Wrote this last night. Could this be a part of my arsenal? If so you guys need to help me figure out the right time to deploy it. (kinsely nature is an inside joke type of thing). Also I know this is cheesy as hell - no making fun of me!

I�m sorry for all the times I played Everquest when I should have been with you
I�m sorry for letting the stress of my career get in the way of what was really most important in my life � you.
I�m sorry for every time I took out my cell phone when we went out to eat.
I�m sorry for not going to see you get your tattoos!
I�m sorry for not better supporting and being involved in trying to have a baby.
I�m sorry for not spending every day thinking about how I could make you happier.
I�m sorry for not being romantic enough, and not putting in the work to keep our sex life exciting.
I�m sorry for every surprise or gift I never gave you to make you feel special
I�m sorry for not cleaning the gutters after you asked 100 times.
I�m sorry for every time I was lazy.
I�m sorry for not being your best friend � we were at one point � and I know we can be again
I�m sorry for every time I made you cry � it didn�t happen very much � but when it did, my heart would break more than you know.
I�m sorry for not taking better care of my body, I should have been doing this for myself, and for you.
I�m sorry for any time I ever told you weren�t capable of doing something
I�m sorry for not helping around the house enough
I�m sorry for taking you for granted.
Thank you for every time you made me smile
Thank you for every time you told me you loved me.
Thank you for putting up with my kinsely nature.
Thank you for every time you made me dinner while I was playing games � I always felt bad!
Thank you for all the hugs and kisses.
Thank you for all the great times in bed.
Thank you for being my best friend, and someone I can share everything with.
Thank you for being the sweetest, most loving wife I could ever ask for.
Thank you for putting up with my constant traveling and being away from you.
Thank you for marrying me, and making me completely happy.
Thank you for being such a great wife, for being the love of my life
I won't give up on you, and I won't give up on our marriage.

If that helps you sure but I wouldn't send it. Reeks of desperation. I believe that is a turn off for women. Write it and throw it in the trash and stop initiating relationship talk. Let her bring it up. All you need to say is this, "I'm willing to create a marriage where both of our needs are met, I feel the only way for this is for you to no contact with POSOM. " simple concise and to the point.

Hello OddJob,

Not a veteran here, but, nope, I wouldn't consider at all relaying all that to her at this time, or even in the near future. I've read your story and you seem like a very concerned and dedicated (to M and your WW) young man. Consider your exercise as sort of a self evaluation at this time. She isn't going to care at this point if you didn't clean the gutters or you not going to see her get her tattoos. Your latter points are very good and very heartfelt, but they should wait.

You've received a lot of excellent advice here from the veterans. The best of the advice that I can see for this point in time for you is to back off right now from the day-to-day reactions, and to read, study, and learn much more about MB concepts (esp. Plan A). It's going to benefit you. Plan A is for You AND your M. By shifting your focus from what she is telling you and her reactions (i.e., her being p.o.'d about you moving back in and what she might be conspiring about with the OM) to laying out a plan to make yourself the best you can be isn't just going to make you feel better - it's going to make you more attractive to her. So, I would recommend using the list you created - pick out a couple of the items to start with (things you really do feel you want to change about yourself) - begin working on them daily, and then add new items from you're list as you proceed. Keep this to yourself tho. Women seem to be intrigued when men in their life just up and get on the track of self-improvement. I see that you've been advised to be 'James Bond' in terms of your reactions - I would also advise the Gary Cooper approach - few words - "Yes Ma'am" and "No Ma'am" when she asks you what you're up to.

Since you're fairly new here, I kind of liken you to a newly drafted RB who wants to impress the coaches to gain a roster spot on his new NFL team by breaking runs based on his ability in college. Usually that fails. Problems are - he most likely trusts his own instincts over coaching advice and didn't take the time to lean his new team's playbook

Point is, you have to be serious about focusing on self-improvement now and serious about learning more about MB concepts. No guarantee about winning your WW back. The guarantee is that you will feel better about yourself and your future and that you will be a desired H whether with yurr currnet W or with another.

Will say some prayers for you,

Tom

He is not your friend. You did the right thing!

What are they upset about? Are they saying there is something wrong with her affair? All you were doing was spreading the good news!

OJ,

As a fellow gamer, I know where you're coming from. I too felt bad when I played games instead of hanging out with my STBXW, but it wasn't enough to keep me from playing them. You'll need to find something else to occupy your time...something that your wife can join in on if she comes back.

Working out is a good one. I know it sounds corny, but you can set personal fitness goals and get the same "Level Up! DING!" feeling that you get from gaming when you reach those goals. Without turning this into a fitness thread, try to set goals that aren't tied to your weight (this is not a very good measure of fitness, especially if you start putting on muscle mass). Set realisting short term and long term goals, like trim your waistline, do more pushups/pullups/situps. I highly recommend P90x, but if you don't have the money, crossfit is good as well.

You're doing well. Keep following the plan and the advice from the veterans and you WILL be better for it.

Actually, my wife is a gamer too. I'd say 70% of my gaming time, she was playing with me. The 30% where she wasn't is what I feel bad about.

Odd, my WW was too and I was in the same boat. Keep in mind I do still play but I don't play as much and when I do its with my DS. I understand where you coming from and Ajose has a good point.

Thats how I started running and I am sure your using video gaming as a form of escapism. They are very addictive and my suggestion to you is to stop playing them. I would sell all the video gaming equipment and use it for something like a gym membership or another constructive hobby. Your WW is going to cling to that 30% as her justification imagine the look on her face when she sees your not playing video games anymore! Her curiosity will be piqued and at the same time your working out and looking tons better. I met my WW while I was 250lbs and we married. Now I am 187 and while she was here gave me many compliments on my physical appearance. Choice is yours

Seen your doc about some AD's yet?

I agree. Gamign is a kiss of death for a marriage.

I haven't touched a video game since she left. While I'm sure I will pick them up again in the future, they are on the bottom of my list right now.

And no, I haven't seen a doctor about AD's yet. Perhaps I'll see if I can schedule an appointment after lunch.

I wish really bad that I knew what was going on with her affair. I hate being completely blind to it. I imagine they both still think it's going quite swimmingly. I'm kind of a pessimist :p.

Why? What good would it do?

Concentrate on YOU. What are you doing today to become a better you?

How are you doing at work?

Do you have safe outside friends (non female) you could go do something with?

I have been hanging out with friends (real friends). Work performance is getting a bit better. Still working out almost every day.

I am realizing that to succeed in this (by succeed I mean save my M), that WS is going to REALLY have to hit bottom. Part of recovery is going to be her quitting her job, and not only abandoning all of her new found friends there, but also her best friend (suitor in waiting) forever. For her to be willing to do that, I really think she is going to have to hit complete bottom. Or have some sort of miraculous epiphany.

Since I have no experience in this, and have never witnessed someone go through such a transformation, it just feels so impossible.

But yes, I AM working on myself. But I can't help but having these thoughts at the same time.

In the depths of my wife's fog she went to a mans flophouse for sex 4 hours after meeting him online.

The bottom is ugly and it will happen. The question is if you will be there when she hits or not.

Wow wow wow, 4 hours??. I hope you are right. But this is definitely a 'soul mate' affair, as Dr. Harley would describe it in his book that my wife is having right now.

And will I be here when she hits bottom? That depends on how long it takes. The 2 year number you guys throw out is really bothersome. I am willing to fight for my marriage, but not for that long. I think after 3 months, if I am not seeing any hope of anything, I will probably WANT a divorce, because as much as I love my wife, I have emotional needs as well. I don't think I can go that long without having those needs met.

The 2 year is just a cut off mark. If the affair doesn't die after 2 yrs you should give it up. You have to decide how long you want to wait.

My birthday is July 20th. I will be turning 29. If I get to that point and my wife is still knee deep in her affair, and is still not wanting to have a civil discussion with me, isn't willing to go out with me, or anything, and I see no hope at all, I may call it.

And no one on this planet should fault you for calling it. You have every reason to do so.

R is Hard..very Hard. Trust me. I would imagine D would be most difficult as well.

We BS's are given no good choices in this situation. Every road is fraught with challenges.

You know what though, if you just sit back for a few weeks (as perscribed)you just never know...

Now that her A is out in the open and exposed to the light of day, this thing could just implode on itself.

Kind of like light on a vampire...They thrive at night..not so much in the sun.