|
|
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 12
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 12 |
Eddie, when she decided to leave how did she describe her feelings for you? Does she love you? What were her exact words? She said she was unhappy. She has been unhappy for a long time. My fear of her being unhappy and having another affair kicked in and I told her if she was unhappy she should probably leave. She did. She says she loves me but she is not in love with me. She said she cares about me in the way she doesn't want to see me hurt or anything bad happen to me
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 12
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 12 |
My wife of 26 years left a month ago after a small argument over me being controlling. What EXACTLY was the argument over? What were you trying to control that day? It was my jealousy. The tracker on her phone showed she was in the area of her former coworker she had an opposite sex friendship with. I know these trackers are not exactly accurate. I told her about it, mostly in a joking way, because I didn't really believe she was there as the coworker doesn't live in our town anymore.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[
She says she loves me but she is not in love with me. This convinces me she is having an affair. This statement is a classic statement of cheaters because it means she has a new point of comparison. See, she would not know she was not in love unless she was comparing it to something else. I am sorry. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
It was my jealousy. The tracker on her phone showed she was in the area of her former coworker she had an opposite sex friendship with. I know these trackers are not exactly accurate. I told her about it, mostly in a joking way, because I didn't really believe she was there as the coworker doesn't live in our town anymore. In a normal marriage, when a spouse is jealous, the other spouse stops doing the things that cause that jealousy. They don't punish and abandon that spouse.............unless they are having an affair. Jealousy is a natural reaction to a threat to the marriage. I assure you she is having an affair. Can you hire a PI to tail her for a few days?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 12
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 12 |
[
She says she loves me but she is not in love with me. This convinces me she is having an affair. This statement is a classic statement of cheaters because it means she has a new point of comparison. See, she would not know she was not in love unless she was comparing it to something else. I am sorry. Ok but I am sorry too. You haven't convinced me. You may be right but using your interpretation of those comments she could be comparing it to when she was in love with me.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[
Ok but I am sorry too. You haven't convinced me. You may be right but using your interpretation of those comments she could be comparing it to when she was in love with me. You don't have to take my word for it. Do some investigating for yourself. You are right, I could be crazy wrong! I could be a nut on the internet for all you know.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[
She says she loves me but she is not in love with me. This convinces me she is having an affair. This statement is a classic statement of cheaters because it means she has a new point of comparison. See, she would not know she was not in love unless she was comparing it to something else. I am sorry. Ok but I am sorry too. You haven't convinced me. You may be right but using your interpretation of those comments she could be comparing it to when she was in love with me. Then how come only people who are having affairs say this?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
When we were first married she did have a short affair. I was out running with my friends at the time having a good time and not being a husband. She said the affair at the time was to drive me away. Welcome to MB. Questions:How was affair #1 discovered? Who was OM #1? Is OM #1 still alive? If OM #1 is alive, where does he live? Could your W reconnect with OM#1 on Facebook/email/phone?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Eddie, to give you an example, go over and read some of the starting posts on threads in the MB101 forum. When a spouse is falling out of love, they complain about not feeling close and look for solutions. You will not see any of them who say "I am not in love, but I love" my spouse. They never say that. You can go back years and not see that. Rather, they focus on ways to feel closer to their spouse.
They are not comparing their feelings to an outsider AND they are actively looking for solutions.
But a spouse who is in an affair IS NOT looking for solutions and has a new point of comparison.
But just go over to Surviving an Affair and read the threads of those who have discovered an affair. They tell us consistently that their spouse has told them this.
Dr Harley has been doing this for 40 years and he will tell you when a spouse wants a separation there is almost always an affair. Another sign of an affair is the statement ILYBNILY. That is from Dr Harley, who specializes in infidelity. The fact that you are "jealous" and "insecure" tells me that you have been seeing red flags for a very long time.
You do not have to take my word for it, though. Like I said, I could be dead wrong. But you need to investigate and find out for yourself.
If there is an affair, we can help you save your marriage. But if there is an affair and it stays hidden, we can't help you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708 |
As mentioned......this points to an affair.
She is in a male dominated work world.
Even if it were not the younger boss (and nothing about age or marital status or parent status discounts him)....there are customers and other people who go regularly to auto repair places.
You don't know her as well as you think. You only know what she has revealed to you and even that may not be accurate.
There are many ways to snoop.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
[
Ok but I am sorry too. You haven't convinced me. You may be right but using your interpretation of those comments she could be comparing it to when she was in love with me. You don't have to take my word for it. Do some investigating for yourself. You are right, I could be crazy wrong! I could be a nut on the internet for all you know. If you snoop and find out she isn't then and only then could you work on the other issues in your marriage. I wish we never heard a wayward use those terms. "I love you but I'm not in love with you"
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
My wife of 26 years left a month ago after a small argument over me being controlling. What EXACTLY was the argument over? What were you trying to control that day? It was my jealousy. The tracker on her phone showed she was in the area of her former coworker she had an opposite sex friendship with. I know these trackers are not exactly accurate. I told her about it, mostly in a joking way, because I didn't really believe she was there as the coworker doesn't live in our town anymore. I bet your tracker was correct and she is seeing this former coworker. By showing your cards this early she went further underground. And she probably turned the tables on YOU for snooping on her in order to distract your attention, right? Suddenly you were the bad guy for being suspicious? "So one of the most common clues of an affair is an unwillingness to let a spouse investigate all aspects of life. If two lives are necessary for an affair, and if a spouse is curious enough, the secret second life is relatively easy to discover. Difficulty in getting a spouse to talk about events of the day can be a sign of trying to hide the second life.
One of the most common smoke-screens used by unfaithful spouses is to express shock that their spouse would be so distrusting as to ask questions about their secret second life. They try to make it seem as if such questions are an affront to their dignity, and a sign of incredible disrespect. They figure that the best defense is a good offense, and so they try to make their spouses feel guilty about asking too many questions."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 12
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 12 |
your credibility is slipping. I thought I was paranoid. You obviously aren't reading what I type. She would not have been where the tracker said as that person does not live here anymore.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708 |
Your logic is slipping eddie63. You are trying to see the world as you believe it existed/exists and you are clinging to the idea that she is not betraying you. Clinging to it.
The tracker was years ago and she takes affairs more underground than originally since you revealed that you kindof, sortof, once in a blue moon check up on her.
And, even if the worker didn't still live there.........they might have met in his old area at a friend's place or hangout, etc.
Now, her current affair partner may be that same person or yet another person. She likes to find partners at work it seems.
And, no, we take no joy in trying to get you to see what you are dealing with. It is sucky stuff to deal with. Sucky.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
your credibility is slipping. I thought I was paranoid. You obviously aren't reading what I type. She would not have been where the tracker said as that person does not live here anymore. All the more reason to check up on her and prove me wrong! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
your credibility is slipping. I thought I was paranoid. You obviously aren't reading what I type. She would not have been where the tracker said as that person does not live here anymore. I just want to point out to you that we are the ones trying to help you. It might feel good to be snotty, but it is the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot. You remind me of the hurricane Katrina people who were shooting at the rescue helicopters. And that is ok with me. I have already saved my marriage. I don't have to help you. It makes no difference to me if you save your marriage or not. Do you see how long I have been on this board? I have been here for 12 years. I have seen everything. So do you think I am "paranoid" or do you think I am experienced? Do you think Dr Harley is paranoid too? I will take my leave and wish you the best...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
your credibility is slipping. I thought I was paranoid. You obviously aren't reading what I type. She would not have been where the tracker said as that person does not live here anymore. All the more reason to check up on her and prove me wrong! So what does it hurt to snoop and prove that she isn't having an affair? Are you afraid of something?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780 |
I want to chime in that I was encouraged to snoop because several here thought my now xh was in an affair. I was sure they were wrong. They weren't.. I was so frightened to snoop though.
They are rarely wrong.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
I know her pretty well after 26 years and am almost certain there isn't another man. Again, I can't say with 100% certainty its not possible there is someone else but I do see her cell records as it is still in my name and I know of her whereabouts most of the time. She works for a small auto repair store. I'm confident nothing going on there as only 3 employees. But...she was unfaithful once before, correct? And you didn't know then, either, yes?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
453
guests, and
668
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,528
Members72,060
| |
Most Online8,273
Aug 17th, 2025
|
|
|
|
