Expect this reaction. TRY not to let it effect you. Just say, no problem, maybe next time.

Look. NO PRESSURE. She is sensitive to the slightest pressure.

None. Zilch. Zero.

"hey, I'm heading out tonight to do ___, thought you might like to join me. Either way is cool. No pressure."


Just keep asking her out to do fun things together.

Do all the A busting behind the scenes. When you talk to her try to keep the conversations light.

Gotta run.

Your only response should be 'I don't talk divorce, I only talk M'.

Coming across desperate will work against you.

Should I text her and say I am not volunteering that information to you, I won't talk about divorce, only marriage?

I definitely didn't come across desperate on the phone. I was very cool about it. But just the gesture of asking her out I wonder if she took it as desperate is all.

Man, her voice was soooo cold to me. Like she was talking sweet and normal, but behind it I could just tell it was so fake. It was almost mocking how she was talking to me, as if NOTHING is wrong at all.

Also do not help her with anything that pertains to the D?

IRA account number? I don't have access to that information. Or I don't talk D only marriage. My lawyer talks divorce.

Do not make it easy for her.

I wouldn't say or do anything about the D unless she brings it up. You are much to busy right now. You have places to go and people to see. Must have slipped your mind.

If/when she brings it up try to change the subject or just say "hey, I really don't want to talk about that right now'. Change the subject.

If she thinks your are sitting there pining the time waiting for her=desperate and very unattractive.

All your interactions with her have to be Positive. period.

No way I would text her proactively anything about the D, papers...etc.

Expect her to be cold as ice. You have to try to break through that with your charm and appeal !

This is totally a disrespectful judgment.

Spending time reading SAA and LB will help you see what you need to avoid right now in your interactions.

How about taking a break from this? Do you have some friends you can hook up with and try to get your mind off of this right now?

It took a LONG time for her to fall out of love with you. It is going to take time for her to fall out of love with the POSOM and back in L with you.

Patience. Patience. This is going to take a long time. Trust me.

No, you are not enabling her. You are competing for her. You are showing her that you are a better alternative than the POSOM. You are wooing her back.

I hear ya.. I'm breaking the rules. So not only do I have to not judge her to her face, but not even in my own head.

So she is probably going to say no every single time I ask her out. Is there any other approaches I can take rather than just cold calling her? Or do I just keep trying until she tells me to never call her again? haha.

Just tell her you aren't going to get into any of that. Tell her you will talk about the marriage but if there is anything to do with a divorce, you would rather leave that to an attorney. Don't help her in any way when it comes to a divorce.

Well that won't be a problem next week when you move in with her!

Heh, ya for a minute. It is going to piss her off so bad. She'll storm out with all of her stuff, and then two days later I will call her up - "Hey, wanna go to that raw vegan restaurant you always wanted to try?" She will know full well that I know she is pissed, and yet still trying to ask her out. This is still how I should approach this? haha

Just do this occasionally so she knows that offer stands. And whenever she contacts you for anything, be as pleasant and kind as possible. No lectures and no lovebusting. As the affair crumbles, she will contact you more and more.

Interesting.. Makes sense though. This approach is so different from anything else I've ever read since this started happening. I've read other places that if you make yourself completely unavailable, then that is when they will want you back.

I am having a house warming party next weekend. I will invite her to that next week. It will show her that I have a life, and am active.

That doesn't work and I will explain why. If a spouse is so completely detached that they leave for an affair, then how will more detachment be the solution? Making yourself unavailable is a dream come true for the affair because they want you out of the way. But if you react with the carrot and the stick, you effectively kill the affair and make yourself the attractive alternative.

Affairs thrive on secrecy, so once you expose it, the affair begins to crumble and lose its magic glow. If you stay and compete you are the most likely winner.

Odd,

Remember, you have to remake yourself into a superior alternative for her. That means doing the things that meet her emotional needs and avoiding the love busters that drove her away. Be confident, have a sense of humor, and be sincerely charming, caring, and loving. Like you're preparing for an academy award.

But don't talk about the relationship, don't try and educate, and leave the situation when you feel anger or hurt coming on. (I know, that means you will always be away. But you know what I mean.)

Asking her out is ok, just don't be clingy. You've said to MIL that you have unconditional love for her. I think that is a dangerous thing to say. It enables cake eating.

When she sees you in the house on Monday and she reacts. Play it cool. I'm hear because this our home. We are married. Not much else to say. Don't engage in a fight. Keep it simple and change the subject.

What's her favorite dish? Cook it. Ask her if she would like a massage. Feet, body. Those are good conversation changers. If she rejects with fogbabble tell her you sorry she feels that way. Do not engage with an argument.