Or better yet, could you put a GPS on her car now?

So while she's with this guy, basically don't believe a single word she says, ya? haha.

In other words, she doesn't give a crap about her daughter.

He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But he who walks wisely will be delivered. Proverbs 28:26

Ya, I could. Wonder if I can find a tracker locally.

NG is correct. It is the same as posting the rantings of a falling down drunk...

They have good ones at Radio shack.

Here GPS Units

Cool, I will pick one up. Once she decides to leave the old house, it will be interesting to see where she goes.

Yes it will.

Wise words from Pepperband to a newly BS (especially after exposure) put a GPS on their vehicle and see where they go and a VAR (they can't help but to call the AP).

Eh, sorry I'm not sure what you mean by VAR, or AP. Still learning my acronyms I guess.

AP=Affair Partner
VAR=Voice Activated Recorder

Here.
Acroynoms and Abbreviations

VAR

I just talked to one of my very best friends on the phone, and he said he is going to call my wife and tell her he thinks she's making a huge mistake and that she needs to end the affair. I warned him she might start trying to say "you don't know the whole story", "That's not why I left him" bla bla bla. I told him to just stay true to his resolve no matter what she says. So far he is the only friend that has been willing to straight up just tell her that. Really grateful for him right now.

What a good man and friend.

So one more piece of the puzzle guys that I didn't mention, and it's kind of a big piece. My wife's best friend is a guy. She even told him about the impending separation before she told me about it. They are very close. When my wife separated from me, on that very same day, this guy went and confessed his love to my wife. Before this happened I considered this guy my friend as well. Not anymore, for obvious reasons. He has tried to reconcile with me saying I wasn't there, and I don't know exactly what happened, blah blah. He has always been very manipulative. He knows how to make people feel sorry for him. He is *always* the victim in his eyes. My wife does not have any feelings of love for him as far as I know, and she turned him down but decided to remain friends with him. Well, regardless of his betrayal of my friendship, I asked for his support to not see or talk to my wife until she ends this affair. Of course he said "She's an adult, I'm not going to tell her what to do, and I'm not going to end our friendship because of it." So they still spend time together. They had a BBQ the other day with him, his girlfriend, my wife, and my wife's OM. (I don't know if the OM knows that this guy confessed his love to my wife). Either way, the whole situation is extremely dysfunctional.

My concern is this - obviously I can never be friends with this guy again. But he is my wife's best friend, and I know she cherishes their friendship, no matter how big of a douche he is. So let's say the affair ends in the future, and the fog clears. How do I deal with this guy? Do I tell my wife she cannot be friends with him anymore? Do I put a probation on her friendship with him? Do I say she can still be friends with him, but cannot be near him unless I am there physically? I am worried that she will not be willing to abandon her friendship with him if that's what it takes to reconcile. (If I can even get to that point to begin with)

Sorry if this didn't make sense. I can reword some of it if needed.

Tell him to hit the road and demand that she never have anything to do with him again. A married person should not have friends of the opposite sex. That is how affairs begin.

Does this so called best friend's GF know he confessed his love to your WW? I would let her know.

I would make it a condition for recovery. No opposite sex friendships. You should tell him to get lost.

Here.
Are "Friends" a Threat to Your Marraige?

Odd,

I have read through your thread and you are doing an excellent job of managing this very difficult situation. You are listening to the advice here and that is helping you.

Most people don't understand affairs and how to battle them. Dr. Harely and these folks here do. Thousands of marriages have been saved though these methods, and in the marriages that were not saved the betrayed spouses learned from the Marriage Builders principals and became much better for it. So keep a courageous heart.

To answer your question, one of the conditions of taking back your WW will be for her to end all opposite sex friendships. She cannot re-enter your marriage if she stays friends with the guy. And she should not have a close friendship with any other guy but you.

Your WW does not have boundries. If she was going out when you were married and she was in the presence of other men, then it is clear her boundries were bad. This must be corrected for you two to recover.

But first things first. Destroy the affair.

Okay, good to know, no guy relationships. I will make that a solid rule should we ever have the opportunity for reconciliation. And yes, the 'friend's' GF knows about his love confession to her. Like I said, it's an EXTREMELY dysfunctional situation. The reason his GF doesn't care about the love confession is because she is desperate to keep him as her boyfriend, as far as I can tell.

Man, her lifestyle has been to have guy friends as long as I can remember. I just have such a hard time seeing her not only coming back to want to reconcile, but abandoning her friendship with this guy right now just seems impossible. He has been her friend for as long as I have been with her.

Which leads me to another question. When / If the fog lifts - what in the world is going to make her consider coming back to me? Even if she DID want to, I feel like she will be too embarrassed and prideful to even consider it. And then for me to tell her she has to abandon her relationship with this guy, I feel she would not ever be willing to consider that.

I'm going to continue to follow the plan you guys have laid out, I won't give up on the love of my life, but I have to admit, I have such a hard time seeing her ever wanting to reconcile - even as great as our relationship was for so long.

Odd,

She is in the fog, and it is going to take time (a process) for her to get out.

But when she does get out, she has to change her independent behavior and she has to end relationships with the opposite sex. Both of these are destructive to happy marriage, and you should only take her back if you are going to be safe. There is no point in saving a marriage if it isn't going to be happy.

At this point, she cannot be educated. But if the affair is killed, the fog will eventually lift. At this point she must be willing to accept your conditions for accepting her back. In addition to giving up independent behavior and opposite sex friendships, she must at that time read Dr. Harley's books and this site.

If she is not willing to do this, then she will do this again. Is this something you want to put yourself through again?

No, I am not willing to go through this again. I will definitely tell her when the time comes that these conditions are necessary for our marriage's survival. If she refuses, then so be it.

What I am curious about though is the mental thought process that she will go through when/if the fog does lift. What will actually make her want to contact me? What will her state of mind be? I just have a hard time envisioning the reality of that moment. In the book, with the example with Sue, it made sense because she still felt what she was doing was wrong, she missed her kids, and it seemed she never felt fully confident about her decision to leave her husband. In my case my wife seems extremely confident and determined to see this through. So my instinct tells me that even if this affair does end, she will just go find another partner, rather than considering coming back to me.

I guess I am just trying to understand the psychology of this, and what my real chances are I guess.