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The SKANK...Been married 5 times, posts her other "realtionships" 5 in 2 years on FB
Met in a bar
TROLL, REPULSIVE, HUGE...MANLY (spelling)
Shes 6 year his junior He wants nasty sex several times a day with this tramp who gives it to him every which way. Leave them to it. Get out of the way and do not prop him up by being his nice wife to whom he can talk. Tell him to talk to THIS. May I ask if you are with this person? Moving would NOT be a option Thank you for the compliment, Jilly! You like what you have seen of me because I have become one of the non-wimpy women that Dr Harley spoke of on his radio show this week. My H was picked up by a trampy whore in a bar and kept re-burying his affair for over 3 years. (It was easy to do because he travelled to Belgium for work, and she lived there. They would meet in his hotel, then he would shower and shave and come home next day, and I would be none the wiser.) This whore was married to a very well-earning man and had two teenaged kids still at school. She chose to see her life as a Greek tragedy, and had had several affairs since they moved to Belgium. Once I stopped crying and comparing myself to someone who was less than s* beneath my shoe, Things got better for me, and now they are good. I'm all in favour of your taking him back after all he's done, IF, as Dr Harley says, you think your marriage and future are worth it, and IF he dumps the tramp, grovels to you and enters the MB recovery programme. If she lives anywhere near you - even in the same state, and I know your states are huge - this might mean moving away and starting afresh, which will do your marriage the world of good. He needs to show willingness to do something extraordinary before you take him back. My H had to retire from his job in order for the contact and false recoveries to stop. If, though, he wants you on a string as his friend and possible fallback, you need to disabuse him of the notion that he has that choice and leave him to drown in the toilet bowl in which he is living. Join our group of non-wimpy women, today, Jilly!
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Is your question whether I am still with my H? Yes I am. As I said, it took his retiring from his job for the contact to stop. Contact for the final 5 years of the affair was by telephone, to his desk at work. There were no physical meetings for that time. Also, he did not move out as your H has done.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Is your question whether I am still with my H? Yes I am. As I said, it took his retiring from his job for the contact to stop. Contact for the final 5 years of the affair was by telephone, to his desk at work. There were no physical meetings for that time. Also, he did not move out as your H has done. My mind is a fruit punch. After chatting here I am imposing the NC and have let him know such as well as using some of your eloquent words  Thank you! So your H didnt move out and the affair was over 5 years...Bless You! I couldnt have him in the same home as me! I'm done till he shows what you said he should!
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Is your question whether I am still with my H? Yes I am. As I said, it took his retiring from his job for the contact to stop. Contact for the final 5 years of the affair was by telephone, to his desk at work. There were no physical meetings for that time. Also, he did not move out as your H has done. My mind is a fruit punch. After chatting here I am imposing the NC and have let him know such as well as using some of your eloquent words Thank you! So your H didnt move out and the affair was over 5 years...Bless You! I couldnt have him in the same home as me! I'm done till he shows what you said he should! Are you planning to go into Plan B? Here's an excellent thread on how to do it and all the details. Plan B Do you have someone who could be your IM? (Intermediary?) This person would handle any contact from and to your WS and would act as a filter.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Is your question whether I am still with my H? Yes I am. As I said, it took his retiring from his job for the contact to stop. Contact for the final 5 years of the affair was by telephone, to his desk at work. There were no physical meetings for that time. Also, he did not move out as your H has done. My mind is a fruit punch. After chatting here I am imposing the NC and have let him know such as well as using some of your eloquent words Thank you! So your H didnt move out and the affair was over 5 years...Bless You! I couldnt have him in the same home as me! I'm done till he shows what you said he should! Are you planning to go into Plan B? Here's an excellent thread on how to do it and all the details. Plan B Do you have someone who could be your IM? (Intermediary?) This person would handle any contact from and to your WS and would act as a filter. I will have to think about plan b. No intermediary necessary. Legalities will be handled by counsel..if any arise and until he gets his head out of his butt with what you said needs to happen NO need for a intermediary...I laid it out for him...Time to stop being wimpy!
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Morning All...Well texts our daughter last night who is going thru alot...says if your fingers arent broken or your dont have laryngitis call. She says mom just cant deal with him right now. She said he wasn't reaching out for months now when he wants to he thinks everyone should reciprocate...So I sent him a text and let him have it...I know bad behavior on my part...But soooo frustrating
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Morning All...Well texts our daughter last night who is going thru alot...says if your fingers arent broken or your dont have laryngitis call. She says mom just cant deal with him right now. She said he wasn't reaching out for months now when he wants to he thinks everyone should reciprocate...So I sent him a text and let him have it...I know bad behavior on my part...But soooo frustrating For some betrayed spouses, drama with their wayward is preferred over silence. Silence is boring. So, the outraged TAKER of the betrayed cries out. Lets him "have it", but good. It's stimulating and feels better than waiting. It has ZERO to do with any MB plan.
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I know bad behavior on my part. When you lose self control, you've lost the argument. Edit to add: Not morally bad behavior. Just pointless.
Last edited by Pepperband; 05/10/13 11:18 AM.
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Morning All...Well texts our daughter last night who is going thru alot...says if your fingers arent broken or your dont have laryngitis call. She says mom just cant deal with him right now. She said he wasn't reaching out for months now when he wants to he thinks everyone should reciprocate...So I sent him a text and let him have it...I know bad behavior on my part...But soooo frustrating Are you in Plan A since you aren't in Plan B? Why can't your DD tell her wayward father how she feels herself? I don't know what Plan "letting him have it is". Again I ask you what Plan you're in? If you're getting a D you really need to get into Plan B with an IM. Communicating with him at all will continue to keep you stuck.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Morning All...Well texts our daughter last night who is going thru alot...says if your fingers arent broken or your dont have laryngitis call. She says mom just cant deal with him right now. She said he wasn't reaching out for months now when he wants to he thinks everyone should reciprocate...So I sent him a text and let him have it...I know bad behavior on my part...But soooo frustrating Are you in Plan A since you aren't in Plan B? Im not in any "Plan". Divorce is final. Daughter not feeling well after medical issue doesnt want to deal with him at all right now. No need I wouldn't think for a IM till we all know what we want? Why can't your DD tell her wayward father how she feels herself? I don't know what Plan "letting him have it is". Again I ask you what Plan you're in? If you're getting a D you really need to get into Plan B with an IM. Communicating with him at all will continue to keep you stuck.
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Jilly  I think you are still in the grieving process over the loss of your marriage of so many years. Anger rises suddenly sometimes. It takes way too much energy for you to get that angry. Living well REALLY IS the best revenge. Living well includes not looking in WH's direction. He has ZERO reasons to contact you. Block him. He can contact your attorney. Your adult daughter can manager her own father-daughter interactions. Mama-bear, go have a mani-pedi, a facial, and buy some cute shoes. Book a trip to Hawaii.
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Jilly I think you are still in the grieving process over the loss of your marriage of so many years. Anger rises suddenly sometimes. It takes way too much energy for you to get that angry. Living well REALLY IS the best revenge. Living well includes not looking in WH's direction. He has ZERO reasons to contact you. Block him. He can contact your attorney. Your adult daughter can manager her own father-daughter interactions. Mama-bear, go have a mani-pedi, a facial, and buy some cute shoes. Book a trip to Hawaii. I bought shoes, did hair and nails, just got back from Carolinas and Marthas Vineyard...NO $$$ for the islands... I am living well. What do I do from here? Wait for him to make a move?
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[
What do I do from here? Wait for him to make a move? No, we would suggest you go into Plan B, which is an airtight separation. As long as your H is allowed to contact you, it essentially props up his affair. By going into Plan B, you take back control of your own life and set the conditions of his return. Going into Plan B is a much more strategic approach than what you have been doing because you give him written conditions to resume contact with you. It gives you much more control and is much more effective in relaying your conditions. What you have done is just given him the cold shoulder, which is not effective or strategic.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What do I do from here? Wait for him to make a move? You live a beautiful life and you start to date again, if you meet someone date-worthy. Have fun. You ignore any man who has his head so far up his butt that he echoes his own burps, you EX-husband included !!!  Get out of his life. Keep him out of yours. If he ever becomes a decent human being, it will be when he is SOBER and recovering from his alcoholism. Have you ever been to an Al-anon meeting? You should try at least 3-4 different meetings.
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[
What do I do from here? Wait for him to make a move? No, we would suggest you go into Plan B, which is an airtight separation. As long as your H is allowed to contact you, it essentially props up his affair. By going into Plan B, you take back control of your own life and set the conditions of his return. Going into Plan B is a much more strategic approach than what you have been doing because you give him written conditions to resume contact with you. It gives you much more control and is much more effective in relaying your conditions. What you have done is just given him the cold shoulder, which is not effective or strategic. Exactly, with an IM and NC with your WXH. This is why NC is so important for your own well being.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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You're divorced so there is no need for Plan A. How to Plan B Correctly
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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You are divorced. Plan B, as written by Dr Harley is specific for still married couples. In your case, Plan B with no minor children .... pretty straight forward. Cut off ALL contact with him. He cannot reach you to irritate your nerves. Peace at last. You should NOT Plan A your divorced alcoholic husband living with skanky-hola under any circumstances.
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I didn't realize she was divorced. I am divorced from my last husband and I am in a quasi Plan B.[I didn't send a letter and I don't use an IM - I just avoid him] I have talked to the man 1 time in 10 years and that was at my son's wedding. It has been wonderful!
Pepperband is correct, Plan A should never be used with an alcoholic. They will just use it as an opportunity to exploit and abuse you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. Dr Harley has recommended Plan B for divorced couples but there would be a different letter, of course. If there are kids involved, you could still use a intermediary to facilitate any communication. Since the whole point of Plan B is to protect the betrayed spouse it would still be relevant to divorced betrayed spouses.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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