I asked her Mom if WS has still been distant from her. This was her reply:

"I talked to her on my Birthday, And again on her Birthday. I miss her on FB, Because I got so used to her just being there. I gotta say, She sounds very happy, She sounded excited about things . I will probably talk to her later, I sent her a Birthday pkg. Wanna see if she got it. Whew, need coffee, just woke up. Have a good day BS".

Granted, her birthday was *right* before I started any exposure.

Suggesting you might bring his parents and W into your suit is the kind of stuff that will have the effect of a cold splash of reality. See, she is drunk on the fantasy of her affair. Look for little ways, like you did last night, to drop some reality stink bombs into her little fantasy. If you paint a horrible picture of her future with RATBOY, you will cause her to have second thoughts.

For example, you could say something like "I am so scared that he will do to you what he did to his wife. She has cancer and he abandoned her when she got sick. I want you to know if you get sick, I will be here for you if he leaves you too."

And...because OM will decide it's just too much trouble (this isn't just because YOU are causing him trouble but also because your wife is driving him nuts moaning and complaining about YOU, talking about you and needing to reassure her that he's willing to wait and wait and wait and wait to be with her.

Hanging with your wife is going to harder than dealing with his real wife (who has cancer) let alone EVERY OTHER AVAILABLE WOMAN in the world.

Mr. W

That's a good one! Maybe I'll send that in a text tomorrow. I'll let last night's barrage sink in for another day first.

Melody - if I rewrite that text to say this, would it still be acceptable?

"WS,I am so scared that OM will do to you what he did to his wife. She has cancer and he abandoned her. I've heard that OM's wife is not completely innocent in all this, but there is no way she deserves what he did. I want you to know that if you ever get sick, I will be there for you holding your hand and supporting you if he leaves you as well."

I feel like I need to acknowledge that OM's wife is not completely innocent either, because OM's Dad told me as much.

I wouldn't send that text, but I would keep that thought in your back pocket and look for an opportunity to trot it out in the future. You want to throw her just enough to cause her to have doubts without making her defensive of the OM. If she goes into defense mode, then she will not hear anything you say. You threw some crap out there last night. I think if you sent that, you would clue her to the fact that you have an agenda.

What do you mean his wife is not innocent? Did she have an affair too?

The Dad would not tell me exactly what she did. I am 99% certain it was not infidelity though, from talking to her.

The reason I am so sure is because she told me she didn't want to meet me in person because while she is still married she is going to honor her covenant to her husband.

And...was this first hand knowledge or did his son tell him his wife did x, y and z???

OM's a liar...he likely lied to his dad too.


This isn't to say that OM's wife was a saint or anything but waywards rewrite history and overemphasize the bad to justify their behavior.


If he did lie to his dad...that would be good news because it shows he cares more than he's letting on about his dad's (parents) opinion.

Mr. W

I'm not sure if it's first hand knowledge or not. the Dad seemed uncomfortable talking about it.

She sounds wise. Lots of revenge affairs brew between the spouses of affairing spouses.

She is a very sweet person. I have no idea what she could have done.

I don't know why but I have a hunch...because she has cancer...it might have to do with depression and medication. They won't talk about it and since it's not likely adultery....it could be prescription med or other drug abuse.

She's mormon so alcohol is doubtful.

W

In your conversations with OM's wife...has she taken on blame herself???

That's a good theory. Not sure why they wouldn't be sympathetic towards something like that though.

No, she hasn't taken any blame.

Never mind...we are going down the wayward rabbit hole. The truth is the waywards are liars and nothing justifies their behaviors whatsoever.


If the dad ever says something like that again...just say:

"Do you know that first hand and seen it with your own eyes because you and I both know that your son (and my wife) are lost and lying sinners right now whose words are unreliable and untrustworthy"

Because their son has to justify and rationalize to himself and his parents why he would leave/abandon his wife while she's suffering from cancer, he would necessarily spin it in his favor by the magnitude of 10.

"Dad, my wife is taking Oxycontin and she's psychotic. Last week she called the cops on me for biting my finger nails too loudly. I haven't told you this before because I didn't want to upset you but this medication abuse has been going on for over a year. Between clonopin, oxycontin, xanax and the multiple doctors she sees to get multiple prescriptions to these I'm going crazy just living with her. I've got to get out. I can't have children (your grandchildren) with this woman. The sooner I get out the better. I'm sorry Dad."


Again...this is a rabbit hole. We could speculate all day about what this is about or you could ask the OM's wife on the phone what the Dad could be talking about. Heck...if the OM's wife doesn't know....three way in the father so all 3 of you can discuss it and get your facts straight.

Mr. W

Well unfortunately the OM's wife doesn't really want to be bothered or talked to about it anymore. She just wants it over with and to move on with her life.