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Of course, this is my son's to deal with. I guess I was hoping on how I can deal with it. What do you mean, how you can deal with it? It's your son dealing with it, not you.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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It's hard to tell who you are replying to in each of your posts. Use the "quote" button instead of the "reply" button, to give us some context to follow.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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If I stop, can I ever go back with this man?
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It's hard to tell who you are replying to in each of your posts. Use the "quote" button instead of the "reply" button, to give us some context to follow. Thanks
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Of course, this is my son's to deal with. I guess I was hoping on how I can deal with it. What do you mean, how you can deal with it? It's your son dealing with it, not you. I'm trying to deal with the way my son is dealing with it. And how his way of dealing effects me.
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A lot of grown children would deal with it the same way. This man has obviously not changed, how could he be happy about this?
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Genia-
Is it possible that you have a vision in your mind's eye who you WANT/WISH him to be and not seeing who he REALLY is?
Sorry to tell you but you never had a great M.
As painful as it is...I think if you are honest with yourself you can see his true colors. Isn�t it time to finally wake up and smell the pile of �.well�you know�. that HE really is?
Now, you have to deal with you and your conscious. You are having an A.. You are a mistress. Is that honorable? Is that who you want to be? Would you approve of your children doing this?
I certainly hope not.
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If I stop, can I ever go back with this man? I guess if you like lying, cheating, selfish, manipulating men with zero morals..whom your children completely despise... sure. It's your life.
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Genia-
Is it possible that you have a vision in your mind's eye who you WANT/WISH him to be and not seeing who he REALLY is?
Sorry to tell you but you never had a great M.
As painful as it is...I think if you are honest with yourself you can see his true colors. Isn�t it time to finally wake up and smell the pile of �.well�you know�. that HE really is?
Now, you have to deal with you and your conscious. You are having an A.. You are a mistress. Is that honorable? Is that who you want to be? Would you approve of your children doing this?
I certainly hope not. Answers are not in any order. No. No. Absolutely not. Oh my...what have I done.
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If I stop, can I ever go back with this man? I guess if you like lying, cheating, selfish, manipulating men with zero morals..whom your children completely despise... sure. It's your life. He ccan never change????
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Have you read Dr Harley's writings on the Love Bank?
I would encourage you to do so. Most any 2 people can fall in love in the right environment.
All is not lost for you. You can love (someone else) again! You just need to educate yourself on HOW to fall in love and stay in love.
All the information is right here on this site and in Dr. Harley's books.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Isn�t it time to set your moral compass straight and refocus your life?
People aren't destined to be with each other. That is a myth.
It is ALL about getting emotional needs filled.
There is someone out there for you!
Last edited by 20YearHistory; 05/08/13 01:44 PM.
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Of course, this is my son's to deal with. I guess I was hoping on how I can deal with it. What do you mean, how you can deal with it? It's your son dealing with it, not you. I'm trying to deal with the way my son is dealing with it. And how his way of dealing effects me. Not really. You are just trying to pressure/manipulate your son into validating your choice. Truth is: your son is not stopping you from doing what you want to do, and he cannot stop you. His decision is not actually affecting you. But it is bothering you. It bothers you that he doesn't validate your decision. It bothers you so badly that you'd go post about him in public on the Internet as if he were a child with an issue at school and you needed some advice to help him. It bothers you enough to basically invalidate your son as an adult in your quest for validation from him. I think the best thing you can do is apologize to your son, make it clear that you agree he is an adult who can make his own decisions in life, and seek to have an ADULT relationship with him on his terms, not just your terms.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: May 2013
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Have you read Dr Harley's writings on the Love Bank?
I would encourage you to do so. Most any 2 people can fall in love in the right environment.
All is not lost for you. You can love (someone else) again! You just need to educate yourself on HOW to fall in love and stay in love.
All the information is right here on this site and in Dr. Harley's books.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Isn�t it time to set your moral compass straight and refocus your life?
People aren't destined to be with each other. That is a myth.
It is ALL about getting emotional needs filled.
There is someone out there for you! I have read about the Love Bank. In fact I understand how the affairs in my M happened because of that information. Why can't it still be him? Others have changed. I do believe my marriage was good for the first 12 years. I want to be able to be with him. If we goes through some educational training, can it not work?
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If I stop, can I ever go back with this man? I guess if you like lying, cheating, selfish, manipulating men with zero morals..whom your children completely despise... sure. It's your life. He ccan never change???? He has not changed though. He is still a liar and a cheater. Why would you sign on for that?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Of course, this is my son's to deal with. I guess I was hoping on how I can deal with it. What do you mean, how you can deal with it? It's your son dealing with it, not you. I'm trying to deal with the way my son is dealing with it. And how his way of dealing effects me. Not really. You are just trying to pressure/manipulate your son into validating your choice. Truth is: your son is not stopping you from doing what you want to do, and he cannot stop you. His decision is not actually affecting you. But it is bothering you. It bothers you that he doesn't validate your decision. It bothers you so badly that you'd go post about him in public on the Internet as if he were a child with an issue at school and you needed some advice to help him. It bothers you enough to basically invalidate your son as an adult in your quest for validation from him. I think the best thing you can do is apologize to your son, make it clear that you agree he is an adult who can make his own decisions in life, and seek to have an ADULT relationship with him on his terms, not just your terms. You are absolutely correct. Thank you for the response.
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If I stop, can I ever go back with this man? I guess if you like lying, cheating, selfish, manipulating men with zero morals..whom your children completely despise... sure. It's your life. He ccan never change???? Of course he can change. All his decisions are his CHOICE. That is what makes it so disgusting as he is purposefully hurting people. He is intentionally doing terrible sins on his own free will. Again..your choice. However, I can�t imagine anyone willingly wanting to be with someone with such a horrendous history. See??
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If I stop, can I ever go back with this man? I guess if you like lying, cheating, selfish, manipulating men with zero morals..whom your children completely despise... sure. It's your life. He ccan never change????  No evidence so far.
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Look, in the end it is your choice..your life to live.
If that is the direction you want to take your life..then go for it.
Just be prepared for alienation of your children, total disregard for your own morals and honor etc..etc..etc...
Go for it.
You know after talking to you...think I am also going to go ahead and quit my job today..I feel lucky, I am sure if I buy a lotto ticket on the way home I will win. Heck, think I will go ahead and buy a new Benz too...
...now where was that resignation letter...let me look...
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I sincerely thank each of you for your responses.
I obvisiously have to think through my life and just what I want, who I am and how I want to be.
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Genia,
It seems to me that you are holding onto the "fantasy" that your ex is your "soulmate". His account in your love bank remains high... above the romantic love threshold. Your fantasy world is no different than what any other wayward goes through, being addicted to the affection and attention you receive from him. MB'ers call that living in the fog.
Is it possible that you are not seeing the reality of the situation?
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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