Heh, ya.. blablablablabla..

Seriously though, I feel like I am not going to have many opportunities to be near her between when I move in and when she moves out, so I want to know if there are any specific things I can say to her other than offering to go out and do stuff to make her feel like I am a good option, that she could eventually feel comfortable coming back to me. The carrot of plan A basically.

And then...just LISTEN. [if she doesn't talk...no biggie]

Ask questions...and LISTEN some more.

Talk less...Listen more.

Ignore any hurtful things she's saying as she's just trashing against you for interfering with her affair.

Your challenge is to see how long you can keep her talking with you about anything. The more she talks to you the more connected to you she will feel regardless of the conversation.

Acknowledge her statements... ["I understand"..."That's interesting"] and then deflect to another topic with questions when it gets too upsetting [she's gonna try to upset you].

Just try not to laugh out loud when she responds exactly how we tell you she's going to.

When she disengages to leave...don't chase her and don't beg. Be confident because trust me...you are the far better man and choice and she is either going to regret what she has done and be so appreciative of you fighting for her or she won't and you'll know you are better off without her. Either way...YOU will make it.


Mr. w

More than that, though, is no woman wants to be viewed as a PARIAH in any man's family. It is a horrible thing for a woman to be told she is not good enough to "darken the doorstep" of her partner's mother. She knows that if she is viewed as a pariah, it will eventually come between them.

They care very much about being integrated into his family and this is why exposing to the OM's family is so potent.

Thanks, that is what I needed to hear. I am going to re-read that like 10 times so it's ingrained in my head.

If she gives me the silent treatment after I move in, should I respect that? Or should I try to engage in conversation? "WS, do you want to talk about anything? If not, I understand."

oh, and another tid-bit of information that makes last night's conversation with my wife ever so sweeter, is that the OM's dad told me him and has wife have NEVER talked to my WS. So everything my WS knows about his family is through the OM. Which means my message probably did more damage than we originally even thought.

I was thinking the same thing. OM evidently has a good relationship with his parents since he's living with them. I suspect their feelings will be important to him.

Right now, part of your WW's fantasy is probably visualizing warm, cozy holidays and Sundays around the family table. It will be a helpful dash of reality if she has to face the fact that those cozy days won't be happening. She will know that they know the truth of her marriage and she will not be able to spin her history to be acceptable to them.

And as a parent of boys, I can promise you that a woman who wrecked her marriage would not be popular with me. I wouldn't want my son having a relationship with someone like that. Beyond the fact that their character is clearly suspect - if they did it to their husband, what's to stop them from doing it to my son?

I'm going to write down a list of non-relationship questions I can ask her about here for my reference later.

-So are you planning on going to School?
-How is work going? Did you ever get another raise?
-How was your birthday? Did you do anything fun?
-Have you been keeping up with Game of Thrones?
-(if she is going to school) What are you thinking about studying?
-Do you think you'll ever do massage again?

Hmm.. That's all the non-awkward questions I can think of right now.

My friend, don't overthink this. You don't want to come across as false. There is nothing you can say to make it any less awkward. Just don't allow her to bait you into a fight. Be pleasant and go about your business.

Okay, I hear you. That makes sense.

Ask her things like
Would you like some coffee?

You do realize that by speaking to his family yourself, you have prevented your WW from concocting a "story" about you? You got to them first and told them the truth. So now if she and the OM try to drum up a story, it won't work.

Does your WW believe you are going to cooperate with her divorce? Didn't she print up divorce papers off the internet? Lets discuss that...

Same here. If my son did something so trashy, he would not be allowed to bring his hoe to my home. She would never darken my doorstep!

She thinks I am going to cooperate, yes.

Oooh, okay this is good. So like if I'm going to the store, ask her if she wants anything, etc? This is good.

So when she rolls out the divorce papers, just let her know you would prefer to let attorneys handle all that because of the seriousness of the situation. You have since learned that the divorce will be a very serious thing because of the adultery involved. Because of that, you will be countersuing for divorce on grounds of adultery if she has you served.

This means that the OM will be subpoenaed to give testimony under oath about his adultery. All of their emails, texts and cell phone records will be subpoenaed in discovery. This is also information that the OM's wife can use in her own divorce action. You are considering asking the OM's parents and his wife to testify on your behalf since they have all been so supportive of you.

The reason you want to do this is to buy time. You want to drag it out and make it as difficult as possible while the affair dies on the vine.

You want to paint a very horrible picture of her future if she takes this path while you are painting a very wonderful picture of a future with you.

All of this horrible ugliness could go away if she would only end her affair and work on your marriage.

UNDERSTOOD

Man, this thread is going to be 500 pages long by the time this is done.

Does she have a good job? Can she support herself?

Will it be okay to send her that in a text when the time comes? I just want to make sure I word everything right. If I do it verbally I may screw it up.

She makes 11 or 12 dollars an hour.