Yes, I keep trying to remind myself of this. I have MrW's epic post hung up in my office, and I will read it every day to remind me.

Of course they do. And worse. What is amazing is that when a WS un-fogs, they often do not remember saying these hurtful things. Taffy still thinks I am making some stuff up. Takes a lot for a BS to let go of that resentment....

Best if concentrate on YOU at this point, you cannot control her actions. (I know you know this, but it bears reminding yourself.)

Oddjob,

Try to look at it from a different prospective, your WW isn't really going to go around saying she is doubting her choices and is not happy now is she?

She is trying to justify her bad conduct to everyone and trying to get them on side by babbling on about how happy she is.

She's not happy, she has just left her marriage for someone who abandoned his sick wife, and made a pass at a married woman, not exactly Prince Charming material.

She will never feel secure in that relationship and she will have no where to turn to to complain about the OM when things get tough as she's too busy trying to show off her affair in a good light.

Your WW is not rational right now so do yourself a favour and ignore all the fog talk. It means nothing and it is best ignored.m

Thanks NB28 - makes perfect sense.

So I just had a chance encounter with my WS. I came home, and noticed her dog was here.... She must have dropped him off during the day or something. Knowing that she would have to come back and get him, I put on a nice shirt, sprayed myself with some smell good stuff. Right then she walked in the door.

I said - "Hey WS!"

She said - "Hi"

I said - "The dog pooped downstairs, do you have any poop cleaner here I can use?"

She said - "I don't know, check under the sink."

She then immediately took the dog and left, obviously not wanting to be near me one second more than she had to.

I was really nice, calm, cool, and composed - as short as the conversation was. And she did look at me, and I know I look good right now, so hopefully she noticed.

My cousin was in the other room, I asked him how the conversation sounded, he said I sounded perfect. (He is mostly aware of the MB plan).

Hmm.. Now she is going to associate me with dog poop. She wanted to rush out the door, so I had to say something practical, lol...

Do you know where she is staying and why she would leave the dog there?

I have no idea where she is staying. I suspect she is probably staying at another guy friend's house from work. I REALLY hope she is not staying with OM's parents. If that were true, then OM's parents would have basically been lying to me, but I highly doubt that is the case. As far as why she is leaving the dog at our house during work house - I am guessing whoever she is staying with doesn't want the dog staying at his house unattended. So she let's him poop in my house instead......

I also have a slight suspicion that she might be coming back to the house for lunch for quickies... I have no evidence of that, but I suspect it. I want to change the locks, but I know part of plan A is to make home a warm and inviting place...

Can you put a VAR or camera in your house?

Yes, I suppose I could. Let's say she's sneaking him in there, then what? Do I tell her I'm filing a restraining order?

Or would I just tell WS that I know she's sneaking him in there, and then say if I find out he's been there again, then I will file a restraining order?

BUT the goal is not to facilitate the affair. I would change the locks and welcome her in the house when you are there. You don't even want that scumbag in your home ever again. Tell her that since she has had her creepy OM in your home that you have changed the locks. She is welcome to come for visits, but she is not ever to have the OM in your home.

Change the locks. It would be obvious that your cousin's girlfriend would feel uncomfortable with a predatory male having easy and regular access to her abode.

Like yesterday.


If an OM would come into MY home?....well lets just say it would only happen 1 time.

AMEN.. If my H brought an OW into my home the SWAT team would have to rescue her.

Should I still offer to let her keep her dog there during the day if she can catch us there in the morning? I honestly don't *want* her keeping her dog there during work, it really pisses me off. But I want to do whatever the MB plan says I should.

Just change the locks and send her a message that she is still welcome in your home but only when you are there. Just leave it at that. If she wants to leave the dog there, let her ask about it. And I don't think I would agree to let her leave the dog there. Since she wants to be separated, she needs to figure that out on her own.

Okay, so I'm thinking this will be the text I send to her.

WS, I am just letting you know that I have changed the locks on the old house. You are welcome to visit ANY time I am there, and of course you are welcome to move back in with me at any time. If you still have some stuff here that you need to get, just let me know, and I will try to make sure I am there or cousin is there to let you in so you can get in.

Seem okay?

...I have changed the locks...

You are getting the hang of this, quickly! Note the difference in tenor/tone between this and the mousey, "I plan to change the locks..."

Yours is a declaration; the other, more like a request.

You are rapidly earning your "Brass Balls" certification, my friend!

"Dear Sally, just wanted to let you know that I have changed the locks on the house so you can make other arrangements. You are welcome in the house anytime I am home - would love to see you."