Yes, he is - that is why I am moving back in on Monday.

There are no guarantees but my money is on you. Let me explain why. 95% of affairs die within 2 years and never make it to marriage. The 5% that make it to marriage have a 70% divorce rate. The very traits that make an affair possible eventually destroy it.

On the other hand, 65% of marriages that are afflicted by affairs end up reconciled. So my money is on you!

But even if you did decide to get divorced, you would be fully within your rights. You are not betraying your marriage vows if you divorce over adultery.

I'm glad to see you are optimistic after all the stuff I've shown you that she has told me. I'm sure it's MUCH easier for you guys to brush it off as foggage since you guys have seen it so much and you are not emotionally attached to this like I am. But when I see her say things like "We weren't meant to be together", "I am never coming back", "Let me go", "I don't love you anymore" it REALLY affects me.

Oh and when you say shacking up, do you mean living there? Because he's not living there, he might spend the night sometimes, but he spends most of his nights at his parents house right now.

Why not go to Home Depot first thing in the morning and change your locks? Then drive over to your other house and call the police if you see the OM's car there and have him removed? He has ALOT OF NERVE going in your home.

That's because we have seen it a million times. They all say that.

I actually have lock smith's coming out on Monday. I am not a handy man, and don't want to screw it up, hah. It's been over a month of this going on now, so I don't think one more day is going to make a difference.

Oh, and when she said "If OM left me tomorrow, I wouldn't come running back to you". That kind of stung too.

She is saying that because she wants you and others to believe she left because of problems in the marriage, NOT because of the OM.

Ya, I understand, like I said, it is just really hard to look at what she says as foggage. It is hard to have an objective view because I am so emotionally involved.

When my wife started calling me toxic [I was snooping on her], is when she "jumped the shark" into the absurd and I finally detached from taking anything she said to heart. Her snide and hurtful comments back then were about maintaining her addiction...nothing more.

She might as well be saying "I could quit crack cocaine tomorrow and still not come home to you, you horrible ugly smelly monster". Perhaps a good response would have been "prove it" with a wry smile.

Until the affair is busted up, everything she says or does will be in furtherance of her affair. Even acts and words of kindness, if any, are just attempts at manipulation.


Just detach from it. Self confidence is a tough thing to possess right now but can't look to your wife for any assurances. Besides, you're only 28 [or so] so if this works out, great...if not, you'll be ok. I didn't even get married until I was 30. You'll truly be fine with or without her. Trying to save HER is an noble endeavor. Hopefully this is a one time act of immaturity and you two can recover and rebuild a fulfilling MB marriage. We are pulling for you.


Godspeed,

Mr. W

Plus...OM's love it when you step aside and hate when they hear you are asking "their" girl out on dates and spending ANY time with "their" girl.

Remember...they KNOW "their" girl is a liar that shouldn't be trusted so OM's will presume the worst about any time you spend around each other.


Remember also...WW's love sharing things you tell them with the OM so don't be afraid to feed her misinformation. (like I told my wife an exaggerated amount of money she personally spent the year prior on clothing alone knowing OM would internally freak out knowing he could never afford to cloth my wife).

Remember lastly...busting up the affair is step one and getting OM to end it because it's just too much trouble is one great way (and the easiest way) to accomplish that.


May not sound ideal or romantic but it matters not one bit how these affairs end...only that it ends and you can rebuild from there.

Mr. W


p.s. - another thought...when you move back home be very careful not to do anything that would allow her to successfully call the cops and have you removed. One BH blocked his wife in a room demanding she get off the phone with OM in his house and she accused him of "false imprisonment". Even though he didn't even touch her...she got him removed. Having a recorder of some type (I like the MP3 recordable wristwatches) would be wise to protect you from trumped up charges of harassment or abuse.

I generally think most WW's don't give a crap about being integrated into any family. They disassociated from their own so why would they care about OM's? They don't. If it were up to them they put aluminum foil in all the windows and stay in bed with OM 24/7. He's their schmoopie, not his parents.

Thus, the real reason this "bothers" WW's is because they THINK it might or probably does bothers their OM. They wonder and get insecure about whether OM will really choose them over their mom and dad and then they both have to spend a lot of time discussing and reassuring each other about this REAL LIFE problem with their relationship versus just living in affair fantasy land.

W

I just talked to the Dad for 20 minutes. They are doing EVERYTHING they can to convince the OM to end the relationship. They are very supportive of me.

This is great news, my friend. DO NOT LET UP YOUR CALM, BUT DIRECTED, ACTIONS IN ALL PHASES!

Review, please: This week is move-home date, right? Have you isolated all financial assets from her access? Are you unfailingly equipped with a VAR when you (will be) in proximity to WW?

You are getting THE BEST when Mel counsels you, but more importantly, you are listening, and HEARING, what should be done, and doing it.

Drive this affair into the ground.

All financial assets are isolated yes - I even had her sign over the house titles to me.

I am going to move in on either Monday or Tuesday. Probably Monday. Whenever me and WWS are about to have a conversation I will start video recording on my phone and then just put it in my pocket.

Any tips on what I should say to my Wife when I move back in other than - "I'm moving back in because this is my house too, and I am not supporting your affair. OM is no longer allowed on the property."

That is what I'll say on the stick side - what about the carrot side? What would be most effective?

My wife has a big acne and complexion problem. She looks great with make-up, but without make up is a whole different story. I assume this bodes well for when they move in together, and he has to start seeing her without make-up? I mean... In a facebook message to one of his buddies when this whole thing started he said "I don't know man, she' SO hot, I think she's worth ruining my marriage over". Do you think seeing her without make-up, something that little could cause the fantasy to die for him a bit?

"Hello honey, I'm home!!"

Do not get into any discussion or argument when you do.

OJ, here's a little video for you to think about when she starts babbling her nonsense. Picture her as the teacher:

Charlie Brown's Teacher