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What will make her want to contact you is if she sees you as the super cool, non-needy rock that will help her regain her life and honor.
You are the only person on this plant that she can do that with.
Right not she doesn't think she can/could ever fall in love with you again. We here know she could not be more wrong.
Being calm and totally collected is very attractive. Start working out. Look great. Improve yourself. Woo her without being needy. Invite her to fun events. If she says no..say cool, maybe next time. If she says yes...show her an amazing time out.
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Trying to understand SAA and LB will explain everything.
Worrying about her right now will do nothing more than cause you pain. You have to focus on yourself while you do whatever you can to break them up.
You can only control you. Start there first.
Putting a GPS on her car and a VAR could be helpful at the same time it could cause you enormous stress tracking her all the time. I chose to hold off on that until we started to R. Knowing TOO much can work against you.
If and when she is ready to talk and end it with him...you will know 100%.
Last edited by 20YearHistory; 05/04/13 04:00 PM.
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What will make her want to contact you is if she sees you as the super cool, non-needy rock that will help her regain her life and honor.
You are the only person on this plant that she can do that with.
Right not she doesn't think she can/could ever fall in love with you again. We here know she could not be more wrong.
Being calm and totally collected is very attractive. Start working out. Look great. Improve yourself. Woo her without being needy. Invite her to fun events. If she says no..say cool, maybe next time. If she says yes...show her an amazing time out. I assume you mean invite her to stuff AFTER the affair is over, ya?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Invite her now. Try to woo her now. If she says no, then cool.
Dude..you have to fight for her right now. Try to date her. Ask her out. Do what you can to spend as much time with her as possible.
Be Mr. Cool while you do it. Laid back. Tell her you realize how you messed up..how serious you are about creating a great life together. Over time, she may buy into it.
Last edited by 20YearHistory; 05/04/13 04:03 PM.
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Here's a good read. This poster's WW had three affairs and kept going back to one of her OM. Posters were actually telling him to give up because they had no children and they hadn't been married long and they were young. He actually had to go into Plan B for a short time. He had a few bumps, but mostly followed the plans. He asked alot of the same questions. They are now recovered. Hope it helps. jah's Thread
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I am confused. If I invite her out and show her a good time, aren't I just enabling her affair? I mean that would be incredibly awkward to just be nice to her on a date while she is cheating on me.
I mean if one minute I'm demanding she ends the affair, and the next I'm asking her out on a date, that just seems strange to me.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Thanks BH, I will read it.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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I am confused. If I invite her out and show her a good time, aren't I just enabling her affair? I mean that would be incredibly awkward to just be nice to her on a date while she is cheating on me.
I mean if one minute I'm demanding she ends the affair, and the next I'm asking her out on a date, that just seems strange to me. You are in Plan A. Have you seen this? Carrot and Stick of Plan A You need both the Carrot and Stick.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Ya, I'm familiar with plan A. Hmm... So you guys think it would be a good idea to call and ask her to go out with me tonight? I know she will say no - but the gesture itself would help you think?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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I am confused. If I invite her out and show her a good time, aren't I just enabling her affair? I mean that would be incredibly awkward to just be nice to her on a date while she is cheating on me.
I mean if one minute I'm demanding she ends the affair, and the next I'm asking her out on a date, that just seems strange to me. So, demanding she end the A and doing nothing to try rebuild your friendship with her makes more sense?
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Ya, I'm familiar with plan A. Hmm... So you guys think it would be a good idea to call and ask her to go out with me tonight? I know she will say no - but the gesture itself would help you think? I would. Absolutely. Try to get her to go out with you and have a great time together. Have fun. Don't talk about the A at all. She clearly knows you don't approve of it. Show her your heart is open to her. Get her to fall back in love with you. This is the key my friend.
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I picture the conversation going like this
Me: Hey WWS, just wondering if you'd like to go to the aquarium with me tonight.
Her: Umm, no, I don't think so.
Me: Alright, cool, maybe next time. Have a good night.
*click*.
This would only help my situation?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Should I avoid saying "I love you"? Like as a way to say goodbye on the phone or whatever.
Last edited by OddJob123; 05/04/13 04:18 PM.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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I picture the conversation going like this
Me: Hey WWS, just wondering if you'd like to go to the aquarium with me tonight.
Her: Umm, no, I don't think so.
Me: Alright, cool, maybe next time. Have a good night.
*click*.
This would only help my situation? What do you have to lose? Who cares if she says no. Ask her out again next week. You HAVE to spend time with her to get any traction. Dude...I was exactly where you were 3 years ago. Now my FWW is more in love with me than she has ever been in her entire life. Stop trying to predict her reactions. Just do your thang!
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Should I avoid saying "I love you"? Like as a way to say goodbye on the phone or whatever. You are overthinking things..bud... Just be cool ! I wouldn't say I love you right now. Don't talk about the relationship AT ALL>
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Look..didn't she say in her letter to you that you were easy to love? Do what you did then.
Don't be a doormat..be STRONG and completely together at the same time.
ENGAGE her..make her laugh. Try to lighten up the tension between you.
Last edited by 20YearHistory; 05/04/13 04:24 PM.
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Guys, that was just emotionally taxing on me... Uggghh... I called her. I asked her out. She said "ummm, no I'm busy". Then she proceeded to ask me about my IRA account info for filling out divorce papers. I said I would look for the account number for her. then I told her to have a good night and hung up....
I'm freaking shaking.
Should I refuse to give her that info?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Plan A:
Me: Hey WWS, just wondering if you'd like to go to the aquarium with me tonight.
Her: Umm, no, I don't think so.
Me: I am looking forward to seeing the new octopus exhibit. I'll let you know how it is after I see it. If you change your mind, let me know. It would be nice to see it with you."
*click*.
Then.........go yourself and enjoy it.
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She seemed so un-phased by me asking her out. As soon as she said no she jumped to the IRA thing. I hope it surprised her more than I think it did. She probably just thinks I'm desperate.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 513
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Also, I assume I should refuse to sign divorce papers?
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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