nov 2010
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I live in Utah.
The lawyer I talked to seemed to think I wouldn't have a case against the company. Should I get a second opinion? If you have proof you can divorce on the grounds of adultery in Utah.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Dude, your chances are worse than most here because: - Your WW is independently employed.
- She has access to a jointly-owned domicile that you cannot ban her from.
- You have no children.
- POSOM has no cares about ending his marriage.
- WW is immaturely living in a fantasy-land.
- You appear to be a nice guy.
Do not worry about any "resentment" she might feel if the affair blows up on her. FIRST BLOW THE DAMN THING UP! To REALLY ruin her life, I'd lock up the house you're currently in, tight as a drum, and go move into the house she's set up as her sex-palace! It's your house too, isn't it? (Do it when she's not there, breaking in if you have to.) and let her return to find you baking brownies. This will at least eliminate the second and sixth bullets above. OMG this is such a good idea. Also, she makes like $11/hour... I really wouldn't call that independent.
Last edited by OddJob123; 05/03/13 12:24 PM.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Hmm.. If I move into that house though, she will probably just leave and find her own place, then refuse to help pay the mortgage. Still think it's worth it? I mean I CAN afford it if I had to.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Hmm.. If I move into that house though, she will probably just leave and find her own place, then refuse to help pay the mortgage. Still think it's worth it? I mean I CAN afford it if I had to. That would be a GREAT IDEA because you would make it harder for her to carry on her affair. If she leaves and finds her own place, that will put more pressure on her affair. You shouldn't be providing their affair lair. And you really need to go speak the OM's father.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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When I do all this, what ends up saving the marriage? What will her state of mind be when she wants to reconcile? If not regretful? The way you end up saving the marriage is to kill the affair. That is your only chance. Her state of mind will return to normal if you can do that. It is the same as taking the crack pipe away from the crack head. He might be furious when you take it away, but when he sobers up he will thank you!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Another value in talking ot the OM's father is it allows you to tell your wife there is no future with the OM's family because his family will never accept her affair. Tell her that the OM's family all knows about the affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Trying to find a lawyer that is experienced with alienation of affection cases currently. Everyone I've talked to so far says they've never done a case like that. Also note that in Utah Adultery is taken into account when alimony and child support/custody issues as decided.
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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I live in Utah.
The lawyer I talked to seemed to think I wouldn't have a case against the company. Should I get a second opinion? Are you Mormon? Is OM Mormon? I'm assuming the answer is yes, since you referred to him as a bishop. If he's the bishop of an LDS ward, it shouldn't be too hard to find him. And he could be a great ally for you, considering the ramifications this affair will have on his son's standing in the church. And the Bishop/fathers status within the community
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
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...and find her own place...  Really? "Hello, Mr. (probably-strict-Mormon) Landlord. I want to rent a place from you. I have no furniture, no references, am a well-known adulteress, work at a subsistence-level job making $11 per hour, and probably do not have the security deposit to initiate our transaction. Whaddaya say?"
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...and find her own place... Really? "Hello, Mr. (probably-strict-Mormon) Landlord. I want to rent a place from you. I have no furniture, no references, am a well-known adulteress, work at a subsistence-level job making $11 per hour, and probably do not have the security deposit to initiate our transaction. Whaddaya say?" Hah, ya.. I think she just wants to rent a room from someone somewhere. I am highly highly considering moving back into the house she is in after talking with you guys. In all reality if I moved into the old house, she would probably just move in with her OM, even though she says that's not what she wants to do. Maybe that would be a good thing though, because she'd probably get sick of him faster. The guy is a complete douche bag.
Last edited by OddJob123; 05/03/13 01:05 PM.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 2,803
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In all reality if I moved into the old house, she would probably just move in with her OM, even though she says that's not what she wants to do.
Maybe that would be a good thing though, because she'd probably get sick of him faster. The guy is a complete douche bag. If he still lives at home, and he is indeed Mormon, and his father is a bishop, this scenario seems highly unlikely. His parents certainly wouldn't let her move into their home, and if OM still lives there, it's probably because he can't afford to live on his own. If your WW only earns $11 an hour, it seems unlikely that she would be able to support them either.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 513
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OP
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In all reality if I moved into the old house, she would probably just move in with her OM, even though she says that's not what she wants to do.
Maybe that would be a good thing though, because she'd probably get sick of him faster. The guy is a complete douche bag. If he still lives at home, and he is indeed Mormon, and his father is a bishop, this scenario seems highly unlikely. His parents certainly wouldn't let her move into their home, and if OM still lives there, it's probably because he can't afford to live on his own. If your WW only earns $11 an hour, it seems unlikely that she would be able to support them either. I mean I think the OM has his own place of residence.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 513
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I am going to see about changing the locks on my new house this weekend, and then take some bare essentials over to my old house. I hope I have the balls to do this. Seeing my wife right now just puts butterflies in my stomach.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 2,803
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I mean I think the OM has his own place of residence. Oh, I misunderstood. Still, locating his parents and speaking with his father should be your top priority. A bishop is not going to be happy that his son is messing around with a married woman. If OM is active at all in the church, this could very well mean excommunication for him. Do you know the OM's full name? If you can find out his last name, it should be very simple to find his father. There probably won't be too many bishops in the area with the same last name as the OM (unless his last name is Smith, lol).
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 513
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If I do move back, how should I interact with her? How should the tone of my voice be? Should I avoid her? Should I talk like nothing is wrong?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 513
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I mean I think the OM has his own place of residence. Oh, I misunderstood. Still, locating his parents and speaking with his father should be your top priority. A bishop is not going to be happy that his son is messing around with a married woman. If OM is active at all in the church, this could very well mean excommunication for him. Do you know the OM's full name? If you can find out his last name, it should be very simple to find his father. There probably won't be too many bishops in the area with the same last name as the OM (unless his last name is Smith, lol). His father and mother already both know about the affair. He has already gone through disciplinary counsel, and I believe is being ex-communicated. Since this has happened, I am not sure what good I could do by meeting with his parents, but I guess it couldn't hurt.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 513
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Should I even go as far as to sleep in her room if I move into the old house?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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[
His father and mother already both know about the affair. He has already gone through disciplinary counsel, and I believe is being ex-communicated. Since this has happened, I am not sure what good I could do by meeting with his parents, but I guess it couldn't hurt. I am sure what good it would do. You, as the beleaguered husband, can ask them to persuade their son to leave your wife alone. You can put pressure on them to do so and make sure they know the affair is still on. You need to be causing as much havoc as possible in the affair instead of dismissing our advice.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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